In the week or so since I wrote my thoughts about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon (that seems to be everywhere at the moment) I have been interested to see that of all the musings I have written THAT is the one that has the most views. Not the most comments but the one that people are coming in to look at. (Original Blog Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V Here)
From Facebook to Talk Shows, Magazines to Twitter, I am amazed that this seems to be the subject of every other discussion with the general focus on how “shocking” and “erotic” the book to the extent libraries are removing copies from their shelves (proving yet again that they don’t read EVERYTHING in their libraries as many of Laurell K Hamilton’s books are far more risqué and questionable), and yet again I find myself questioning how “people” would react to the fifty shades of darkness that is my everyday life.
As I have mentioned before, inside my head is a very dark place where I constantly walk a fine line to keep me grounded in this side of reality, tethered by the love of family and friends who accept and feel no need to change me (not that they could if they wanted to). So what is it that people are finding so compelling about a book that I could barely force myself to finish?
After much thought (and discussion) I have decided it has to be a combination of pain and control that most people do not associate with their pleasure and thus find it shocking but in a “safe” way that enables them to feel “naughty” by reading it, when the reality would just not be something they would have any idea about.
Now I am not that familiar with the whole BDSM community although I do know people who are, but what I do know is what my life is like, and that book just pales in comparison to my reality. In my bedroom no safe words are needed. No lines are drawn and no contracts signed but then submission is not in my nature, or that of my husband.
We are both dominant and we fight for control with the winner being “forced” to “comply” (I don’t think of it as submission). When we bite, our teeth are bared (no little love nips here), and we are both well aware that pain and pleasure is a line that we like to cross frequently. People will argue that it is all about trust but for me it is all about that element of danger.
Which is why I think I am drawn so much to the vampires that I love. I crave that loss of control. I want total abandonment of everything except that moment and not in a hearts and flowers sort of way. For me a pair of vampires tearing through a train load of innocents to avenge the wrongs of other mortals is far more erotic than any contract to play in “the red room of pain” where there actually seems to very little ACTUAL pain inflicted despite the promising name.
But it doesn’t have to be from a vampyric point of view that this control is achieved. Much as I love my husband I am under no delusion that he is anything other than human, but human’s have the same ability to surrender control under the right circumstances. Take the movie 9 1/2 weeks. Mickey Rourke inserts himself into Kim Basinger’s life and shows how good a bad romance can really be. He never asks her permission to do what he does and at one point Kim’s character actually asks “how did you know I would react to you the way I do” and my answer to that is that it is instinctual.
On some base level we are all animals. We hunt, we crave, we desire, and not everything we want is in our best interests and yet we do it anyway even knowing that it may not be healthy and when I say WE I refer to the few of us that ignore, or don’t have, the little voice in our heads saying it is wrong. Our little inner vampire that wants to do bad things and enjoy them … and for those that don’t understand …. well they have Fifty Shades of Grey …..