Right then True Blood fans let the spoilers and snarking begin! For those of you new to the me for the True Blood season let me start with my normal disclaimer …. BLAH BLAH BLAH … my spoiler reviews are long, detailed and opinionated. I speculate, bitch and generally focus on the points that I want to. My favorite lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use) and sometimes I add in random musings just because!
So this week starts with Jason being carried in by Ben and looking not too good at all. He is still definitely on my radar for “not going to survive this season”. As Ben lays him on the couch Sookie muses that they need vampire blood but with no vampires easily on hand for a change she goes to call an ambulance instead. But wait … it is vampire blood to the rescue and looks like Jason is going to be OK. So let’s do a quick head count as to who is in the house with Sookie …. we have ….. Sookie, Jason, Ben …. and Niall outside with Nora. So did Nora decide to help….. nope she is busy arguing with Niall about Warlow being the only one that can deal with Lilith because he is the progeny before deciding he just smells tooo good to eat causing her to get zapped off to the road to be promptly shot with those evil bullets and picked up by the LAVTF (Louisiana Vampire Task Force .. pay attention they are going to come up again) to be whisked off to the mystery detention camp.
OK then I know what you are thinking … Bill comes back to apologize and helps out? Wrong ……. it’s BEN to the rescue. Yes VAMPIRE BEN!! Well technically Vampire /Fairy hybrid Ben? I know I know damn rules keep on changing. Well I KNEW something was up with him but must confess I didn’t see this coming. And obviously he wants it kept hidden because when Sookie comes back and Jason is all healed they claim he must have not have been as bad as they thought .. Hmmmmmmmmmm
Ben “appears the hero” and he and Sookie have a little moment before he leaves because Niall is not happy that he helped Jason instead of playing capture the vamp. Bet he would be even MORE unhappy if he knew HOW Ben was helping!
After everyone leaves and we get treated to Jason doing pull ups on the door frame “Arrow Style” , Sookie starts to realize something is wrong and she goes down to where Jason had been on the couch and finds just a couple of drops of blood …. funky weird blood like from the fairy club ….. Ooooohhhhhh Wait WHAT? So Ben is Warlow? Huh? Oh now I’m confused and that is never a good thing. At this point I would normally question what the hell Alan Ball is thinking ….. but he isn’t around now so I will have to just say congratulations on continuing the ONE thing from Alan Ball we wanted to lose!!! BLAH!!!!!
But Wait …. we all know what vamp blood means … sexy dreams!!!! And this is no exception. We get a very weird Ben / Jason type dream involving shaving and lots of innuendo and sexy music. Enough that my husband was cringing and saying NOT JASON!!! lol.
Over at the werewolf pack (yes I couldn’t care less either but I have to assume at some point something here will be relevent and believe it or not there are actually Alcide fans out there) … Alcide is being a total ass about everything. This PackMaster crap has really gone to his head. Not only did they kill off the rest of those Supe fans last week but now they want to hunt down the one with the crazy hair (Nicole) that got away (helped by Sam … still say he should have left her). Add to this they discover that Sam managed to get Emma and it becomes full scale “get your hunt on”. Yawn!! Wolves are so boring!
In the meantime Sam is taking Emma through the woods trying to get as far ahead of them as they can and being totally slowed down by Nicole. My husband bought up a great point .. why didn’t Sam just shift into a horse and carry them? Which amused the hell out of me until Lafayette was suddenly right there with the car (and as unamused about having saved Nicole as I was) and they all get in and drive off.
Ginger is busy doing her best impersonation of “Eric will be right with you” on the phone with Governor Burrell and then as the place gets stormed Ginger does what she does best and SCREAM!!! She does stop to remember that she is glamoured and meant to tell the Governor that Eric will be right with him because the knots are hard. Oh Ginger is so messed up. Even the Governor can see she has been glamoured way more times than she should (remember Season 1 ….. how many glamours ago was that and Pam and Eric were almost worried about her) and he thinks they will have “fun” with her at the camp. Wanna bet that it isn’t our idea of fun??
Eric and Pam are of course looking for Tara who took off with Willa without permission. Did Tara forget all the vamp powers so it didn’t work out too well as Pam just summoned her. When Tara doesn’t want to tell them where she took Willa Pam is about to use the trusty “As Your Maker” command but Tara starts screaming. Well enough with that already! So Eric slams her to the ground and gets the info the old fashioned way. Have I mentioned that I am loving this seasons Eric? With Willa’s location eric takes off to deal with her leaving Pam irritated that he was mean to Tara. Wish they would sort the whole Pam / Eric dynamic out. This is the one thing that really isn’t working for me *sigh*.
Back at the Bellefleur house the fairy girls 1,2,3 and 4 still don’t have names and are now reminding Terry of the little thing he really wants to forget. That he killed Patrick. PLEASE do not let this be a lead up to Terry going off the rails … again …… dull dull dull ….. but I can’t really see why else this is going to keep popping up. Someone find a vamp to glamour him already!! PLEASE!! Anyway fairy girls are sent to bed and there is a cute moment with Andy telling him he is glad he is their dad (awwwwwwww) … but then he shuts the door, the lights go off, and suddenly they are 18!!! UGH!! I have to say the whole scene was hilarious with the girls comparing boobs and then deciding they need to sneak out and party and the ONLY access to clothes they have is Arlene’s closet!!! TOO FUNNY!!! But seriously they make so much noise, and Andy is supposed to be a cop, on alert, AND a new dad, and NOONE notices as they leave … WITH the Sheriff’s car? That they just somehow know how to drive? Oh well … let the fun and games begin. We all know that they are going to get captured by Bill for his crazy experiments …. and they do.
Actually Jessica convinces Bill to let her “abduct” them from the liquor store (nice to see they have the original clerk there .. I got a kick out of that!) ….. and she does a good job convincing them to come party with her … even though she smells funny cos she’s dead. Oh we know this won’t end well.
So they get back to Bill’s and one of the little fairy girls hits on Bill .. ewwwwwww yes it’s gross. Bill is more interested in his little history toy that they use when they don’t want to bite people. Really? Who came up with that? It just draws blood and stores it in little vials after being strapped on their wrist. Honestly, it just seemed kinda stupid. And to think that these girls would be hitting on Bill? RIDICULOUS!! Once Bill has the blood he takes it to his captured scientist down in the lab and tells him he needs to replicate the fairy blood. Hmmmmm Failure is not an option!! Should probably have sounded threatening … to me it just sounded funny!!! But it worked and science guy goes off to work.
And it is on to my favorite part of this week’s episode. Now I am sure that there are going to be a LOT of fans out there that hated it but I DON’T CARE!!! Eric gets to where Willa is and finds that she was waiting for him. Apparently Tara is so stupid she didn’t even glamour her to stay put *sigh* (Tara is SO annoying). Eric and Willa have a flirty little conversation and Eric is just so charming. Oh how could anyone resist ….. actually why would anyone WANT to resist lol…. and he carries her off in her flowing white dress (how symbolic) and digs their grave and they jump in. The music plays, and Eric takes off his shirt and lays down with her *sigh*. She is scared and excited and he just looks at her and says Death is not the end……. is it going to hurt ….. not the way I do it … and fangs come down. Oh HELL yes!! Now THIS is the True Blood I like to watch. YAY for vampire Eric!!! 😀 All of you that are out there bitching can just keep it to yourself. My FAV scene of the season SO FAR!! BY FAR!!! Anyway where was I …. got distracted there for a bit … got to love the rewind option 😉 …… soooooo fangs down and he leans in for the bite … .although half of the blood in typical true blood feeding style runs everywhere (They should take a couple of lessons from Claudia .. not a drop spilled – FIRST FEEDING …. just saying …) ….. And as Willa lays there dying .. blood running into the ground ….. Eric lets her know that everything her father put in her is now leaving and it is going to be replaced by a millennium of wisdom, honor, and life. Hmmmmm I always said I wanted Pam as my maker …. I may have changed my mind …..
Then in typical true blood fashion it is daytime and we are with Nicole, Alcide and Emma and Lala. Nicole plans on limping away with her nasty bite on her leg but Sam convinces her that that would basically just kill her. Same sends Lafayette away in the car after thanking him for his help and then I had to laugh because Sam turns into a horse!!! TOO FUNNY!!! I actually had to slap my husband at this point because of his earlier comment because seriously how hilarious is that!!!! Awesome!!!!! A short time later Alcide and his pack of crazy turn up and are irritated they haven’t caught them yet. Alcide goes all packmaster crazy with his orders and decides just 2 of them will track Sam and the others can go back. Oh Why are pack politics so boring? And why is Alcide still being such an asshole. You know the V has had to have worn off by now! Guess we can call that packmaster Fever? Hmmm on second thought who cares ….. Oh Later we get to see Sam and Nicole in a hotel room and they are obviously going to get it on. Which is just stupid! They were just talking about Luna dying in his arms and he turns to another. UGH .. enough with the damn shifters and crap!! so I just threw this in with this bit because they are all boring me. Show me the vamps!!!
All over town daytime plans are continuing. Sookie knows something is up with Ben so does the obvious thing and goes and invites him for dinner. Actually she does have a plan …. and not just the whole Slutty Sookie thing which she does bring back into play …. Slutty Sookie is not so much fun this season though I have to say ….. but hey it could be worse … she could be going after Alcide! Jason has a little heart to heart with Niall and Niall “sees” his sexy dream with Ben and works out that everything is wrong so they decide to go after him (without Sookie knowing of course. There can be no kind of useful communication in this show ever … I think it’s a rule when then write the scripts!)
Andy has finally realised that the kids are missing and puts out a crazy APB for 4 caucasian females between 4 and 7 feet tall, between 60 and 260lbs and between the ages of 10 and 50. Poor Andy …. how would you be able to describe the kids that change that fast? Terry tries to rationalize that they are just out having fun but as Andy says it isn’t really safe out there right now and well things aren’t going to get better any time soon.
As Sookie shops (and leaves messages telling Jason to keep himself and Niall OUT for the evening), Jason and Niall decide to go hunt down Warlow / Ben / whatever he is. They find him .. about to take a shower ….. and they go in with Jason armed with a Shot Gun and Niall with his Light Ball. Sadly Ben is ready for them and he glamours Jason while he makes it clear he is about to do away with Niall. Poor Jason 😦 He has been mind messed with almost as much as Ginger. That can’t be good for him. So Jason leaves (with no memory of what is going on) and Ben starts draining Niall (A mouthful at a time and spitting it out … not quite sure what is up with that). On a side note can I add I really wish they had chosen someone more charismatic to play this Ben / Warlow character. He just isn’t working for me at all!!! Just fry him already! Anyway he takes Niall off to the bridge, not dead, and throws him through the weird portal that keeps appearing there. Very strange! Is Niall gone for good? Did they do a Roman and bring him in just to get rid of a big name so fast? Something tells me no … but we will see.
Night falls and Bill is working with his little scientist friend to try and sort out the fairy blood but of course it isn’t that easy. When Mr Scientist realises that there are other prisoners (ie the fairies) upstairs he says he won’t help which results in Bill floating him around the ceiling until he agrees. Silly scientist doesn’t seemed to have worked out quite how much trouble he is in. Probably still thinking about Jessica in last week’s school girl outfit lol. Sadly for Bill, upstairs the fairies had decided they had had enough and wanted to leave and got way too close to Jessica when she tried to stop them and so she ate them all. Yep she ate 4 fairies …. but instead of being high she is crying and sobbing and sorry in a corner hoping they aren’t dead. Hmmmmmmm that isn’t right. Eric is 1000 years old and drains one fairy and is drunk as a skunk and hilarious ….. Jessica, still basically a baby vamp drinks 4 and is just sad? Hope they plan on explaining THAT next week!!
Andy finally tracks down his cop car and goes to the liquor store where the girls met up with Jessica and Jason realises that the clerk was glamoured and Andy suddenly realises his little vamp daughters are in danger. But he may be too late …… Did they actually bring them in just to kill them off?? Guess we will see next week ……
With night falling of course Willa has risen and Eric, being the awesome maker that he is has a fresh person on hand to pay to feed her. Like take out :D. Love the symbolism of the pure white dress now bloody and filthy as she wanders around with her new vampires senses although she is rather crude when she asks if they are going to fuck and hunt. Eric luckily has other plans. He is sending her back to her father so he can see that vampires are not monsters and that they were once human. He explains over her protests that she is only the second vampire he has made in over 1000 years and he did not choose this likely but when reasoning fails he just uses the whole “As Your Maker I command You” trick and off she goes. I do love that!!
Talking of Eric’s children, his other child Pam is trying to deal with Tara who is being a pain in the ass as usual and her bitching ends up getting Pam caught by the LAVTF. UGH I HATE Tara!! And I am irritated with Pam because she keeps letting Tara influence her. I want the old Pam and Eric back!!!!!! Anyway now the LAVTF have Steve, Pam, and Nora that we know of. Oh this isn’t good.
Their leader, Governor Burrell is at his home with Sarah Newlin and apparently he is “With” Sarah. YUCK!! Did not need that image thank you oh so much HBO! Well Sarah is about to talk to the Governor about something very important when they are interrupted by guards who have the new vampire Willa with them. The Governor sends the guards out … yes not too smart… and Willa tries to explain that it is still her. Sadly this all kinda goes to hell when she smells the wound on his hand and goes right for his throat but Sarah shoots her before she can do any real damage and says she needs to get sent off to camp. Hmmmmm now I wonder was this Eric’s plan? She is after all a newborn? Or did he think with his blood in her and a good feeding that she would be able to control herself? Perhaps his plan is to get her into the camp so he can track her and find where it is? Guess we will have to wait and see.
Sookie is all ready for her date with Ben / Warlow who is late …. and who has had his food laced with silver. Good plan Sookie but apparently either you gave him the wrong plate or you can add dealing with silver to his walk in the sun abilities. Isn’t it great when they can just make up rules as they go along? Maybe they read the last book after all lol. Sookie is babbling on about Bill, and liars, and what Ben really wants and for a moment I almost thought she believed that Ben was wanting to be with her ….. especially when she started taking her clothes off. But apparently slutty Sookie is not as stupid as we all thought and she traps him on the couch with her sparkly light ball that she has been practicing and the final words … Get off Me Or Die Warlow!!!!
And now we wait!!! UGH!!! And Waiting SUCKS!!!! This season is definitely my favorite for a long time and I want it to be Sunday NOW!!!!
My Favorite Lines From “ At Last”
- Arlene – “Uncle Terry has a very active imagination and it is rude to snoop around in it”
- Andy – “It’s time for bed … you ain’t slept since you were 3”
- Bill – “Failure Is Not An Option”
- Eric – “So Much Courage, So Little Experience”
- Eric – “Death Is Not The End”
- Jason – “Even though you’re a fairy …. you’re kind of a straight fairy right?”