Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V

*Disclaimer – All thoughts and comments made are PURELY MY opinion.  I have no personal experience of E L James or her actual process when it comes to writing.  I have no idea about her “real” life and all comments are based on my thoughts having read the book Fifty Shades Of Grey*

Fifty Shades Of Grey – the book that is now everywhere and being described as so erotic that libraries in certain states are feeling the need to pull it from the shelves (something I personally abhor … this is 2012 .. do we really need censorship?)  The back of the book promises that is “Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever” ….. I think they gave me the wrong book!!

Luckily (or unluckily) for me, my library was not one of the ones that decided to pitch in with the whole censorship thing and I picked up my copy a couple of days ago and I will admit I was excited to see what all the hype was about.  I love dark erotica so something that was so “shocking” that it was being removed from shelves really called out to my dark cravings.  Of course the fact that when I got it I thought it was going to be about a vampire helped too … for the record it isn’t, but the book still could have been good.

Maybe my expectations were too high.  I was expecting something more along the lines of “The Sleeping Beauty” trilogy by Anne Rice which is erotica at its finest and takes you there from a couple of pages in and doesn’t drop the ride through the whole 3 books.  What I got instead was a very tame girl (Ana) who meets a high power, but young Christian Grey, and they become a little obsessed.  Now to even get to that you have to plough through 70 pages where the most daring thing is a kiss with pinned hands and a little hair pulling in an elevator oh and Miss Ana feeling naughty because she uses his toothbrush without asking.  No I am not exaggerating!!

Having heard so many good things I decide to stick with it assuming that the more erotic stuff is further into the book.  But I won’t lie, it was not an easy read. The characters are flat for the most part unless they are emailing.  The emails back and forth are cute, especially the subject headings, but cute was not really what I thought the book was going for …. maybe I was wrong.

Christian Grey is basically a total control freak and he openly admits he is a Dom.  (Maybe that is shocking??)  He wants to control his lover down to what she wears, eats, who she spends time with etc but honestly? anyone with the slightest knowledge of the BDSM scene would know that this is really not very unusual and it certainly isn’t shocking. What he wants is his own little submissive but then he doesn’t really because he loves every time little Miss Ana contradicts him.  I think he is confused!  Oh but then we have the contract that they keep going back to.  Pages and pages of “Hard Rules” and “Soft Rules” and really I am starting to ask myself by now if perhaps Ms James picked up a copy of BDSM for dummies and is using that for her reference because there is NOTHING sexy or SHOCKING about the way that contract is done.  It covers only the most basic of stuff that a lot of couples do without even thinking about it being part of that culture.

The sex is tame (even the stuff that is supposed to be filled with debauchery) and the story drags leaving me with no interest to find out what they do with their lives at all.  Even worse is at the end of the book (Major Spoiler Alert) Ana asks Christian to spank her with the belt … then leaves him forever because he does!! RIDICULOUS! (OK so it probably isn’t forever as there are 2 more books in this trilogy, 2 more books that I will not be hunting out).

So my question is this.  What is everyone finding so shocking and what am I missing?  The only conclusion I can come to is that this is a book written by a bored middle american housewife who thinks she is pushing boundaries that she doesn’t understand (perhaps writing out her fantasies that she is never going to be able to fulfil?), writing for other bored middle american housewives who have never done anything remotely exciting in the bedroom and wouldn’t know where to begin.  My advice to them … watch 9 1/2 weeks.  That is a tale of obsession and it is far sexier that what is written here (and no paper trail lol).  Or if you want to read some real dark erotica, try the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, on second thoughts if you really thought this was naughty you better not.

I hear they are making a movie. Perhaps that will be better, not because it will be any naughtier but because hopefully someone will bring the character of Christian Grey to life.  He had potential, Mickey Rourke kind of potential, and maybe the right actor could make it an interesting watch (I am guessing it would get a PG 13 rating but maybe America will be daring and actually PUSH this to where is could have gone …. but I don’t hold out much hope).

My advice to my dark loving friends would be to give it a miss.  Read at your own risk of boredom, or read and tell me I am wrong, tell me what I am missing.  Perhaps I live so far into the darkness I just can no longer recognize what is risqué and what is not.  Hmmmmmm interesting thoughts for a sunday morning ……



17 responses to “Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V

    • I know I wish I had read something about it BEFORE I got it …. the only good thing was is first it was from the library and second I won’t have to worry about reading the other two. V””V

  1. Apparently, she lives in London and was a previous tv executive. I have heard all the hype as well & considered reading it, but now I won’t. Quite a few of my friends go on about how naughty it is, but having read The Sleeping Beauty books by Anne Rice & hearing that it doesn’t even compare I will skip it. I will be watching 9 1/2 weeks though!

  2. I have not read this and don’t intend to because you are not the only one who says this. I have a lot of clients ranging from 20 -70 and few of them absolutely loved it! However the majority of them who enjoy most of the same books as I do hated it. Not disliked, HATED and some wouldn’t even finish reading it. I do find it interesting that no one I have talked to said it was just okay or kind of good. There was no grey area it was completely black and white. Loved it or hated it. I won’t read however I may pick up The Sleeping Beauty books instead.

    • I suppose it depends what expectations you go in with. The only reason I kept reading was that people kept saying it gets better and will hook you. We it didn’t and the end I was so disgusted with I literally THREW the book down much to the amusement of my husband. People have told me to stick with them and that the 2nd and 3rd are better but I am done. I gave this one the benefit of the doubt and the only good thing is I now have an opinion when people talk about it lol V””V

  3. Pingback: Pleasure, Pain, And The Fifty Shades Of My Darker Life V””V « vampirelovingdork

  4. I try to never go into a book or movie with expectations, because in the past I have been extremely disappointed. The only reason I jumped on the band wagon honestly, was because I am bored and I love to read. I had heard that the writer originally intended this as a twilight fan fiction so honestly I didn’t have high expectations. I actually found her to be a pretty decent writer, maybe that is because the last book series I read was in fact, Twilight and Stephenie Meyer couldn’t write a decent story to save her life.
    There are no doubts, parts of the book were tedious but overall I found the wit and snark rather captivating. For being a book about bdsm it was a little tame in my opinion, I absolutely agree on that point. I think the reason people find it taboo is because they probably aren’t well versed in the actual lifestyle so it seems hardcore to them because they are in fact “vanilla”. Admittedly, I read all the books in the series and I liked them, but I found myself often wishing for more story and less sex. I think as a whole she’s got good potential as an author but should perhaps stick to what she knows.

  5. I’d give you my review, but I couldn’t make it through the entire book. That being said, what I did read, sucked. Felt like I was reading poorly written fan-fiction (I can make that myself and not have to buy it).

    • I kept with it as people kept assuring me it would get better. They lied! The same people are not telling me that i just have to read the 2nd book but that will not be happening. I have zero interest in what happens next! V””V

  6. If the last two are like the first book, I don’t see why you would have any interest in what happens next. More spanking? Big whoop. Could care less.

  7. Pingback: Movie References, Bloodlust, & A Severe Case Of Book A.D.D V””V « vampirelovingdork

  8. I found my way over from your post on One More Chapter. I love your review. It is spot on! I did read all 3 books and they do get better because Christian goes from being a complete a-hole to a more sympathetic character. I thought the books were a good story with amatuerish writing that could have benefited from a good editor. A long mundane trilogy should have been sliced down to an entertaining stand alone novel. I’ve never read much BDSM, but I have read erotica and the sex in this was nothing. I did enjoy reading your review.

  9. I only managed the first 10 pages. Thank goodness for Nook’s free preview. I would have added this book to the top of the list of money really badly spent had I actually bought the thing. Now it is at the top of the time wasted list instead.

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