Most vampire lovers have an image in their head when they hear the word “Bloodlust”. In fact with vampire movies gaining mass market popularity and the many television shows that feature serial killers (both fictional and real), I would imagine that almost anyone you talk to would have some kind of image that they could conjure up if they had to. From hungry newborns tearing through people to sate their unquenchable thirst to a human killer on a mass murdering spree, bloodlust is generally, I would suggest, synonymous with death and carnage.
Well what about a person who loves nothing more than to see vampires rip through a train full of perfectly innocent passengers? Where does she fall into that spectrum? When is the obsession out of control? When stopping and re-watching a YouTube video over and over because it gives you chills as for once the darker side of vampire nature is being shown and embraced rather than the glossy, sparkly vegetarian version? (YouTube Video – The Thirst). When thrilling in the fact that for once the vampire doesn’t have to “change” into a humanitarian version of themselves to be adored? Because, let’s be honest here … 95% of movies and books where the vampires aren’t either killed off, or chased into the darkness, those vampires had given up most of their vampyric tendencies and “lost” any resemblance to the creature that they really are.
So I ask you this …. am I suffering from a form of bloodlust? My cravings for all things dark and dangerous have never been stronger. For almost 30 years now I have immersed myself in everything vampire related that I can get my hands on. My husband frequently having to listen to comparisons and “facts”. Amused by the never-ending sources I seem to find and arguments I have about things that can never be proven and yet I will swear until the end of days that my answers are the way things are and not just my opinion. The re-watches and re-reads of television shows, movies and books. The scouring on the internet for anything new that may be known about the newest season of True Blood. Complaining when vampires humanize and lose the very vampire qualities that I crave. Why do they feel the need to fit in and be “accepted”? They could rule everything and yet over and over the story is created that the majority want nothing more than to live happily among their food source and the few that see the potential are labelled outcasts.
Where does this leave me? Well I am one of the lucky ones. My husband loves me with a vampire ferocity second to none, despite my tenuous grasp on where the veil of reality is. He is my anchor but do not misunderstand. He is almost as far from the light as I am. He may not immerse himself in the supernatural in the way that I do, but pain, domination, and graveyards are as soothing to him as they are to me. We have a connection that is as strong as any vampire mates and the continuous turmoil in my mind can often be soothed by a simple touch. Add to that he is stunning, in that classic vampire way, (I have a friend who has a picture of him adorning their wall along with more well-known vampires actors), and turns the head of almost every woman we see when we are out, (although he would deny it) because he has a power about him that is intoxicating, and you are blessed with just a glimpse of what I get to live with.
Then recently (well in the grand scheme of things anyway) I have come across other’s who to some degree or other have the same feelings I do. Perhaps in some cases they hover closer to the lighter side than others but they are there. While my husband works I can discuss all things dark to my heart’s content. Be it a random post on Facebook or several hours of texting and phone calls, I feel surer than ever about who I am. I am darkness, I am pain, I am me!
YouTube video linked is The Thirst by Various Vampires set to the song “The Thirst Is Taking Over” by Skillet