Blog Originally Posted in Vampire Loving Dorks September 2011 – Reposting as Season 5 2012 Blogs will be here
So here we are ….. after what seemed like an eternity waiting for Season 4 to premiere and we are suddenly at the finale. How did that happen so quickly?? Well it has and here is my finale spoiler note and here are my thoughts … and YES they are MY thoughts and not a non-bias review so feel free to disagree, bitch, complain, or agree … it all works for me 😀 lol Alan Ball has teased us with tears, anguish, and a high body count … lets see what he delivered!!!
At the end of last week we saw the very annoyed ghost of Marnie possess Lafayette while he lay resting in his bed. This week starts with Jesus giving a heartfelt speech about how he is sorry for dragging Lafayette into the magic during which Lafayette/Marnie sits totally impassively until Jesus kisses him/her goodbye and he realises his beloved Lafayette is possessed and being the smart cookie he is it only takes him one guess to realise who is in there. Sadly for Jesus he reacts immediately and ends up with his hand pinned to the table by a dinner fork …. OUCH!!!
Sookie meanwhile is at her house with Tara making coffee and dealing with flashes of her Gran laying dead on the kitchen floor where she was murdered leading to the question is Gran in Heaven? Tara admits that she is an atheist but says that if there is a Heaven she is pretty sure Adele Stackhouse would be like the president.. hmmm yes quite amusing Tara ……. but lost on Sookie as she broods on the fact that she “feels Gran is near.”
Out in the cemetery Sam and Maxine are saying goodbye to Tommy who as Maxine says was a devious little son of a bitch but she felt he had a good heart despite stealing her clothes including her underpants and her good church shoes …. hmmmmm ok yes that’s what you talk about at a graveside …. but anyway the main point of this is that Maxine is feeling sorry for Sam and tells him that she is now his Mama and she is going to bring round one of her famous pork-rind casseroles (ummm yuck) … as they are all the family they have left. Did you forget your REAL son there Maxine??? Hoyt is still alive you know…… hmmmmmm I am guessing this is leading up to something for Season 5 ….. after all Tommy sold the rights to Maxine’s land … maybe she will need a place to stay and turn to Sam :S …. I don’t know ….. can’t quite decide what Alan Ball’s angle was on this one yet!
Staying in the great outdoors Jason has decided to go and confess all to Hoyt about Jessica (driving some truck … what happened to his truck??? Did I totally miss something here??? Not that it’s important but it bugged me so answers please if anyone has them lol)….. Anyway Jason confesses he had sex with Jessica and Hoyt asks how? Now any one of us would realise that Hoyt wanted to know HOW IT HAPPENED … but not Jason … oh I love him …. he lists off all the positions they did and said nothing too kinky which, unsurprisingly earns him a punch in the nose! Hoyt points out that these things don’t just happen and that Jason chose to betray him and proceeds to beat the living daylights out of him and tells him he has something inside him missing. Poor Jason doesn’t even try to fight back and just lays there and says he is sorry.
Back at Lafayette’s house Jesus is duct taped to a chair, bleeding onto a table, as he tries to reach Lafayette inside the possession….. and for one second it looks like he is making progress as we see Lafayette fight back and call Marnie a bitch which once she takes control back she is not amused with and threatens to “cut out his eyeball and feed it to him” ….. lovely…. yes that woman/ghost has totally lost the plot here ……and what does she want? She wants Jesus’s Brujo magic … ALL OF IT … oh you know that’s not going to end well. Marnie goes off on a rant about how Jesus betrayed her and how the celebration of Samhein has become Halloween with fat kids stuffing their faces. Jesus tries to reason that what is inside him is seriously dark …. but sadly that serves Marnie well as she plans to fight Darkness with Darkness .. and then Marnie starts cutting Lafayette up and that’s all it takes to convince Jesus to do it. He starts chanting and calling forth the creepy demon head that appears when he summons that darkness but sadly to transfer it requires a great big knife in his chest. Bye Jesus 😦 … Body count 1. .
Sookie takes a trip to Merlotte’s where Halloween is in full swing and Arlene is sporting a great zombie outfit as “Zombies are the new vampires’ … yes I have heard this before and ummm NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!!!! And Mr Ball DO NOT EVEN THINK about introducing zombies next season!!! It was bad enough with the necromancy and vamp bots ala Anita Blake THIS SEASON…. Anyway where was I … Oh yes Sookie goes to see Sam who doesn’t remember firing her (because of course it was Tommy in the Sam Suit that did the firing) and he blames Sookie for not turning up all week. They decide to let everything go back to normal (YAWN) as long as Sookie can start work immediately…. in a bunny ear costume. Out in the bar we get to see Arlene’s kids in costume. Coby is quite obviously some kind of alien / zombie and my first thought was that Lisa was a very pregnant Arlene … but turns out she was in fact a character from the MTV reality show Teen Mom’s 2 … yes well nobody ever claimed Arlene’s parenting skills were the best ……. Sam brings in little Emma to meet them and Arlene asks what she is and gets the honest truth …. a shapeshifter like my mommy or a werewolf like my daddy … but he’s dead. Not much you can say to that so Arlene very wisely just leaves.
This is not the end of the Merlottes drama as an old “friend” of Terry’s from the War drops by. At first I wasn’t sure he was actually there but turns out he is not in fact a ghost and Arlene gets to meet him and Terry looks more nervous than pleased to see him … hmmmmm wonder where that’s going. Alcide is also at the bar trying to apologise to Sookie but ends up with more of a lecture about how people don’t really change they just find new ways to lie. He wants Sookie to change who she loves too but is interrupted by a strange phone call ….. hmmmm pack business??? nope no clues at this point … OK Alan Ball you got me with that one .. I don’t know where he is going ….
As evening falls Tara finds Jesus’s body and does her screaming thing before rushing off to find Sookie who is talking with Holly in full fairy dress up (because there ain’t nothing scary about fairies … Oh Holly … how little you really know) and the “Bad feelings” that they are both having. Tara manages to convince them that Lafayette is possessed by Marnie and Eric and Bill are missing but luckily for them Holly has her wiccan first aid kit … Salt, Sage, and a lock of her aunt’s hair… so off they rush to the cemetery where Bill and Eric are chained to a funeral pyre with silver just waiting to burn. This allows from some very amusing dialogue between Eric and Bill and as usual the bad guy (Marnie) has to explain her whole plot before starting the fire which gives time for Holly to set her Salt Circle. With a quick Alien blast from Sookie Lafayette/Marnie is forced out of the circle and the intrepid 3 start chanting and calling forth all the ghosts from the graveyard including Antonia (who would not be in the graveyard IMO as she wasn’t buried there but whatever … Antonia puts the fire out so we will let her have that. Antonia cannot however convince Marnie to hand over Lafayette’s body but Gran … yes GRAN sticks her ghostly hand in and yanks the bitch out and Marnie is still complaining because she feels she finally has power and doesn’t want to go. Antonia convinces her that they have won and it is time to move on .. So after much screaming and a few comforting words from Gran Marnie is ready to depart….but Gran finds time for a few lovely words with Sookie and then she is gone. Sookie is reminded that there is still a whole lot of stuff going on with Tara cradling Lafayette begging him to be OK but it is Eric that amuses me with his comment ….”Excuse me … we are feeling a little crispy up here” lol … Love it Eric!!!
Unfortunately for Arlene all the ghosts raised at the cemetary don’t seem to have heard that they are meant to have gone back and she gets a surprise visit from Rene. Has anyone else missed that accent *Sigh* ….. he was rather a lovely addition to the show so was great to see him back even in his ghostly form. Although does it strike anyone else as just a touch strange that he HAS his FAKE accent in death??? lol …. Anyway…. He tells Arlene that he still loves her but she is in danger as Terry’s ghosts are coming back to get him…. and then he is gone …..I am guessing we will learn more about that in season 5….Cliffhanger 1???
Skip from there to little red riding hood running through the forest ….. to Jason’s house who is bitching that he is not giving any candy to Trick or Treaters as he opens the door to find his biggest treat yet. A very sexy looking Jessica that results in some very hot Jason / Jessica sex … about time we had some decent sex this season!!! (side note … nice to see the whole eternal virgin thing isn’t bothering her anymore …. maybe she realised a little pain and pleasure is not a bad thing lol) Of course after they have the talk about how Jessica doesn’t want anything serious and how she is going out to feed but Jason seems kewl with it and proceeds to compare it to Pretty Woman … you know like a hooker without the kissing. Oh Jason you are so dumb but you do amuse me no end and we are getting to see you naked again … always a bonus even though you are not really my type lol .
Over at Fangtasia Pam is having a mini meltdown after being sent away by Eric. Still no news on what they are going to do about the curse … it’s looking more and more like we are just to assume that it is all fixed now (ANNOYING MR BALL!!!!…. I would even have accepted a “when Marnie died her spells died with her” cop-out but he didn’t even throw us that Grrrrrrrrr) …….. So Pam trashes the office and ends up getting comforted by Ginger (Who I must confess I thought may have been about to add to the body count but no …..) Mr Ball you need to FIX this!!! Pam and Eric on the outs just does not work for me!
So from the trashing of Fangtastia to Eric and Bill feeding from Sookie’s wrists (one on each side).. Awwww how sweet *rolls eyes* and then we get Stupid Sookie raising her head again. Suddenly she can’t stand it… she feels like she is being ripped in half (nice biblical analogy which Bill jumps on and says he only wants her to be happy … she can choose Eric if that will make her happy) … oh shut up Bill … we know you don’t mean that …. sneaky though … you get props for that! And so it is Eric’s turn …. Sookie turns expecting the same kind of offer from him but nope he goes with the See Bill says its OK come be with me defense *rolls eyes* …. oh Eric NOOOOOO…. we all know whats going to happen now …. Stupid Sookie is going to leave BOTH OF THEM!!! Oh get over yourself already!!!!! So she leaves … and stands outside the door sobbing her poor broken little heart out … WHATEVER!!!!
Over at Lafayette’s he is broken-hearted over his killing poor Jesus but ghosts Jesus comes back to tell him that it’s all OK and that everything is temporary … hmmmmmm I am guessing that is going to mean something. It’s very touching as Jesus says all he needs to do is just keep breathing and that he will never be far away. Poor Lala 😦 He just doesn’t get it good for long does he…
And now … the last 15 minutes of the episode where EVERYTHING happens leaving so many questions for us to wait a YEAR to be answered …….
Whilst Lala is mourning Sam is mooning of Luna and things all seem very hunky dory there despite Sam being the cause of Emma’s dad dying … well yes technically Alcide killed him but we all know Sam started it lol ….. but they are at the not sleeping over stage so as Sam goes to leave, once Luna goes inside what should appear from the bushes … but a werewolf…. This has to be some kind of revenge attack from Marcus’s pack (see they blame Sam too lol) …. but thus leaves another cliffhanger .. I think that makes 2 lol….
Flashback to Jason’s house as Jessica leaves for the night leaving a very smiley Jason on the couch there is suddenly a knock at the door. Jason believing himself to be irresistible thinking Jessica has come back but he opens the door to find …. STEVE NEWLIN …. WITH FANGS!!!! … What is going on here??? Cliffhanger 3!
Over in Shreveport we finally find out what Alcide’s mysterious phone call was about earlier …. it was from one of his contractors at a parking garage and he has obviously been glamoured as there is a BIG HOLE in the concrete floor … complete with broken silver chains and RUSSELL’S MUSIC … Oh Russell we have MISSED YOU!!!….. of course the big question as asked by the contractor is who would dig the hole suggesting that Russell did not in fact free himself. Hmmmmmm I have a couple of theories both of which have massive holes in but I will share them anyway and I am sure I will be putting a lot more thought into this … Theory 1 …. Nan has gone mental ( As is shown in a minute and may think Russell is her best chance … flaw….. how did Nan know where he was?? Although Nan often seems to just “know things”) … Theory 2 … Pam went and dug him up hoping to deal with the whole Sookie thing (Flaw … It would seriously endanger Eric so not convinced about that either) … Ok Anyone else got any ideas?? Anyway whatever the reason that leaves us with cliffhanger 4 ……
Talking of Nan she is paying a visit to Bill and Eric complete with her “Gay Storm Troopers” (thanks Eric lol). So Nan comes to tell them that she has quit the authority and the AVL … well actually she got fired but according to her it’s the same difference. Her last duty was supposed to be delivering the true death to Bill and Eric but she realises that she is next so instead she wants Eric and Bill to join her and he talks are going well until she announces that they all know about Sookie and then calls them puppy dogs …. and that’s all it takes for Eric to rip the heads off the 3 gay Storm Troopers and Bill to be able to use the element of surprise and Stake Nan ….. Death count add 4 lol … possible Cliffhanger 5 ….. what are Bill and Eric going to do now with execution warrants out for them ?????
And that brings us to the final scene of the night. Sookie coming home and obviously something is wrong although she just keeps calling out for Tara .. .and she gets to see Debbie at the end of a shotgun….but before Debbie can shoot Sookie Tara dives and pushes her out the way and takes a shotgun blast right to the head. Now forgive me for being a bitch here Sookie but this is YOUR FAULT!!! If you had stayed with Eric and bought him home with you he would have either A taken the shot for you or B disabled Debbie before she could shoot and Tara would not be involved!!!. So poor Tara is on the floor brains literally spilling onto it (Sookie’s kitchen is not in general a good place to be!!) and Sookie rushes Debbie, get the shotgun and after only the briefest moment of hesitation blows Debbie’s brains out (Add 1 or 2 to the dead count depending on thoughts on Tara). So Debbie is dead, and Sookie is left cradling what’s left of Tara’s head screaming for help. Cliffhanger 6 …. is Tara really dead ….
Now Bill and Eric have both just ingested a large amount of Sookie’s blood so they should already be on their way over right having sensed her fear??? But I think the damage is too much even for a vampire to heal … literally her brains were on the floor …….. and ROLL CREDITS!!!
So to sum up … the main cliffhangers seems to be ……. Terry’s past coming back to haunt him ….Sam is about to face off with a werewolf … supposedly from Marcus’s pack??? Better shift Sam .. a LION would be good right about now lol…… Reverend Vampire and what he is up to with Jason ……. Who Dug Up Russell and what are his plans (Totally my favorite!!) ….. What will Bill and Eric Do now that they have rebelled against everything …..(siding with Russell sounds good to me lol) ……and finally is Tara actually dead??? She should be … shotgun to the head … brains all over the floor ….. but this is Alan Ball we are talking about and more than once he has been known to change the rules … who knows if Sookie discovers some magical healing fairy ability… or finds she has the ability to make one wish *rolls eyes* …. Yes I don’t like it either but this is Alan Ball remember…..
And so our wait for Season 5 begins …….. Season 4 was an interesting ride and I will certainly miss is on Sunday nights …… even when some episodes it seemed like all I wanted to do was complain lol.
Memorable Lines From And When I Die
Tara – “What are we like magnets for fucking craziness or something?”
Jesus – “You can’t trade Magic like fucking Pokemon cards”
Arlene – “Zombies are the new vampires” .. (hey I got told this at Spencers a few months ago ……unamused)
Alcide – “People don’t change … they just find new ways to lie”
Eric – “Excuse me … we are feeling a little crispy up here”
Pam – “I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name”
Eric – “Hi Nan …. and Gay Storm Troopers”