Pleasure, Pain, And The Fifty Shades Of My Darker Life V””V

In the week or so since I wrote my thoughts about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon (that seems to be everywhere at the moment) I have been interested to see that of all the musings I have written THAT is the one that has the most views.  Not the most comments but the one that people are coming in to look at. (Original Blog Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V Here)

From Facebook to Talk Shows, Magazines to Twitter,  I am amazed that this seems to be the subject of every other discussion with the general focus on how “shocking” and “erotic” the book to the extent libraries are removing copies from their shelves (proving yet again that they don’t read EVERYTHING in their libraries as many of Laurell K Hamilton’s books are far more risqué and questionable), and yet again I find myself questioning how “people” would react to the fifty shades of darkness that is my everyday life.

As I have mentioned before, inside my head is a very dark place where I constantly walk a fine line to keep me grounded in this side of reality, tethered by the love of family and friends who accept and feel no need to change me (not that they could if they wanted to).  So what is it that people are finding so compelling about a book that I could barely force myself to finish?

After much thought (and discussion) I have decided it has to be a combination of pain and control that most people do not associate with their pleasure and thus find it shocking but in a “safe” way that enables them to feel “naughty” by reading it, when the reality would just not be something they would have any idea about.

Now I am not that familiar with the whole BDSM community although I do know people who are, but what I do know is what my life is like, and that book just pales in comparison to my reality.  In my bedroom no safe words are needed. No lines are drawn and no contracts signed but then submission is not in my nature, or that of my husband.

We are both dominant and we fight for control with the winner being “forced” to “comply” (I don’t think of it as submission).  When we bite, our teeth are bared (no little love nips here), and we are both well aware that pain and pleasure is a line that we like to cross frequently.  People will argue that it is all about trust but for me it is all about that element of danger.

Which is  why I think I am drawn so much to the vampires that I love.  I crave that loss of control.  I want total abandonment of everything except that moment and not in a hearts and flowers sort of way.  For me a pair of vampires tearing through a train load of innocents to avenge the wrongs of other mortals is far more erotic than any contract to play in “the red room of pain” where there actually seems to very little ACTUAL pain inflicted despite the promising name.

But it doesn’t have to be from a vampyric point of view that this control is achieved.  Much as I love my husband I am under no delusion that he is anything other than human, but human’s have the same ability to surrender control under the right circumstances.  Take the movie 9 1/2 weeks.  Mickey Rourke inserts himself into Kim Basinger’s life and shows how good a bad romance can really be.  He never asks her permission to do what he does and at one point Kim’s character actually asks “how did you know I would react to you the way I do” and my answer to that is that it is instinctual.

On some base level we are all animals.  We hunt, we crave, we desire, and not everything we want is in our best interests and yet we do it anyway even knowing that it may not be healthy and when I say WE I refer to the few of us that ignore, or don’t have, the little voice in our heads saying it is wrong.  Our little inner vampire that wants to do bad things and enjoy them … and for those that don’t understand …. well they have Fifty Shades of Grey …..



13 responses to “Pleasure, Pain, And The Fifty Shades Of My Darker Life V””V

  1. From the library to our animalistic cravings i could not agree more. Humans trapped in
    upholding societys values seem to find this book a “look at me im naughty” badge to wave around. To which my inner geek/weird girl gags. To be clear im not upset american women are reading more and although i do love some rough handling. Im not hardcore bdsm. I just hate trends and those who are only aware of “subculture” because oprah told em too. If it took this book for u to get choked. Spanked. Or tied then your closed mind is gonna miss alot of lifes pleasures. As with anything…question.explore.

  2. I’m not really into trends either. To me, if I’m just jumping into something else because everyone else is, it just really isn’t worth it.
    And as far as Fifty Shades go, not that i’ve read it, and not that I plan on it reading it, to me it feels like this . . . trend of bored housewives who aren’t getting what they want from their husbands. They are reading this book about spanking, and BDSM and loosing control (from what i’ve heard, not really sure) and they are thinking, what have I been missing? I’m assuming on some level everyone knows about the BDSM scene, but they don’t really think about it until the possibility is thrown right into their face.
    Why the book is so much more popular and controversial than the Anita Blake books? Well, it’s more ground in reality, i’m thinking. There isn’t really the possibility that the readers of the Anita Blake books can go out, and accurately re-enact any of the kinky scenes in her books. For the Fifty Shades book, i’m assuming the women who are reading it, are just imagining their selves being lost to a man like Christian Grey. Why? Because their literary circle is very limited. Most of the demographic that this is book is aimed towards doesn’t really have the time to read, let alone the energy. So they aren’t really exposed to the kind of books we read (and i’m assuming, if I did read 50 Shades, I wouldn’t be all that shocked by the sex scenes).
    And as far as the loss of control during sex goes, i’m thinking it has a lot to do with the release of adrenaline, and loosing yourself to the moment. You can just roll over, relinquish your control and wonder, what’s going to happen to me next? It’s almost like when you go on a roller coaster, and your about to go down that giant dip, you can see what’s coming, but your stomach is doing that flip flops, and there is the little voice in your head that says, what happens if something goes wrong? (Well mine does, roller coasters freak me out, lol)

  3. Here is my extra add on. . . I am seriously seriously seriously getting tired of hearing about it.

  4. Pingback: Movie References, Bloodlust, & A Severe Case Of Book A.D.D V””V « vampirelovingdork

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