Right then True Blood fans let the spoilers and snarking begin! For those of you new to the me for the True Blood season let me start with my normal disclaimer …. BLAH BLAH BLAH … my spoiler reviews are long, detailed and opinionated. I speculate, bitch and generally focus on the points that I want to. My favorite lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use) and sometimes I add in random musings just because!
Let me start by saying after last week’s epic episode I was hoping for a little more. This week for me had too much “other” stuff and not enough vampire content for me … but here we go ….
This week starts with the possessed Lafayette still trying to drown Sookie and he almost succeeds but Bill can feel she is in trouble and despite his whole “you are dead to me” speech he sends Warlow/Ben out into the day to rescue her. No real surprise there although Lafayette does survive (after last week I thought the “death that will rock Bon Temps” may have been him with all this going on) but Sookie recovers enough to tell Warlow/Ben not to kill him but to blast him with Fairy Light to dislodge the spirit. Amazingly this works (I guess this season Fairy light is the equivalent of Duct Tape) and Sookie tells the spirit of her dad to go and never return. He fades off into the trees presumable never to be seen again, well either that or until they come up with some reason he needs to come back. There was no hoodoo magic to make him stay gone so who knows (and to be honest who cares …. it was an interesting twist but this week I am over it).
Now to the part I have been waiting for ALL Week!! Pam and Eric trapped in the little display room, armed with stakes, supposed to fight each other. Now as they circle each other like caged beasts (much to the amusement of the stupid Governor) a few little snide comments are made back and forth before they float up Matrix Style, poised and ready to fight. UGH I am on the edge of my seat at this point just needing to know what is going to happen …. you can cut the tension with a knife!!!! Then with the slightest nod of his head Eric and Pam fly towards each other, and past each other up to the windows where the armed guards are and stake them!! Oh it was brilliant!!! then they drag the bodies down to the room and one of the guards is staked literally right through the window leaving this little stake sizes hole, surrounded in blood, for Eric to look through with one eye and say … “I see you Steve Newlin!!”. Oh this was the best scene of this episode. Sadly more guards come in to escort the dynamic duo off but oh it was amazing! Shame it was so near the beginning …. yes readers it is sadly all down hill from here … but there is information that we will need for next week so stay with me and I will keep you as entertained as I can.
Lafayette, Sookie and Warlow/Ben are having a little heart to heart about how messed up it is that this vampire can be out in the sun when Billith decides to “Call” Warlow/Ben back to the house. Well we all know how well that went for Jessica and soon enough Warlow/Ben is coughing up blood and generally looking unwell but it is Sookie to the rescue. Instead of submitting to Billith’s demands she grabs Warlow/Ben’s hands and transports him off to Fairy World. Ummmm SAY WHAT???? Yes apparently she can zap herself there whenever it suits her. Hmmm not sure that was in fact the case. Wonder how long she will be there this year? After all last time a few minutes there turned out to be a year.
When Bill realizes that he can no longer feel Warlow/Ben he goes off to talk to Jessica who of course is not in her room because she is at “Vamp Camp” but Billith hasn’t realized that yet so rushes up to her room to find out how close he came to killing her when he called her to him at the beginning. When he realizes she is gone he fears the worst and that what he saw in his vision was starting. Of course Bill wants to talk to Lilith but she is not being very forthcoming so he decides he needs to be in a coma. So he has the still kidnapped scientist drain him to the point of death (by glamouring him with instructions to remove all his blood to the point of the True Death then return it to him 24 hours later) and off Bill goes to dream land to see Lilith (escorted by the 3 pointless naked, blood covered, Lilith wannabees). Face to face with Lilith Bill in unamused by all the non answers Lilith gives and tries to blame Lilith for everything but as she points out …. he was the one that wanted this and now he can deal with it and she disappears telling him basically the time to act is now but he is on his own to do it! And act he does …. but more on that later!
Jason, meanwhile, is over at the LAVT (Louisiana Vampire Task Force) sign up center so that he can rescue Jessica from said “Vamp Camp”. His interview is GREAT!! Jason is definitely back to being more like the Jason from earlier seasons that we adored and comes up with my favorite new word for decapitation – beheadenism!! It is a great way to kill vamps. Obviously with the tales he can tell and the experience he has the LAVT can’t wait to sign him up and fast track him through to main camp. Well done Jason your plan seems to be working …. until once there he get’s introduced to Sarah Newlin. Uh oh …. slight hiccup there but Jason plays it cool and pretends they have never met. Sarah orders everyone to clear the room so she can spend a couple of minutes alone with the new recruit but where she plans to make him leave Jason points out that if she says one word he will tell EVERYTHING he knows about her and what a “Whore for Christ” she is. Well that doesn’t go down too well but she keeps her mouth shut. Oh yes Sarah Newlin is way too smart for that. Instead she waits for her opportunity and has Jason come to one of the observation rooms to watch a “copulation study”. Once Jason understands what copulation is he thinks that doesn’t sound too bad apart from the fact there is only one guy vamp standing in the room……until Sarah has them bring out Jessica. Oh Sarah you really are a bitch. James (who would have made a lovely Ben/Warlow … hope we see him again ……) won’t do it though as he says he isn’t into rape and Jessica is not willing. Despite getting hit several times with a nasty UV blaster ray he holds his ground and it is Jessica who eventually tries to tell him it will be OK and they should just get it over with. But James won’t do it but even after they blast him again and again they realize he won’t do it so have Jessica taken away.
So to the shifters and the wolves … yawn yawn yawn. I really don’t know what is worse at this point .. the whining Sam storyline with that stupid Nicole tagging along or the Alcide the Asshole pack-master story with him needing someone to smack some reality sense back into him. Well luckily for me they are all tied up this week and can be summed up easily. Alcide’s dad did decide to tell him where Sam and Co. were (in between playing with the shifter hooker he picked up from the bar who spends all her time walking around naked and apparently eating chicken). When Alcide arrives he decides he is unamused by the naked hooker who tells him he is a wolf and to get over it. Anyway enough of that ….. Alcide goes to the room where Sam had been but they had gone. Turns out Sam had called Martha and was handing Emma over to her on condition that she leaves the pack forever. With Alcide the asshole as packmaster Martha agrees and her and Emma take off only moments before Alcide catches up with them and threatens Sam and Nicole. Yawn Yawn Yawn. Sam asks what happened to them being friends and Alcide basically backs down and tells Sam to go but he is officially “dead” so not to go back to Bon Temps, Shreveport, anywhere he can be recognized. Yes well we know that isn’t going to happen. So that was a whole waste of screen time if you ask me. I expect next week Sam will head on back to the bar (especially when you read what happens later).
Other random info from this episode that doesn’t really fit in with anything else … Andy finally gives number 4 a name. Actually 4 names so that she can remember her sisters. Adeline, Braylin, Charlaine, Dannika. A B C D, 1 2 3 4 ….. definitely a recurring thing this season.
Back in Fairy Land Warlow/Ben is worried about the approaching night (even though it is blazing daylight there) as he can feel it approaching back where they came from. So time difference not an issue now? *rolls eyes* More rule changes. OK So they are there and Warlow/Ben is going to need to feed but instead he tells Sookie to tie him to the tree with some vines. Oh yes a 5000 year old vampire tied to a tree with vines. That should work …. or wait …. remember the Duct Tape fairy light power ….. Sookie is going to use that to bind the vines so everything will be OK. Wonder when she got this 101 things you can use Fairy Light for manual. It sure is coming in handy! With Warlow/Ben all tied to the tree we get to hear more about the history, which is a lot of repeated dull stuff we already know, we learn that if Sookie and Warlow/Ben are together they can just feed off each other for eternity …. as long as Sookie becomes a vampire fae like him. Hmmmmmmmm that is all rather stupid and convenient. But hey not my writing. At least if she did that she could still sunbathe (which seems to be her main objection to the whole vampire thing).
Back in Bon Temps remember the whole Terry issue from last week? Well Terry turns up on Lafayette’s doorstep to give him a key to his safety deposit box and is acting very strange. Lafayette realizes something is really wrong and calls Arlene who quickly puts 2 and 2 together and actually manages to make 4. She knows what Terry is up to and plans to put a stop to it but doesn’t know how. Holly actually provides the solution by having a vampire that she is friends with come and glamour Terry into forgetting everything that is wrong in his life. Which is a great plan, but as he forgets the marines and all the bad things he also forgets that he asked someone to kill him when he was not expecting it. Now my husband Greg came up with a GREAT situation that would have made even Alan Ball dance with glee, but sadly HBO didn’t go that route, but it was brilliant so I am going to share it anyway. He thought it would be a real twist if when the guy was going to shoot Terry, Arlene got in the way and SHE ended up getting shot instead! And no one would have any idea why. Now THAT would have been a story. Instead we get Terry at work all ridiculously happy and loving life the next day, he takes the garbage out and BANG shot through the neck. Now for a top sniper you would have thought he could have at least gone for a decent head shot and it be done with. Instead we get time for him to be alive long enough for people to come out and for him to die in Arlene’s arms with her singing him a lullaby. Quite touching I suppose but honestly as I sad last week I am kinda over the whole Terry story and if this is the loss that shocks Bon Temps … well I can live with that!
Back at Vamp Camp things are starting to get interesting although not enough time was spent there this week. The Governor is really unhappy about the results of the little “Stake Experiment” and so he has other plans to torture Eric (who is shackles in a cage but still looks intimidating). They bring in Nora, strapped to a gurney because stupid Steve Newlin has told the governor all about her too. They they inject her with Hep V …. a very very concentrated form of Hep D (yes someone on the script writing team has actually watched the whole show from the beginning) and she is going to be patient zero. Oh this isn’t good. He wheels Nora right in front of Eric so Eric can watch her die but then as with all great villainous plots he then LEAVES and goes to see Willa who demands to be put in general population. Yes there is a link there ….. While Willa is talking to Tara Eric “Calls” her and Tara recognizes the signs and help her devise a plan to get to Eric. The plan actually works and it is Willa to the rescue even managing to keep the lab coat clean for Nora to wear before ripping the arm off the doctor which works to open the doors. Hilarious!
Remember the more on Bill acting later? Well once he is revived by his scientist pet he sees the news on TV where they are explaining how Governor Burrell has partnered up and will be helping Tru Blood get back on the shelves …… AND at a discounted rate to help the vampire population get back on track and things get back to normal. Hmmm yes something definitely wrong there! Bill then locks said pet in a cage and drinks the remainder of the Warlow/Ben Blood sample and then glows … and now he can walk in the sun. He walks right out into the daylight and zips off to the Governor. And now the bit that almost hurts to type …. Bill’s actions are actually funny and rather awesome. He walks right into the compound with armed guards everywhere and he shows them his fangs, which totally freaks them out because the sun is shining. So they start firing and Bill just walks on through those wooden bullets, as we know they don’t bother him right now, laughing at the pathetic humans and when he has enough all the guards stop, guns still shakily raised, Bill has them all point the guns at each other …. and says FIRE and all the guards drop down dead in a little circle. UGH sadly it really was a great scene to watch. Even better he then goes right up to the Governor and has a very brief chat before sinking his fangs into his neck … and then RIPPING HIS HEAD RIGHT OFF and placing it on a nearby statue base. In the words of Russell himself .. FANGTASTIC!!!! (Oh that really hurt to say about a Bill scene ……..guess the truth really does hurt lol)
Inside it is all systems go with Eric dressed as a guard (complete with chipped arm to open the doors) with “Doctor” Nora escorting prisoner Willa around the compound to find Pam and then Willa adds that she wants to find Tara and Jessica too which Eric doesn’t seem to care about but he does agree. Nora is fading fast as they go from door to door but what they find behind one door suddenly explains why the Governor is keen to start supplying Tru Blood again. Each bottle is going to come complete with a nice dose of Hep V. It will be a disaster. Eric maintains his composure but gives a resounding “Fuck me” as he leaves the room. Yes this is bad for the vampires on a grand scale.
And so we reach the end and to finish this week we get some naked slutty Sookie (who we learn has the nickname “Danger Whore”. I will stick with Slutty Sookie) and Warlow/Ben action. Yes he is still tied to a tree but after re-enforcing the vines with some more fairy light she leans over so he can feed …. and then she returns the favor. Ummmmm WHAT??? Yes she takes a nice bite out of his neck and drinks to (presumably) heal her neck wound (we see it heal) and gather some strength for the sex they are about to have. Honestly I could have done without this. It was not really sexy, although credit where it is due for just having had twins Anna’s body looks great!!! I was going to say the scene was rather lack luster but then as it ended with them glowing, literally, as they go at it I guess lack luster probably wasn’t the best term. We end with the glowing expanding out from them and getting brighter …….
And then the credits roll. Will this light experiment zap them back to reality? Who knows. Stranger things have happened on this show. The previews for next week look amazing, with Eric begging Billith to save Nora …. but then the trailers for this week fooled me too. One this is for sure …. Waiting Sucks … and with only 4 episodes I hate that we are almost at the end already *sigh*. At least we know there is a Season 7 to look forward to 😀
My Favorite Lines From “Don’t You Feel Me”
- Lafayette – “Let me get this hetro-staight”
- Jason – “Beheadenism”
- Jennie – “Come on we’re werewolves … butch the fuck up!”
- Terry – “There’s No “The Fuck” “
- Eric – “Are You Mad That I Turned Your Daughter Into My Daughter”
- Willa – “Wow I’m Dead And You Are STILL Being Overprotective”
- Eric – “Well Done Baby Vampire”