Blog Originally Posted in Vampire Loving Dorks August 2011 – Reposting as Season 5 2012
So here’s what you missed on last weeks True Blood – Antonia totally took over Marnie and became an insane crazy witch and promised revenge, Lafayette learned he was a medium and can now see the crazy slave woman possessing the creepy doll, Eric still has amnesia and is relying on Sookie for pretty much everything Oh and Tara and the witches decided they were going to cast a spell to make all the vampires walk into the sun but King Bill found out and ordered all vampires silver themselves into their coffins / beds which was great but he didn’t use enough silver on Jessica and so we ended with her throwing open the doors to a blazing white light to meet the true death …. and that’s what you missed on True Blood lol.
So this week starts right where we left off with Jessica heading into the sun and Jason appearing like an angel surrounded by beautiful white light to tackle her to the floor and save her. Just as she is about to attack him the witches conveniently decide they have done enough and the witch spell ends allowing a very sexy Jessica/Jason moment while Bill screams Jessica’s name over and over ….. um Mr Ball did you forget that a maker can actually feel when a child of theirs meets the true death??? So surely he would have known she hadn’t gone??? Maybe its just another example of Bills weakass vampire powers. Jason brings Jessica back to her cell past the dead guard bleeding out all over the floor and Bill convinces Jason to silver her back onto her bed only to do a much better job that he did so that she can’t escape again. Jason obviously reluctant to hurt Jessica tells her to think of wonderful things like hot summer days and barbeques before realising they may not be the best things for her to think about considering. Bill and Jason strike an agreement ….. he won’t say anything about Jess killing the guard if Bill overlooks the fact that Jason shot one of his guards to get in there (hmmmm not quite the same seeing as Jason only shot his in the shoulder but whatever).
Next we get an insight into the new werewolf pack and apparently for once the new Alpha realises how inferior shifters are compared to vamps and tells the whole pack (Debbie and Alcide included) to stay OUT of the whole vamp / witch war unless they want to die. Debbie is obviously loving this new pack idea but you have to wonder how much of that is to do with the new packmaster. Her little ears certainly prick up when she finds out that he is divorced!!! She makes Alcide promise he will stay out of the whole Witch /Vamp war and leave Sookie alone and he looks her straight in the eye and says he promises …. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes I don’t believe him either Debbie but you are a useless slut who already broke his heart and we all know you are just waiting to jump the new Alpha so no sympathy from me. I am still wishing Sookie shot you with the shotgun last season when she had the chance lol
Sam is still trying to make amends for Tommy sleeping with Luna while wearing his Sam suit and as her daughter Emma seems to really like him (even though her cat Barbie hates him and everyone else apparently) she lets him in for dinner. This all goes well until the were packmaster (who is also Emma’s father) decided to pop in for a visit. Cue a whole lot of male posturing and the wolf trying to fake start at sam who to his credit just lifts an eyebrow as if to say WTF ….. I have to agree … WTF was the point of that :S Dull Dull Dull
Talking of Dull while Maxine is taking pics of her pile of goo neighbour and filming tv interviews because as her neighbour kept to herself so was obviously either a vampire or a serial killer, Tommy sneaks in to steal a bunch of her clothes, make – up, and jewellery. No prizes for guessing that he plans on putting on a Maxine suit this week and going after the gas money from her land and that is exactly what he does. this whole skinwalking thing is definitely amusing if not a little predictable and poor Tommy goes through all that trouble and only ends up with just over 5 grand as opposed to the 200 grand he was hoping for. Well that’s what you get for cheating Tommy!!!!! While Maxine takes her pics Andy is on the scene and there is a great exchange between him and Jason ….Oh No Andy – seriously you would eat a dead pile of Bula carter off the ground????? Andy – Jesus, tits and God America Jason what is happening to me. LOVE IT!!!!
Back at Sookie’s house things are heating up as she removes the silver from Eric’s neck – taking half of Eric’s neck with it. he then remembers that he hasn’t fed since “the fairy goddess” and claims True Blood won’t help and so Sookie willingly offers to let him feed from her. Now things are getting all hot and heavy and the music is heating up and Eric bites his hand and has Sookie drink from him and all of us are thinking YES YES YES here we go!!!!! AT LAST!!!! … and we skip over to Hoyt and Jessica just to interrupt the mood but I won’t do that to you …. so back to Sookie who is sucking furiously on Eric’s hand and Eric is obviously loving every second of it and the music is racing and then we see them step into the shower and we are thinking HERE WE GO ….. and they kiss …. and Sookie runs her hand down Eric’s naked body …. and she turns the shower on … AND IT STARTS TO SNOW!!!! Yes people … instead of a hot sexy shower scene we get snow and a magic shower curtain opening onto Narnia??? Who the hell knows …. but wait …. with Sookie high on V and Eric high on Fairy blood they spot a giant bed and we think all may not be lost ….. after all remember some of those sex scenes with Bill and Sookie frmo Season 1 …. they were pretty nasty …… so we give Alan Ball the benefit of the doubt … AND ONCE AGAIN WE GET MORE SCREWED THAN SOOKIE!!!! We get tame PG 13 dull 5 seconds of lame, boring sex complete with sappy annoying pillow talk afterwards where “all things are possible” of they are together. Forgive me while I go throw up!!!!!
Well I think that says it all about that scene ….. now back to one of my fav scenes from last night that the Sookie / Eric sex was interrupted for. Jessica returns home to Hoyt who has been worried sick and claims to have had strange feelings about losing her forever. Jessica acts distant but Hoyt is not reading the signs and says he can’t live without her. Jessica insists that she just can’t do it …. she has a hunger and she doesn’t want to hurt him but it’s not enough and she needs more. Hoyt cries and begs but Jessica is set against it and tries to leave and then in classic Alan Ball True Blood unexpectedness Hoyt says I will die without you and Jessica says THEN DIE .. and smashes his head with full vampire force into the nearest hard object and blood flies everywhere including all over her and I swear the whole audience just gasped (I know I did). It was FANGTASTIC!!!! A Pure flash of genius from whoever wrote that scene. And it doesn’t end there …… she walks out to find Jason in his truck is hot and ready for her and at this point you start to suspect this may be a dream … which of course it was … but it didn’t stop it being in my opinion the best scene of the night!!!
In another part of Town Lafayette walks into the kitchen at Merlottes and sees the slave ghost singing to Arlene and Terry’s baby again and he does the smartest thing ever and says Oh Hell no Fuck This Shit.. and walks away. Sadly later in the show this doesn’t save him as slave ghost has realised what he is and after a history lesson (We see her alive bringing the creepy doll to her baby only to discover she had had a baby with her slave master and he couldn’t let the baby live and so killed it. I am assuming that was the house that Hoyt and Jessica now live in which is why the doll is there) she decides she is going to possess Lafayette so now we have the Slave Ghost walking around in a Lafayette suit. She / he immediately heads over to what turns out to be the Bellefleur mansion where Andy, Arlene and Terry are all sleeping and she steals Andy’s gun … and the baby. Anyone else wondering if perhaps her old slave master was a Bellefleur and this has nothing to do with Rene at all??? As my husband Greg said last night …. if there wasn’t so much talk about the damn shower scene maybe we would all be speculating on poor Lafayette and whats going on with him. But as things stand this is taking a very backseat with all the other plotlines going on. It’s another example of too many plots and not enough screen time this season.
So Jessica actually goes over and breaks up with Hoyt and far from the dream sequence version from earlier Hoyt actually has a total melt down and screams all sorts of horrible things about Jessica throwing at her that she will be a virgin forever and could never give him children and you can see how heartbroken he is and then he rescinds her invitation to their home and as she flies out the door he slams it in her face and smashes up the house. Jessica runs over to Jason’s hoping for sympathy especially considering the kiss they shared earlier but she is out of luck. For once Jason is thinking of his friend rather than thinking with his dick and as much as it pains him he too rescinds her invitation and she has to leave. You can tell Jason hated to do it but he stuck by his friend. shame really because much as I loved her and Hoyt I was really enjoying her with Jason and love that Jason’s answer to it all is to do some push ups. Yes Jason that will make it all better.
Eric shows us once again that he is annoying with amnesia as he talks about running away rather than fighting so him and Sookie can be together forever. Oh Eric where is your spine *Sigh*. Hope you find it soon!!! The cute factor has outplayed its welcome by a long way. So Sookie talks him into joining Bill’s big fight with the witches that is due to happen at midnight in a graveyard because where else would it be???
Antonia and Bill face off both pretending to be alone …. Antonia calls Bill out for being a lier and Pam, Eric, and Sookie appear behind him …… Bill calls Antonia a liar and she waves her arms and her little band of witches including Tara appear behind her. After some stupid discussion in which neither side believes anything the other is saying – Sookie peeks into Antonia’s head and screams SHE IS CASTING A SPELL!!!!!!!!!! More vamps appear behind Bill complete with his armed human guards with their assault rifles and Antonia does more arm waving and more witches appear behind her complete with lots of fog to confuse everyone. Eric does show a spark of his old self and punches right through one of the witches and rips her heart out and holds it up gleefully …. oh Eric maybe there is hope … Pam manages to pin Tara and as much as I hate to agree with my husband if she hadn’t insisted on the Pam insults and had just killed her she would have got away with it but sadly Bill comes up behind her and orders her not to ever hurt Tara now or in the future. As Pam says LAME!!!! If only she had had another few seconds Tara would be no more *sigh*.
Lots of chaos and fighting pursues with random vamps getting staked and witches dying (no one of any consequence) and suddenly Sookie gets shot in the gut by someone unknown and we see her falling down by a gravestone …. this gets Eric’s attention for a second (as he is munching away on another witch) but then Antonia is in front of him and somehow uses magic to turn him into a puppy (Oh Eric we almost had a bit of the old you back …. Alan Ball what are you doing to him???? This is NOT KEWL!!!!!) ……Bill hears it too but it distracts him and allows 2 of the witches to grab and silver him …. and all this time Sookie is bleeding out by a grave. You would have thought that Eric blood she ingested would have helped at least a little bit but apparently not …. but fear not … its Alcide to the rescue *Sigh … really …. a were … ugh could this episode get any worse* …. and he whisks her up into his arms and walks off with her through the fog and we see Debbie change from wolf to human and look devastated …. oooooooohhhhhhhh he’s not going to get away with that lol……
And the major cliffhanger this week … and the WHOLE Trailer for next week … Will Sookie survive??? Hmmmmmm not exactly a cliffhanger is it … let me think about this for about 2 seconds … I am going to go out on a limb here and say Yes … I think she might just make it!!!!!!
Memorable Lines From Spellbound
Jason – “Oh No Andy – seriously you would eat a dead pile of Bula carter off the ground?????”
Andy – “Jesus, tits and God America Jason what is happening to me?”
Eric – “My Liege” …. Sookie – “My …….. Bill”
Pam – “You’ve got to fucking be kidding me ….. This is SO FUCKING LAME!!!! (Yes I hear you Pam … Bill is LAME!!!! Does he not remember tara threw him out into the sun???” *SIGH*