Well my fellow True Blood Fans, Firstly let me apologize for the delay in this weeks posting. Life here has been a little hectic with a visit from my Lovely Lauren from Missouri and then just general chaos preventing me from getting on here. But I am here now and ready to go with Episode 3, Whatever I am, You made me! (For those you of new to my spoiler reviews there is a LOT of detail as some people read them from other countries that can’t get to see the episode yet. I also list my favorite memorable lines at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use), and new for this year as HBO Go has added online extras while you watch I have added in the time stamps for each of them : Listed after the memorable lines)
Episode 3 starts us off with an Interview With The Vampire moment with Tara seeing things through her new “Vampire Eyes” as she heals from her encounter with the silver Febreeze spray at the end of episode 2 (With Sookie and Lafayette in pursuit but no match for her new-found vampire speed). She realizes how much she can see and hear with her new senses and as she comes across a stranded motorist she realizes she is HUNGRY!!! Just as she is about to rip the throat out of the very pathetic woman begging for her life Tara see’s a cross hanging from the rear view mirror and takes off at super vamp speed (She certainly mastered THAT skill quickly!)
With Tara running crazily through the woods we turn to see what is going on over at the Vampire Authority headquarters and the debate is still in progress as to whether or not Bill and Eric are going to meet the true death (My vote is going to go with NOPE lol). Can I add at this point that this whole Authority cast is just not really working for me. Alexander (The child) is childish, Rosalyn the redhead is dull, Dieter and Kibwe are less annoying but have yet to really do much and Salome just reminds me of a less interesting version of Lorena. Anyway I digress …… so the debate rages on as the possibility of Russell still being alive causes much panic as he is of course the poster boy for the anti mainstream movement.
With the decision made not to stake them at the moment everyone leaves apart from Roman and Salome and he gives the order to send in the new “Nan Flanigan” and guess who it is … none other than the Reverend Steve Newlin! I KNEW The Authority was behind his turning!!! So Steve is in full smarm mode saying all the things he thinks Roman wants to hear, disparaging the humans he was so recently one of and he gets rather a sharp wake up call. The Authority as it stands is all about respecting their human heritage and Roman makes sure that Steve realizes just how young and stupid he is … with a nice healthy dose of fear!
Talking of fear it seems that the Authority has a few other tricks up its sleeves other than the whole silver injection torture as bill and Eric find out when they go to get strapped into their iStakes. Yes you read that right, it seems Apple is even used in the vampire world. This nifty little gadget (controlled by an ap of course) is strapped to the vampires chest and then a mini stake can be activated at any time just by a click on a cell phone. It also lets them track where they are, who they are eating, etc etc and is of course unbreakable being resistant to fire, water, and any other force that a vampire could think to throw at it.
Sookie, in the meantime, is still on the hunt for Tara and she goes to Fangtasia to try and enlist Pam’s help. We find Pam (looking FABULOUS!!) showing off her texting skills that are easily a match for Franklin! (Oh hilarious … I just typed that and on the HBO Go Extras that just popped up … Amusing!). So Sookie is trying to convince Pam to help and Pam is less than amused convinced that something has happened to Eric and it probably involves Sookie. Sookie being the persistent little annoyance she can be keeps insisting until Pam loses her temper and throws her across the bar. Amusing as that was I don’t think anyone expected Sookie to use her microwave fingers and attack Pam with a ball of light throwing HER across the room. Hmmmm Sookie seems to have rather fine control over those fae powers lately.
With Tara obviously not at Fangtasia we get to see where she headed, the one place other than Sookie’s that she probably feels safe. Merlottes where Sam is there to greet her and whilst surprised he handles it with normal Sam coolness taking her in and giving her bottle after bottle of True Blood. I mean seriously she must have drunk through 12 bottles and was still going when the daylight sleepies hit and she just collapses. Sam to the rescue again and he scoops her up and carries her to the walk in freezer. I am sure Pam would approve 😀
Daytime in place and it’s all go in Bon Temps. Over at the police station Andy discovers that there is a naked picture of him floating around the net from his encounter with Holly, and whilst he is stressing at everyone about that in walks Mr and Mrs Pelt, having been called in to discuss their missing daughter since her car was just discovered. The Pelts also pay a little visit to Alcide to ask if he knew anything and they find out that he abjured her. They certainly have a different view of how their little girl behaved but I have to agree with her mom that even Debbie would take her money with her!!
Over at the supermarket, Jason, who obviously has the day off, runs into one of his old teacher who we quickly learn he had more than the normal student / teacher relationship. In fact he credits her with making him the lover that he is today and when she tries to convince him it was wrong they end up back at her place (complete with crazy cats) and back where they both started. Afterwards though, despite Jason being the one to initiate it all, he gets hit with the sudden realization that maybe everything about how he goes about things is wrong and that is why he feels such an emptiness. So off he runs leaving his poor ex teacher naked and confused and probably traumatized for life. Oh well not much we can do about that.
At Merlottes (with Tara still in the freezer complete with note on door warning people to stay out) Work continues as normal and when I say work I mean Arlene whining about what is going on with Terry. As we know from the previews Terry is about to go off and get himself into a whole load of trouble but all he will tell Arlene (after saying he will tell her as much as he can) is that he is going somewhere with Patrick … right now! He can’t tell her where, he can’t tell her what they are going to do, and he can’t tell her for how long, which leaves Arlene in tears as Terry walks out and Sookie and Lafayette walk in to ask her if she has seen Tara causing Arlene to just run to the ladies room.
Sookie heads to Sam’s office where Sam is half asleep in the chair but gets up to talk to Sookie in perhaps the funniest scene of last night. Knowing her mind reading abilities he decides to think about her boobs while she is talking to him unfortunately he reminds himself to think of boobs instead of the walk in freezer which is all the clue Sookie needs to work out what happens. Not a big shifter fan but Sam is just so understanding in this scene it is really cute.
And the problems are just starting at Merlottes with Andy investigating the missing Debbie Pelt. Sookie holds it together during her questioning but Lafayette in the background is definitely beginning to freak out more than a little bit. With Sookie’s questioning over Andy moves on to Holly and it looks like he is about to freak out over the picture of his rear end that is floating around but he starts by showing her Debbie’s picture (which she hasn’t seen before) and then just shows her the picture and is actually pretty cool about the whole thing. Who knew??? Then in a round about way he asks her to go steady with him … awwwwwww … rather dull but kinda cute nonetheless.
Back over at Fangtasia, yes during the daytime, we get to see Pam sleeping in her coffin and we get a lot more of the flashback that was started last week. I love these scenes!!! In this one Eric has paid a visit to Pam’s brothel and he is being shown all her “girls” but his only interest is in Pam and although she puts up a slight protest she changes her mind when Eric says that he knows everyone has their price. It turns out her price is to stop the murdering of her girls who happen to be being drained by other vampires. And what a surprise when we see who those vampires are. It is the lovely Lorena and a very newly turned and hilariously full of himself Bill. Extremely amusing as Lorena is acting far more demurely than we have ever seen her and Bill is totally on the offensive obviously with no idea as to how vampire laws really work. Pam shows a bit of the spunk we have come to know and love when Eric tells them to apologize, she adds that they also have to pay for each of the girls that they have drained and Eric just raises an eyebrow. Lorena apologizes and Bill runs away in typical Bill fashion and Lorena heads after him. Pam and Eric kiss and we fade back to reality with a single solitary blood tear running down Pam’s face in her coffin as she sleeps.
Back at Authority Headquarters Salome is up to no good and her first target is Bill. She is out in full seduction mode and Bill is eating it up with a spoon. We get to learn a little of Salome’s history with the fact that she was in fact the Salome mentioned in the Bible but in reality she was a misunderstood girl with a very messed up family. It all ends with a sex scene very unworthy of True Blood.
Over in Bon Temps Jessica is out shopping for new clothes and after exchanging a few words with the owner about Jason (who of course Tracy has slept with) when in walks Claude (the fairy we saw briefly in the Season 4 premier, brother to Claudine who Eric ate last season), and Claude smells GOOD to Jessica!! She completely loses it and tries to chase him down but luckily for Claude fairies are fast and he manages to get away.
While Jessica is playing “hunt the fairy” poor Hoyt is obviously heartbroken and goes to Fangtasia all gothed out. I know this shouldn’t make me laugh but it does!! It just looked sooooooooo WRONG!!!! Pam recognizes him as Jessica’s and tries to warn him that he will get eaten alive reeking of desperation the way he does but apparently that is all part of Hoyt’s plan. The sight of Hoyt’s desperation cues Pam’s second flashback of the night picking up after she has slept with Eric and they are resting in bed. It is a truly beautiful scene and you can see the connection between them even then (which is why this whole Eric and Pam being on the outs just DOES NOT WORK FOR ME!!! DO YOU HEAR ME MR BALL??). So anyway …. Pam asks Eric to turn her stating that the life that she has is not worth living and that she has no future worth living for. Eric is reluctant stressing the responsibility that comes with being a maker but Pam is resourceful as ever cutting her wrists and giving him the option to let her walk the world with him or to stand there and watch her die. Well the rest is history!
Talking of Eric, back at Authority Headquarters Salome is at it again but this time with him. She is waiting for him in her bedroom and has obviously set her sights on sleeping with him too. She knows about Eric and Nora’s connection and all about Godric and taunts him that he has a choice and a chance to save her. Eric resists for a while and for a moment there I actually thought he was going to turn her down but as with most men he succumbs *sigh*. Which set’s Bill up for perhaps the funniest line of the show when he says Eric had “Sloppy Seconds” Ewwww!!!! What an image!!! Not as bad as for poor Roman though who was heading there right after Eric.
Whilst all the frolicking is going on poor Nora is being tortured by the annoying redheaded Rosalyn. Nora holds out really well until they bring up Eric’s name and then she confesses that she is in fact a supporter of the Sanuguinister movement. Now whether she really is or not as yet remains to be seen but if you ask me that movement looks a whole lot more fun than the mainstreaming one!!! As Eric pointed out in Season 1 to Bill’s description of Tru Blood …. it will keep you alive but will bore you to death. Hmmm think I would be all about passing on that!! Give me the humans lol.
Jessica, having been unable to catch her fairy, goes to visit Jason because she decided she needed sex. But poor Jason is feeling all weird after his earlier encounter and can’t go through with it. he tries to get Jessica to leave but she proves that she does really care about him and goes and changes into some sweats so that they can just talk because she wants to be his friend. Awwwwwwww. These two really are cute together!! I love how we have seen Jason grow over the last 4 seasons!!
And so we head to the Alan Ball fuck with your head first moment of the season! We see Arlene walking into the freezer at Merlottes just as Tara is awakening for the night and we see Tara RIP ARLENE’S THROAT OUT!!! Blood everywhere ….. and then Tara wakes up to Lafayette holding a bottle of Tru Blood under her nose. Damnit Mr Ball you got me for a second there. It was like the Jessica / Hoyt moment all over again. Most excellent.
While Lafyette is trying to deal with a very pissed of Tara in the freezer, Alcide is outside the door trying to warn Sookie that Debbie may be after her. Sookie tries to brush him off but it turns out Alcide isn’t all stupid after all, quickly realizing that first she seems not to care about Russell and now Debbie?? Something is wrong….and no sooner than Sookie says nothing is wrong ….. Tara makes an appearance and EVERYONE is there to see it, Arlene, Alcide, Sam, Sookie and Lafayette. Tara throws some words around and then takes off AGAIN leaving Sookie to try and calm Alcide. In the meantime Arlene decides to give Lafayette grief about him letting Tara get turned and the result is the first emergence of the demon that entered him during Marnie’s possession and he tops off the gumbo with about half a gallon of bleach!! He catches a glimpse of his demon self in the mirror and pulls it together enough to tip everything down the sink but I have a feeling that there is a lot more of this to come.
Outside Sookie explains to Alcide the events that happened in the kitchen and Alcide is understandably not amused mainly because he was going to be looking for her and Sookie was just going to let him. To make matters worse Sookie takes that moment to ask what Alcide plans on doing with the information. Stupid girl! Even I know Alcide wouldn’t do that!
And to finish off the night we see Tara heading into a tanning salon and decides it is a good time to hit the tanning bed. Someone should have told her that a stake would be a much better option … although to me this is the equivalent of a little cry for help with none of the real intention there. What Tara failed to take into account with this little plan (or maybe it is what she counted on all along) is that Pam can “sense” that she is in trouble and let’s just say Pam is not very amused. The episode ends with Pam rolling her eyes and saying “You Stupid Bitch”!
Overall a pretty good episode. I am already rather annoyed by the whole Authority thing and wish they would just get to the good Russell stuff already. I was hoping after the little glimpse last week that he would be back in action this week. Whilst I adore the whole Pam / Eric history I dislike the actual story especially the fact that Bill is Pam’s elder although I think this was mentioned before (season 4) but as with a lot of facts I don’t like I think I just blacked that one out. Loved seeing Lorena and would LOVE to see a bit more of the four of them in the past!! Roll On Sunday!!!
Memorable Lines From Whatever I Am, You Made Me
- Pam – “You haven’t done shit for me Tinkerbell!”
- Pam – “What are you looking at …. Go back to dry humping each other and buy more overpriced drinks or get the fuck out!”
- Steve – “Humans are not rational … they are motivated 100% by fear”
- Authority Gadget Girl – “You Guys Are Too Cute To Be Goo”
- Salome – “The Human Bible … it’s little better than US weekly”
- Tracy (Tracy’s Togs) – “God gave that boy a penis and brain and only enough blood to run one at a time”
- Eric – “If you had any idea the responsibility that comes with being a maker you wouldn’t dare ask!”
- Eric- “Becoming a maker is an eternal commitment, greater than any marriage, deeper than any human bond, to throw that away is sacrilidge!”
HBO Go – Extras
- 00.43 – Vamp Skill : Sight
- 01.57 – Vamp Skill : Hearing
- 02.27 – Vamp Skill : Strength
- 03.42 – How To Be A Vampire (Video)
- 05.29 – A Real Humanitarian
- 05.47 – Bill and The Authority (Video)
- 06.15 – Relive : Fast Fingers (Video)
- 07.34 – Taking Pam Down
- 07.48 – Relive : Girl Fights
- 08.49 – Tara and Sam (Video)
- 11.52 – The New Newlin (Video)
- 12.25 – Relive : Bill and Eric’s Topless Adventures
- 12.13 – True Triva : Who’s That Girl
- 12:36 – True Trivia : Who’s That Girl
- 12:41 – True Trivia : Who’s That Girl
- 15.11 – Sympathy For The Vamp (Video)
- 18.49 -A Tough Pill To Swallow (Video)
- 20.50 – Relive : Boobs On The Brain (Video)
- 22.19 – A Special Connection (Video)
- 24.14 – Everything Has Its Price
- 25.06 – True Secret : The Origin Of Pam
- 27.34 – The Oxford Werewolf Dictionary
- 27.40 – The Oxford Werewolf Dictionary
- 30.38 – Relive : Lafayette-isms
- 32.17 – Andy’s Game (Video)
- 32.29 – True Score : Hookups
- 37.24 – True Score : Hookups
- 37.34 – Vampire Intimacy (Video)
- 39.52 – Now Playing : Transistor Mon performed by Mark Slade
- 40.21 – Hoyt’s New look (Video)
- 43.01 – Making Pam (Video)
- 44.35 – Relive: Godric Makes Eric (Video)
- 44.52 – Second Look : Salome’s Boudoir
- 45.54 – True Score : Hookups
- 54.18 – True Score : Hookups
- 54.28 – Banging Salome (Video)
- 55.22 – Demon Mask