Right then True Blood fans let the spoilers and snarking begin! For those of you new to the me for the True Blood season let me start with my normal disclaimer …. BLAH BLAH BLAH … my spoiler reviews are long, detailed and opinionated. I speculate, bitch and generally focus on the points that I want to. My favorite lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use) and sometimes I add in random musings just because!
So let me start by saying this week’s episode jumped all over the place making you REALLY have to pay attention to stay with what was going on. Now usually I try and “group” a bunch of split up parts together for smoother reading but I think that there will be less of that this week as the jumping back and forth really sort of added to the whole crazy feel. Yes that is my decision and we will see how that works. 😀 Oh yes and that means this is going to be looooong … so you might want to go get a drink before starting lol.
This week starts right where last week left off with Ben/Warlow in a compromising position over a half-naked Sookie who is threatening him with her light ball. OK even as I read that I was thinking “only in a True Blood review would that even make sense!” …. So yes Sookie is being all badass (although she lets him up so they are now wandering around the room – her still with her magic light ball – him looking a lot less concerned than he should) when Sookie lets out a tirade about how sick she is of vampires and them saying they love her when all they want to do is hurt her, drink her blood blah blah blah. In Ben/Warlow’s defense (I am really going to have to choose a name for him this 2 name thing is annoying ME already) …..He is a daywalker so I don’t think her blood is really a priority to him …. and I don’t actually think he wants to kill her. Of course if he was a sexier being then I would probably be even more on his side …. seriously?? Casting director?? What happened there? Did you decide we had enough man/vamp candy on the screen because let me assure you YOU WERE WRONG!!!!
And now we jump to Jessica and Bill (Yes right in the middle of the Sookie drama) and Jessica is distraught and sobbing having eaten all 4 of Andy’s fairy kids. Just as I was thinking … hmmmmmm Eric drank one fairy and got all drunk and happy …. Jessica drinks 4 and is sobbing and remorseful – what’s up with that …… the “High” part kicks in and she decides she needs to make a pass .. at BILL!! EWWWWWWW UGH really?? That was not a scene that EVER needed to be written. Gross, unnecessary, *shudders* just NO!!! Luckily Bill realizes she is high and pushes her away but that image is just still there for everyone to see. Jessica would definitely be the annoying drunk girl at a party …. but Bill goes into Daddy mode and says they will work it all out… after all he pretty much thinks he is a God now.
Back at Sookies Ben / Warlow reveals some interesting news. According to him he DIDN’T kill Sookie’s parents because he is some mean old vampire … he did it because her parents were going to KILL HER and HE saved her. Ummmmm WHAT???? Yes that is what he is claiming and the way he is acting you have to wonder if he is actually telling the truth. He certainly doesn’t seem to be in any kind of a hurry to kill her now. Sookie is not amused though and zaps him with her light…. which triggers Bill at his house to start having all sorts of flashback visions and then things just go crazy …..
Bill rushes over to Sookies and even Sookie points out that she thought she was dead to him …. but he is not there to save her, Oh no .. he is there to pick up Ben/Warlow … and …. AS HIS MAKER command him to come back with him. Ummmm WHAT???? And then I took 2 seconds to work it out and yes I suppose … in theory … if Bill is now Lillith incarnate and the Vampire bible made Warlow Lilith’s progeny then yes Bill would be able to order him around …. interesting ….. Oh and side note to Sookie … it is pretty hard to stand there looking intimidating in your underwear with a pretty light ball in your hand.
Opening credits roll (yes ALL that happened in less than 5 minutes before them) and we come back to Andy turning up at the Compton manor looking for his 4 girls. Awwww poor Andy 😦 I actually felt sorry for him …. and then I thought OH NO he is going to DIE … but he doesn’t…. well not in this episode anyway. He searches the room and finds his 4 girls laying there, all apparently dead. Jessica is hiding but probably not well enough if Andy hadn’t been distracted by one of his girls actually having managed to survive and hanging on to life by a thread. So he does what any good dad would do in Bon Temps, pick her up, take her to the Sheriff’s station and give her some V out of the evidence boxes to fix her right up. Well it works at least! As for the other 3 we are yet to see what is going to happen with them. They kinda skirt the whole issue of the bodies in the rest of the episode …. does Bill come back and get rid of them?? We know Andy doesn’t go back there as Holly talks him out of what would obviously be a suicide mission. Hmmmmmmm Apparently the story is going to be that 3 of them went off with their Fairy mama. Not really that convincing if you ask me …. but then again the town just watched the girls grow from babies to almost adults in less than a week … so I guess that would work.
Off to the vampires that I actually DO care about seeing .. well one of them anyway. Tara goes to find Eric (who apparently hasn’t moved since we saw him last week) and explains that Pam has been taken by the LAVTF (for those that missed it last week Louisiana Vampire Task Force) and she wants to know what they are going to do. And Eric’s grand plan is apparently turn themselves in and try a rescue from the inside out. I’M SORRY WHAT???? That has got to be the stupidest plan ever!! Did they not live through last season with the whole being locked down by the Authority. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe Eric thinks that because he got out of that he can get out of anything that humans will have come up with. Oh I KNOW this is a bad idea as I sit here yelling at the screen “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING” …… not that it makes any difference because Eric isn’t listening and so him AND Tara surrender and off to vampire camp they go. *sigh*
Talking of the “Vampire Camp” we get a brief glimpse as Pam is walked through it to see what they are up to … at least in some of the rooms. Scientists are pulling fangs, and watching vampires have sex. As Pam points – lots of scientific value in that. We see Eric and Tara being escorted through … hoods on …. and Eric says find Pam. Does he really think he is still in control?? Ugh MEN!!
And then we are off to the Governor’s mansion as he has to send his poor baby Willa to vampire camp. Now really? That’s not nice! But with Sarah egging him on it looks like there is no choice but if this is going to happen then he is going to be the one to take her. Much to Sarah’s dismay … she has on her sexy black lingerie and thinks this is the time to talk about having another baby. Yep she definitely has more than one screw loose although she did make me laugh. (She made my favorite lines list at the bottom of the page 😀 )
And so back to Bill and Ben/Warlow and all the craziness going on there. Bill is using the whole “As Your Maker” thing to basically stay alive but as he takes Ben/Warlow’s blood we get a bunch of flashbacks to when he was turned by Lilith. I saw again ….. Why couldn’t they have found someone sexier for this role. Especially as we get to see him naked and having sex with Lilith. Oh this could have been really sexy …. but wasn’t. Thus Ben / Warlow was created and we learn that he was actually Niall’s father and I am guessing that is why he spared that child alone in the village. Whilst this is all very relevent and necessary knowledge to be honest I would happily have skipped all of this for more time in Vampire camp. Bottom line … Billith controls Ben/Warlow and thinks he will be their salvation even though it turns out he was the one responsible for Lilith’s death (he fried her with the sun as she slept) and Ben/Warlow thinks all vampires should probably just die and he wants to go play with Sookie. OK Maybe not quite as simple as that .. but good enough.
Sarah decides after being left abandoned by Governor to take Willa to camp that the best person to go see is Jason. As Jason points out they didn’t exactly part on good terms but I guess Sarah is horny and wants to get laid and there is no one she likes better. And get laid she does. Finally some sex on the screen this season that doesn’t make me go Ewww!!! Now if we can just get some decent vampire Sex this season will get better still!!! Hot and steamy action aside Sarah is still a major bitch. As they lay recovering from their antics there is a knock at the door, well more like a frantic pounding, from Jessica who is still high on Fairy blood and doesn’t know what she wants to do other than tell someone how bad she is.
She is trying to have a philosophical debate about whether Bill could be God or the Devil and about Love …. but she is trying to do this with Jason …… and bless his heart he just has no idea what is going on. But he obviously cares about her …. and seems to have forgotten there is vampire hating bitch up in his bed and it isn’t too surprising to us when Sarah comes down to join the little party and as awkward as it could be with 2 people you have slept with in the same room, this tension is up about 1000 times higher. Poor Jason is stuck in the middle ….. literally … of these 2 crazy women, for a moment anyway until Jessica crosses the room to attack (or try to have sex with) Sarah … she is a little mixed up right now. Mixed up enough that Sarah quoting the bible at her is enough to make her stop?? hmmmmm OK let’s blame the fairy high for that one because that is ridiculous! But not as ridiculous as Sarah being able to rescind the invitation to Jason’s house … Ummmmm even Jason knows that’s NOT how it works and tells Sarah she can’t do that because it is HIS house … but the supernatural rules, for whatever reason, do not care and out the door Jessica goes, right into the arms of the waiting LAVTF that Sarah has called. Not good! So quick vampire count here we now have pretty much our full main vampire cast at the Vampire Camp ….. Pam, Eric, Nora (who we don’t see this week), Tara and Jessica. So I say let’s have a whole episode in there 😀 but sadly no …….
Well we knew it had to happen eventually and sure enough we have to deal with Alcide and his issues over finding Emma which apparently means he has to go hunting in a dive bar with his dad. This week continues with Alcide the asshole with his pack master fever and he even turns on his father when he tries to give him a little advice and tells him to leave and literally throws money at him to get him to clear off. Well whatever. For me this storyline is dumb and dull and I don’t know what the writer’s are thinking with his character but I was never a wolf fan to start with but by the end of this season he won’t have any fans left … well none with brains anyway.
As for where Sam is, well him, Nicole and Emma are still in the motel with Nicole having major regrets about the night before’s little action. She is so stupid she tries to go and make a phone call but Sam stops her causing a big fight outside where people can see. And who should see … but Alcide’s dad! I guess with the money that was supposed to get him home he decided to hire a hooker and go to a motel instead. Now the decision is going to be ….. does he go running to Alcide and try and win back favor … or does he just ignore it and start his life over. Because he is a wolf, and thus in my estimation stupid to start with, I am guessing he is going to go with the former. That and of course it will make things much easier for the writers to explain how Alcide the Asshole found them when all his leads are coming up dead lol
Keeping all the things I couldn’t care less about together, Terry has invited an old colleague “Justin” to Merlotte’s to “catch up”. Even Justin is not buying that is the reason and Terry soon admits that he actually wants to pay Jessie to kill him because of what he did to Patrick. Arlene comes over obviously realising something is up but can’t do much about it other than try to get Terry to come away which he says he will in just a couple minutes. After that Justin seems rather keen to help Terry out and agrees that he will do it for free. Obviously there is more history there than we are getting but I really couldn’t care less. This whole story line is just taking up valuable time that could be spent at the vampire camp! DULL DULL DULL. I used to really like Terry but at this point I don’t think I even care whether they follow through with this or not. *YAWN*.
Back at vampire camp we get to see what they get up to when they catch the vampires. They put them in a room with 3 other vampires and drop balls from the ceiling. Rules are easy (although not explained) …. 4 vamps 3 balls … catch a ball or get shot with something nasty …. doesn’t kill them as no goo piles. 3 vamps .. 2 balls … catch a ball or get shot…. Eric actually seems to be enjoying this, And why wouldn’t he? After all I am pretty sure that most 1000 year old vampires have gone into hiding with all this stuff going on. So you have the rules now and there are 2 vamps left….. so 1 ball right?? Wrong!! 2 doors open and there are guns behind them and well the poor vamp left standing with Eric didn’t stand a chance. He had his gun and had shot her before she could barely even get to hers. Shame. Well not really …. as much as I am pro vamps it was kinda fun to watch Eric being all superior and really treating it as a game. I really get the impression at this point he thinks he is so superior that nothing they do can phase him. Oh Eric … pride comes before disaster ….. yes I know that’s wrong but it’s my blog and that works for me!
With Eric champion in his little game we see him moved to “general population” with a blue suit with a number 1 on it. As he announced to the rest of the vamps in his area who he is and why he is there we see that all the vampires are wearing the same blue clothes with numbers between 1 and 4 on them. Fairies 1 – 4 …. Vampires 1 – 4 …. wonder if there will be some kind of easter egg with that. Probably not. More likely me over obsessing again …… anyway where was I … oh yes Eric acting like he owns the room and then being totally ignored by the other vampires. They must “feel” his power though because they all back away and leave him to his own space.
Meanwhile Pam (who is also a 1) is in a meeting with a psychiatrist called Finn played excellently by Pruitt Taylor Vince. Pam, as we all know is not a big fan of “sharing” and volunteers her services in the room where they are watching the vampires have sex but Finn is not having any of that. He manages to convinces her to share by bringing in a live donor (who by the end of it would probably be dead if Pam hadn’t decided she had had enough because Finn was definitely more interested in getting answers, and possibly watching a little girl on girl, rather than the donor making it through the process). Pam is brilliant in this scene making it quite clear what she thinks about humans and about pretty much everything in general. It was great to see more of the old Pam back, faltering only slightly when the subject of makers came up, but even then she was back in full sarcasm mode rather quickly, but not so quickly that Finn didn’t notice the reaction.
Jessica meets up with Tara in their part of the vampire camp (note they are both 3’s) and Jessica is still having her little breakdown as she comes down from her fairy high. She doesn;t even want the little cup of blood offered to her and gives it to Tara which almost sparks a fight with Tara stepping in front to guard her but some random “ranked 1” vamp steps up and puts a stop to it all. She then lets Tara and Jessica know she feels “owed”. Hmmmmm just like prison then but as to what role she will play is yet to be seen.
Willa arrives at camp and see’s Tara but isn’t allowed to be with her as she is “special” and doesn’t go into general population. She gets her own little room all locked away by herself. Special or not it doesn’t stop the pervy guard from making suggestive remarks and when Willa points out who her father is she is reminded, by said pervy guard, that her father put her in there. Hmmmm think on that Willa! Don’t worry though …. I have a feeling Eric will be a lot more annoyed when he finds out so revenge may yet be yours.
Back in Bon Temps Sookie has decided to take things into her own hands about the whole Ben/Warlow revelation and does what anyone would do …. go find a medium. Yay more Lafayette!! Love that he was totally unphased when she reveals that the creepy thing in her bathroom had turned out to be a vampire fairy hybrid who had escaped from another dimension. Where else are you going to get lines like that? Awesome!! So off they go to have a nice little séance at Sookie’s house to see what Sookie’s parents have to say about the whole them trying to kill her claims. Turns out, this was not such a good plan! Firstly they don’t want to come and talk, and then when they do things get even worse with a flashback to Sookie’s childhood where it is revealed that her dad did in fact try to kill her rather than her become a vampire fairy princess, and THEN he takes over Lafayette’s body and decides that he is going to carry out the drowning plan that he started back then and poor possessed Lafayette wrestles Sookie into the trunk of her car. Oh this is not good!!
Continuing with the bad ideas Jason has decided that he needs to rescue Jessica and to do that he needs to get into vampire camp and so he is off to join the LAVTF. He tries to call Sookie, who probably would have told him what a bad idea this was, but she is locked in the trunk of the car by the possessed Lafayette so isn’t answering. With no one to stop him sign up he does and of course with his history they are thrilled to get him. How many vampires have you killed Jason ….. he answers This week? Yep definitely their kind of asshole. Let’s hope for a Jason from the end of S2 ….. fellowship of the sun paintball style. That I could get behind lol.
With Sookie trapped in the trunk of the car we flash over to Bill’s where Ben/Warlow is having a little freak out and threatening the scientist. Now is this because he can sense Sookie is in danger? This isn’t specified but I am going to go with probably yes and that is how she will be saved. After all she is dead to Bill although maybe he will feel her danger and send Ben/Warlow … not quite got the exact details worked out but I am pretty sure that next week something related to this will result in Sookie getting saved…. after all they aren’t going to kill her off.
Now we might know that , but the possessed Lafayette has other ideas as he brings her to the lake and is about to drown her …. head shoves under the water she screams but can’t escape …. and we have to wait until next week to see if my theories are correct …..
More frightening than that is what is going on over at Vampire Camp … after all we all know Sookie isn’t going to get drowned. We get to see Sarah Newlin bringing the Governor in for a “surprise”. At first things seem a little weird because the surprise would appear to be Sarah’s gay ex husband Steve and the Governor is not amused. But then they bring Eric into a room on the other side of the glass and things become a little clearer. They have the vampire that turned his Willa and they are going to have some “fun” with him. Eric seems rather unbothered by this although is clearly not happy when he finds out that Willa is in the camp. Seriously what kind of father does that? But he is game to play along and tells them to bring him something to kill. After all, he is 1000 years old, not much in there that will stop him. Things turn nasty though because Steve has been providing intel …. Steve who by the way only rates a 4 in their system which I found hilarious….. he is soooooooooooo a 4 lol …… anyway the intel provided is just not good. Eric’s opponent is Pam. Oh this is not good!! Eric and Pam trapped in a room with 2 stakes and both of them just standing there. Sarah is unamused and wants them to just FIGHT but they just don’t move. Oh there will be no answers this week …..
Even worse we get to see trailers for next week and Eric is in the room and Pam asks him about him making another vampire and she looks MAD and then we see the Governor laughing and saying here we go … and then we see Eric looking through a hole in blood splattered glass and a stake shaped hole and he sees’ Steve and Steve looks scared!!! Oh no please tell me this is just being set up to look like he killed Pam …. he couldn’t …. Oh Eric don’t do it … PLEASE let this be an HBO trailer tease and a reveal of something totally different next week.
UGH WAITING SUCKS 😥
My Favorite Lines From “**** The Pain Away”
- Sarah – “When A Woman Comes To You In Black Lingerie … You Unwrap Her!”
- Jason – “I guess that’s good because Steven turned out to be a gay vampire”
- Jenny (Hooker at bar) – “I don’t see why a big male wolf like you can’t find no pussy in a pack he claims he runs but I sure like the looks of you so you won’t hear me complaining”
- Sarah – “I am NOT Steve Newlin’s ex-wife I am my OWN person!”
- Sarah – “My Body Is A Temple and you have DEFILED it with your vampire loving pecker!”
- Pam – “Your insignificance to me cannot be underestimated … you are food … nothing else!”
- Pam – “I like to think of myself as especially unremorseful”
- Sarah – “Haven’t You Seen Gladiator …. Fucking FIGHT!”