So Fellow Trubies here we are at the Season 5 Finale. How can 12 weeks have gone by so quickly!!! I will be the first to admit this season has had its ups and downs but I have to say Alan Ball certainly did us proud with his final writing instalment before he leaves the show. For the first time since the premiere there was yelling at the TV and finally a feeling that maybe this insanity WAS in fact leading to a plan. Oh yes normal disclaimer blah blah blah my spoiler reviews are long and detailed and this one may be even worse than normal due to total over excitement! My favorite memorable lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use), New for the finale …. Body / Goo Splatter count … and new for this year HBO Go added online extras time stamps for each of them : Listed after the body count).
Hang on people because here we go! At the end of last week Russell was about to embark of destroying a HUGE buffet of fairy goodness having eaten the elder and now apparently being not able only to see the fairy club but also immune to all the light they are throwing at him. Just when it looks like it might be curtains for all the little fae folk Eric appears from nowhere and whisks Russell away with a stake (piece of twig) to the heart and Russell crumbles away in an explosion of all the light he has ingested and becomes goo splatter number one in what promises to be a very goo filled finale. Awwwww Goodbye Russell … I for one will miss your insanity and the killing sprees which you love so much. Hopefully you and Talbot can now be together again. Kudos to Eric though for finally getting the revenge he has been searching for for a Millenia even if you did save the fairies in the process. I guess that was necessary *sigh*. So not even to the intro credits and already the body count has started!
With Russell goo and Steve running off into the woods, Sookie decides to come out to check on Jason who is still lying motionless by the tree he hit. Nora appears and she can smell Sookie the fairy and she wants to eat her. Part of me was just willing her to DO IT Mwahahaha but Eric steps in and despite Nora being very reluctant he makes her swear on Godric that she won’t eat her. Hilarious! Jason comes too and has obviously had quite a blow to his head because he sees Sookie as his mom … hmmmm that can’t be good. Someone should check him for a concussion!
Over at the vamp headquarters Bill is still being tortured by the voice of Lilith telling him to drink but he is not yet convinced. At the end of last week we saw him call for his breakfast and they were bringing Sam to him and that is where we pick things up. When Sam appears he starts by berating his useless guards for not being able to tell the difference between a human and a shifter smell. Hmmm maybe that explains why no one recognised that Sam and Luna were there after all. We are used to competent vampires! When Sam realises that there is no reasoning with Bill he turns into a fly and escapes providing much amusement for me as Bill jumps all over the place trying to catch him … and failing miserably. He then decides a better course of action is to yell and scream at his useless guards for allowing the breach to happen, while Salome watches on, and order that they scour the whole place for flies, mice, rats, fleas, in fact anything that moves and then kill it. If that fails to turn back into a person then keep hunting! As the guards are dismissed we think he is going to tell Salome that Bill believes he is the chosen one but it seems we have underestimated Bill. Instead he tells Salome that Lilith appeared to him and told him that Lilith appeared to him and told him that SHE was the chosen one and that he was to serve her loyally. Hmmm Bill what are you up to??
Down in the cells (Vampire Pantry?) Sam reappears in fly form and transforms just long enough to tell Luna that Bill has lost his mind and that he is casing the place for a way out. he tells Luna to just stay put but to shift and escape if the guards come for her and that Emma will obviously be safe as she is Steve’s pet.
Further along (perhaps in another sector) we see Pam and Jessica who have been placed in adjoining cells so are able to have some nice little girl talk. Jessica tries to convince Pam that Eric has become caught up in the whole cult thing but Pam is not convinced. Bill she believes would join in a heartbeat as he is always looking for something to feel guilty about but Eric has always made fun of religion. Pam points out that she has seen this over and over but it is normally the humans doing it. When Jessica points out that it has Bill so messed up he wasn’t even going to try to save Sookie because the book says she is an abomination Pam amusingly says that maybe there is something to this religion after all!! Pam has consistently been hilarious through this whole season and this continues through the finale. LOVE HER!
Eric and Nora, in the meantime, bickering like children, have headed to Fangtasia where Tara tells Eric that The Authority has Pam. We get to see that Eric has been stashing money away for a looooooooooong time! I for one would DEFINITELY like access to that wall!! Nora is not happy about the plan to go and save Pam, who as she points out is just a former prostitute …. hmmmm watch it Nora …. I like you but things could definitely change! Even worse for Nora she finds out that Tara is family too so she has to, according to Eric, be nice to her! Oh much as Tara annoys me the look on her face at the moment was awesome!
Jason and Sookie have retreated to Sookie’s house where Sookie finally makes the sensible suggestion of taking Jason to the Emergency room to get checked out which seeing as Jason is not only seeing, but having conversations with his dead parents, may be a rather good idea. Before any decisions are made though Eric, Nora and Tara come rushing in, which reminds Sookie that Eric never gave her the deed to her house back. Eric promises to do it tomorrow, if the survive the night. Well that doesn;t sound too ominous now does it! Eric needs Sookie to come and help rescue Bill and Jessica oh and Pam who Tara keeps pointing out that Sookie owes. Eric and Jason get into trading insults (Jason runs out first) and Nora is still obsessing over how Sookie smells and really not being much help at all. Sookie eventually agrees despite Jason’s protests but “ghost daddy” Stackhouse (sorry couldn’t resist) tells Jason he could kill a lot of vamps in there so he says he is going too. Eric tells him not t be a fool to which we get one of the classic Jason lines of the season … “If I want to be a fool then I will be a fool …. That is my god given right as an American!”
Daytime hits and we head over to Jackson to see watch Alcide and his dad have a little bonding time after their babyvamp killing the night before. To be honest it all seems pretty pointless and getting us no closer to the obvious conclusion of Alcide trying to become Packmaster in Shreveport again but then Martha pulls up with Rikki thrown in the back seat and Rikki is not in good shape at all. Apparently JD has been force feeding them all lots of V and Rikki is having a pretty bad reaction to it. She can’t decide if she wants to fight or have crazy animal sex with Alcide but it is pretty clear that neither of those things are going to happen. Luckily for everyone it seems that Alcide’s dad has this special stuff that will get the V out of her system mainly through her skin so she ends up looking like she is covered in blood (almost like a Lilith reject) and suffering from the worst hangover ever. As Alcide learns all the things that JD has been up to (on top of the V feeding he has been forcing some of the younger wolves to have sex) he comes to the realization that he HAS to do something but he doesn’t know what. Luckily it is daddy to the rescue with some special “High Quality” (I am assuming some very old vamp) V that he keeps in the fridge for just such occasions. Alcide amazingly actually agrees that this is then only way to win. Hmmmm if he had just done that in the first place this whole storyline could have been skipped and left more time for the vamp goodness!
Jason and Sookie are taking advantage of the daylight to stock up at the now closed Stake Shop complete with their cargo of 3 vampires in their ultralight travel coffins thrown in the back of Jason’s truck with just a big tarp over them Jason lets Sookie know that he is all about killing vampires at the moment. ALL Vampires and that once they get into the Authority if it has fangs it is fair game. Sookie doesn’t like this new Jason and tries to talk him out of it but with Ghost Mommy and Ghost Daddy filling his ears with how great he is doing Jason seems, at least for now, to be heading towards a kill all vampires crusade. Not good! Let’s hope that he starts to see reason before they all have to work together.
Over at Merlottes Holly, Arlene, and Lafayette are taking advantage of the lack of customers (except of course Jane Bodehouse who seems to think she might have slept with Andy at some point in the woods …. well ok then lol) and are partying with some rather amazing drinks that Lafayette has made and a change in music rather than as LaLa loving calls it “Sam Merlotte’s Redneck Taste In Music”. I have to say it has been GREAT to see Lafayette back with his pizzazz this season. This is the LaLa we all fell in love with back in Season one and he has been a LONG time coming back to us!! To ruin a perfectly good party though Andy comes in with his pregnant fairy Morella who apparently needs to just drink tons and tons of salt. Very strange! As Andy settles Morella with her salt he goes to try and explain things to Holly who can tell that things aren’t good. After his confession, before poor Holly can even say what she thinks about it all Morella stands and announces, complete with glowing vagina, that her light broke! As night falls, with poor Holly acting as midwife and Andy, Lafayette, Arelene and Jane watching on Morella proceeds to go into labor and let me tell you, fae labor looks a lot more fun than regular old human labor. Morella was convulsing on the table with what can only be called “Laborgasms” rather than labor pains and a scream hitting notes high enough to break glass …. literally! We learn that Fae babies are born with no umbilical cords and apparently in multiples. Andy ends up with 4 beautiful little girls and when Morella is done she gets up and goes to leave letting Andy know that the light pact has been fulfilled and now it is his job to make sure at least half survive to adulthood!! Oh Andy, what HAVE you gotten yourself into!!
Back at the Vampire Headquarters we get to see Bill and Salome in bed …. now I know I was asking for some more sex this season but UGH not them!! Their sex looks so dull and uninteresting. You would think after a couple thousand years that at least Salome would have a couple of tricks to show off. *Sigh*. Could they not have thrown in some Eric / Nora action instead?? Would that have been too much to ask? Anyway while they are occupied as Rosalyn says “buttering each others biscuits ” Jason, Sookie, Eric, Nora and Tara are heading straight for them. Eric is amusing as he appears in the car window, having woken up, hanging upside down and asks Jason to Pull Over .. Pleeeeaaaseeeee. Too Funny!!
It all starts to get crazy now. Sam has a plan to get Emma out which involves Luna skinwalking as Steve Newlin and then coming in to get Emma out to go for a walk. All is going well and they free Emma (Sam hiding in fly form) but in the main entrance they run into Chelsea who is confused by Steve’s sudden loss of his Southern Accent. Despite Luna/Steve trying to cover they are luckily saved by a very annoyed Rosalyn who can’t find any of the other chancellors and who is desperately trying to save the public relations nightmare going on. I am not sure why exactly at this point they care what the humans think but apparently that is her job and she is sticking to it. Complete with Steve(Luna) going up to do a TV appearance. Poor Luna/Steve is freaking out a little and definitely does not look like the calm, I can sell anything, Steve Newlin that Rosalyn needs right now but as they are about to go live there doesn’t seem to be another option.
She may have wished that she had looked for one though as almost as soon as Luna/Steve starts talking she/he starts vomiting blood and shifts back into Luna! Right on live TV! Will this be the opening for next season for the shifters to come out? Luna quickly tells the world that vampires have an underground headquarters in New Orleans and they are keeping humans as prisoners for food before Rosalyn kicks over all the equipment. Rosalyn is FURIOUS and fangs out heads for Luna but Sam in fly mode flies into her mouth … and you guessed it … shifts in her throat causing her to explode and become the finale’s second pile of goo. So far that is 2 vampires down and you know this is just the start. After a quick smile at Sam in relief Luna collapses. We all know bu now that skinwalking takes a toll but we don’t see anything else tonight so whether she will survive this latest escapade will have to wait until next season. In my body count list I gave her a big question mark.
Quick time out here from all the vamp action to go to Shreveport where JD has captured a vamp and is about to feed the pack some more V when a very amped up Alcide comes in and doesn’t even wait for any conversation he just says that’s enough and starts beating the crap out of him. When another wolf looks like he is going to jump in Alcide’s dad jumps in and stops any interference and then Martha comes out with a shotgun to stop anyone else from interfering. The fight is over quickly and Alcide rips out JD’s throat. Hmmm well done Alcide. He then goes on to give a great big long speech about the honor of the pack and that anyone that doesn’t like it has 24 hours to leave. Blah Blah Blah … Yes I get it … well done Alcide … now back to the vampires!!!
Outside the vampire headquarters Eric and Nora drive up with Tara, Jason and Sookie apparently tied up in the back. Bill gives them permissions to come in but not before the guard comments on how amazing the blonde smells. Eric puts stop to that with a quick “She’s MINE!” Oh not heard that for a while. So Salome is busy getting her sacred blood, which of course she can’t just drink, she has to create this whole big ritual, and Bill is in his room spying on all the surveillance videos, and our attack team are in the elevator arming up like a bad episode of Buffy but Tara has a nifty little gadget to blow out all the surveillance monitors.
The doors open and poor Chelsea realises something is wrong and just manages to hit the emergency panic button before Jason shoots her making her goo pile 3. Now level 2 protocol is activated which I thought involved UV lights being triggered but Jason takes care of shooting out all the things in the ceilings which I thought were monitors but perhaps they stop the UV too? Or maybe I am just remembering that wrong. We do see the alarms going off in the cells too and no one is getting fried there either sooooo maybe that is only level one? Of course I should go back and watch and check but I wanted to write this up today so I haven’t yet .. I may come back in and edit later …..
But I digress… Eric and Nora flash off to go to another room leaving Jason to take care of 3 more guards … splat splat splat before Sookie and Tara can exit the elevator and head down to the cells to find Jessica and Pam.
Eric and Nora are floating near the ceiling in the main meeting chamber and manage to take out a whole team of guards (12 I believe) in fangtastic style to bring the goo count up to 18. Awesome!! Blood and goo everywhere!! LOVE IT!!!
Sookie and Tara go down to rescue Pam and Jessica but have to wait for Eric and Nora to disarm the system giving Tara the opportunity to splat yet another guard. Up to 19. Not a good day to work for the Authority! Watching Eric and Nora bicker as they try and disarm the system was funny! They are so adorable together. And their time taking gives Jason the chance to splat another vamp guard up in reception. That makes 20! When the doors to the cells can finally be opened Tara and Pam share a kiss that we have seen coming for a while now to a very triumphant “I KNEW IT” from Jessica! Adorable!
While the chaos reigns in other parts of the building Salome is preparing to drink the blood in her little ritual. Bill is there are seems to be trying to talk her out of it but Salome is set and says she trusts Lilith completely. Hmmmmm turns out while she was busy trusting Lilith she should have been paying more attention to Bill who has apparently switched the blood out and spiked the new blood with a ton of silver. Ooooh Salome you silly silly girl. For someone who is 2000 years old maybe you should have been a little more careful who you trusted. And so Bill reveals that he has the sacred Lilith blood safe in a little vial and then stakes and turns poor Salome into another pile of Goo with the last words “Lilith Chose Wisely” (which I disagree with) making our splat total 21 and as predicted the rest of the Authority is no more … except Nora …. hmmmmm maybe they are keeping her around for some steamy scenes with Eric in season 6? One can only hope!
As Bill finishes off Salome our band of renegades regroup in the lobby and manage to avoid Jason shooting them. Jessica is so happy to see Jason but he pretty much breaks her heart telling her that he could never love a vampire. Awwww poor Jessica :(. The look that Pam and Eric says and the little Hello I thought was just amazing. Those tiny actions speaking louder than a thousand words. Fangtastic! Eric tells them all to reload on the way up to the roof as there will be more guards waiting for them but then he and Sookie don’t get on the elevator. They are going to try and save Bill, a plan which no one else seems very thrilled about but then the doors close.
Eric and Sookie find Bill standing over Salome’s remains and try and talk him into just getting rid of the blood but Bill is too far gone. He says he only let them in in case he needed help finishing off Salome. He says he has never cared for Sookie and she is an abomination. Sookie is heartbroken and pleads with him to find what is left in himself but Bill is sick of apologizing and is ready to take control. (Let me add at this point my husband was SCREAMING at the tv DRINK THE BLOOD DRINK THE BLOOD …. it was hysterical and he was rewarded because Bill does indeed drink the rest of the supposed blood of Lilith and I don’t think ANYONE could have predicted what happened next!!! Bill starts bleeding from everywhere and explodes becoming a great big BILL PILE OF GOO!!!! NO WAY!!!!! Let me tell you the sounds in this house were hilarious. My husband tugging on my arm saying did you see that coming, shocked gasps from my daughter, and me saying NO WAY!!!
Surely they wouldn’t kill off Bill right?? I mean I know the shock of killing off a main character but BILL??? Well Alan Ball had us fooled and totally ruined my whole “once you are goo you are gone” theory. From the pile a good a large puddle of blood formed and from the blood formed BILL! Just as Lilith rose from the blood earlier in the season Bill or as my lovely Lauren dubbed him “Billith” rose naked and with the biggest fangs (I mean these are FRANKLIN sized) and he looks straight at Eric and Sookie …. and the season ends with Eric yelling RUN!!
Run??? RUN?? How is she supposed to outrun Billith? Pick her up and RUN WITH HER!!! And so ends yet another tumultuous season leaving us with the main questions being what on earth is going on with Bill now? And of course we still have no answers about Warlow. How will Andy deal with 4 half fae babies, and is Luna going to make it. Of course we have a year to wait ….. but yet Alan Ball left us a sneak peek online … only online after the credits rolled and now available on HBO Go and probably on YouTube ….. So I will leave you today with the details from that ……..
It is a scene in the elevator with the rest of the renegades getting everything reloaded and ready to stake more vamps. Tara and Pam agree to go on a date (Awwwwww) and we see Jason look as though he is about to maybe freak out and take out all the vamps in there with him. Before he can do something so stupid the doors open and they exit guns ready and fangs out. As they head up some stairs (taking out another guard in the way … does that count in the numbers? lol) Jason says that he is coming for Warlow … to which Nora asks what he knows about Warlow letting us know that obviously at least Nora has some information on the subject so maybe Eric does too …. and THAT IS ALL WE GET!!!!!!!!!! Oh it is going to be a LONG YEAR … and we all know WAITING SUCKS!!!!!
Memorable Lines From Save Yourself
- Eric – “Well that felt even better than I thought it would!”
- Nora – “OK I won’t eat her ….. swear on Godric”
- Tara- “Are you sure this thing is light tight ….. it looks like Tupperware”
- Jason – “If I want to be a fool then I will be a fool …. That is my god given right as an American!”
- Pam – “Must all roads lead to fucking Sookie?”
- Jason – “”That train has already sailed”
- Arelene – “Who knew watching an Alien give birth could be so comforting”
- Morella – “I honor what was, what is, and what will never be”
- Eric – “See what you have been missing? Working for the fucking Authority?”
Season Finale Body / Goo Splatter Count
- 1. Russell Edgington
- 2. Rosalyn
- 3. Chelsea the receptionist.
- 4, 5, 6. Three Guards by the elevator.
- 7-18 … Whole Team Of Guards
- 19. Prison Cells Guard
- 20. Guard in reception
- 21. Salome
- 22. Bill …… but not for long
? I still have a big ??? About Luna ….. she was vomiting blood before she shifted back and we see her collapse. Is it one skinwalk too many for her??
HBO Go – Extras
- 01.11 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 01.25 – Unusual Refusal (Video)
- 01.30 – An Ancient Feud
- 01.38 – An Ancient Feud
- 01.46 – An Ancient Feud
- 01.54 – An Ancient Feud
- 03.44 – Eternally Devoted (Video)
- 05.20 – No Obstacles (Video)
- 06.09 – Family Values (Video)
- 08.24 – Unlikely Allies (Video)
- 09.38 – Relive : A Special Connection (Video)
- 10.58 – Jessica’s Vlog : Authority Prisoners (Video)
- 12.18 – Selfless Sam (Video)
- 13.29 – Challenge Accepted (Video)
- 18.05 – Brotherly Love (Video)
- 20.59 – Now Playing : Dazz performed by Beck
- 21.57 – True Secret : Dueling DJ’s
- 22.44 – A Rowdy Regular
- 22.55 – True Secret : Faerie Cravings
- 26.13 – Relieve : Absolutely, Totally, Unavailable.
- 27.33 – Man on A Mission (Video)
- 29.19 – Relive : Health Code Violations At Merlotte’s
- 32.34 – Becoming Luna, Part 2 (Video)
- 33.43 – True Trivia : Jane Bodehouse
- 33.48 – True Trivia : Jane Bodehouse
- 39.50 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 39.56 – Kaboom
- 41.41 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 41.59 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 42.44 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 43.11 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 43.59 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 44.19 – A Long Time Coming (Video)
- 47.21 – Friendship Hierarchy (Video)
- 48.56 – True Score : Goo Counter
- 52.44 – Now Playing : Save Yourself performed by Stabbing Westward