Right then True Blood fans let the spoilers and snarking begin! For those of you new to the me for the True Blood season let me start with my normal disclaimer …. BLAH BLAH BLAH … my spoiler reviews are long, detailed and opinionated. I speculate, bitch and generally focus on the points that I want to. My favorite lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use) and sometimes I add in random musings just because!
So here we are! It feels this season barely started and yet this is finale week. And what a finale episode it was … and I DON’T mean that in a good way. Actually fans of the show must have been asking themselves if “that was it???”. Where was the carnage, the death count, the shocking cliffhangers? Where was the feeling that an hour couldn’t have passed already because we still had so much left to watch ……. Nope there will be none of that. Instead you will be treated to a kind of confused first forty minutes sort of wrapping up a couple of things and making you roll your eyes …… one moment that I am sure many fans gasped at (I barely raised an eyebrow) and then the remaining time with a 6 month time jump to the future, a TON of WTF questions …. and a real desire for me to throw myself down on my knees and beg Alan Ball to come back because all is forgiven…… Well maybe not … but it was close.
OK on with the show. We start this week with Sookie watched the dirt be thrown onto Terry’s now buried body and Alcide coming up to her to ask if she needs a ride. Hmmmmmm Alcide in a NASTY looking wig I might add …. remember Eric in S1 .. yes THAT bad. Now wait I don’t remember that from last week …. I mean I KNOW I don’t pay much attention to Alcide when he is on the screen but I am pretty sure that monstrosity would not have escaped comment. Well anyway they are all flirty and off they go “for a walk” and a little chat about how Jason will be OK because he is a survivor and he will show up. Ugh Sookie and Alcide .. really?? That should have ended with her throwing up all over him in Season 4!!! Luckily before we can dwell too much on that all the day walking, high as a kite vampires come dancing through the graveyard heading to Bill’s house. This apparently means they all have to throw their clothes off and have sex wherever they can. Pointless True Blood style nudity as boring as most of the things have been this season. As Sookie spots Jason (with his new BFF Violet she heads over to see what is going on even though Alcide tells her it isn’t a good idea. Hmmmmmm It’s OK Alcide …. the scriptwriters seem to have forgotten how great Sookie smells to vamps this season so she should be safe.
Roll the opening credits and we come back to some 20’s music (complete with dancing vampires) when someone has the great idea that they should do a TARGET run for croquet and volleyball. Jason in the meantime is getting well and truly feasted on by Violet and has decided that he does want to have sex with her now but oh she is not going to make it that easy for him. Instead she gives him her blood. Oh yes that is the same *rolls eyes*. Sookie appears and after a minor freak out from the over jealous Violet, Jason explains that Sookie is his sister so Violet promptly kisses her. Hmmmmm OK. Violet leaves them to talk and Jason spills how he thinks he feels for Violet the way Sookie felt for Bill ……. slight turn around there Jason. Sookie is in her anti vamp mode though and basically tells Jason to watch his back. Their little meeting is interrupted by a hug from Pam who, obviously still high, tells Sookie she is actually glad to see her .. Tara joins in, and admits that she is high but with the magical blood thinks she will never be able to hate Bill again. I am with Sookie on this on …. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!
Sookie heads back to the Fairy plane where Warlow has been busy getting ready for Sookie’s wedding / turning / whatever ceremony, which apparently involves a maypole and some fancy light work to create 2 rings from 1. Hmmmm OK well I guess it is a fairy thing but it doesn’t matter because Sookie is now having second thoughts. Of course she is. Everyone is saved now! Sadly for her Warlow is over 5000 years old and it not impressed with her not wanting to keep her word. No problem just give her a quick back-handed smack, tie her to a tree and hold her prisoner. Yep that will change her mind *rolls eyes … MEN*.
Over in the “real world” … can we still call it that when the vampires are daywalking and in this case playing volleyball?…. Very Twilight!!! Well here we are and Violet is not enjoying the chemistry between Jason and Jessica and makes her presence known during a volleyball game by slamming the ball hard enough to knock her to the ground. Towards the woods Pam is watching but Tara can see something is wrong. She heads over and Pam tells her that her buzz has worn off and she is off to look for Eric….. with a parting remark to take care of Willa she too takes off up into the sky. Well at least at this point we know Eric is still alive because Willa hasn’t felt his demise. Bill is another one being mopey but without good reason. He is sad because all his Billith Mojo is gone and he is back to regular, boring Bill Compton. That’s OK Bill ….. you didn’t do half as much fun stuff with all that power as you could have so this is what you get! Jessica comes in to console him and makes him realize that he needs to go save Sookie from the deal he basically forced her into. *Yawn* …. on the plus side maybe Warlow will be so mad he kills Bill. We can hope!!!
Bill decides he is actually going to listen and goes to Jason so he can work out what they can do. Bill has worked out that the only way to get there will be to ask Adelyn to help get them there, Oh yes Andy is going to want to see them …. and so it is decided Jason and Violet will go there while Bill releases his pet scientist complete with a full glamouring and a huge bag full of money. NICE!!! Jason and Violet arrive at Andy’s house and when Andy realizes that Violet is a vampire he freaks a little bit and tries to get Adelyn upstairs but Adelyn hears that they are trying to save Sookie and she wants to help. After all she is the only one that is anything like her. With a bit of convincing from Adelyn, Andy is not happy but he agrees and him and Jason load up with all the fun anti vamp stuff they can find. Guess Jason raided the LVTF before he left lol.
On the Fairy plane Warlow, with Sookie tied to the tree, (after all can’t have Sookie going through with her threat to throw all her light away … then she won’t be special) is trying to convince her that what he is doing is right. Now you may wonder what the hell he is waiting for but it turns out that it needs to be night on the regular plane for him to do the whole turning part of the process. Well that is lucky for Sookie because the cavalry is on the way. Sadly the cavalry can’t quite work out how to get there ….. after all Adelyn is only 2 weeks old and not too good with the whole light power thing …. but when Violet hears that fear seems to be a good motivator for fairies she has it covered and POOF Jason, Andy, Adelyn, Jessica and Bill are now all in Fairy land just as Sookie is about to be drained.
Bill tackles Warlow as Violet frees Sookie and hands her to Jason, looking very pleased with herself I might add. They are all ready to go but Bill is still fighting with Warlow. Bill insists that they leave and PRAISE CAIN they actually do!!! Oh could this be the big death? Is Bill going to die??? PLEASE LET THIS BE IT!!!! ……. Nope! Instead Warlow decides to follow them back and Bill hitches a ride by clinging to his ankle as he pops out of there *sigh*
On the regular plane they motley crew have all headed back to Sookie’s house and they hide Adelyn in Eric’s old Cubby while Violet heals Sookie upstairs using her blood and Andy stands guard out front. So I know what you are thinking … here we go!!! Here comes the carnage, the drama, all the great things that True Blood finale’s are known for. But you would be wrong. Warlow just seems to be content with knocking everyone around with his “light” and they throwing them down into the cubby (the location of which he got from glamouring Jason) and then heads up to get Sookie …. who is hiding in the bathroom!! Bill tries to make a last-ditch effort but now he isn’t Billith he can’t get in through the door .. HA!!! Awesome!!! Back to Sookie and her perfect horror movie cliché *rolls eyes* of hiding in the bathroom and I would like to think that Sookie remembered that there was another portal in there but sadly I think that was more luck than judgement but as Warlow comes to get her Niall appears (remember him) through a crack in the weird bathroom portal (seriously I don’t think I would ever take a shower again) and grabs him. But it isn’t enough …. luckily though Adelyn has magic light and has freed everyone from the Cubby so Jason comes to the rescue!! YAY Go Jason!! And Warlow is staked which apparently WILL kill him and he is dead because he falls to a pile of goo that becomes red glitter on the bathroom floor and we get to see all the “light” come out of all the vampires that have drunk his blood.
And now the … not so shocker ….. we see Eric sunbathing nude in Sweden reading a book, up a mountain, in the middle of nowhere, when the magic blood leaves his body. We see his skin turn red and he catches on fire and falls to his knees screaming. Oh I am sure there were Eric fans everywhere that were screaming at their TV at this point but not me. If this is the end, and I sincerely hope it isn’t, it lacked ALL the drama that these amazing moments have. Godric, Nora, even Pam getting released, these moments grabbed my heart and squeezed it in an unrelenting vise like grip. This just had me saying UGH! Perhaps they thought this was going to be the last season and this would have been a great did he make it ending if it had ended there I suppose (personally last week with him flying up into the sun would have been better for me but anyway) …… but here are my reasons why I think Eric is still alive. Firstly … no goo!! Rule number 1 is without goo a vamp is still viable…. after Bill last season even THAT isn’t always a guarantee. Secondly Pam went off to find him. We don’t see her for the rest of the episode, even in the 6 months later skip ahead (during which there is no mention made by Tara or Willa or ANYONE of Eric or Pam). Thirdly …. if all else fails he could bury himself in the snow. Any vampire chronicles reader knows that self preservation kicks in above all other instincts when a vampire can’t think straight and thus he would bury himself in the snow until night. I could go on but you get my drift. If this was the shocker consider me unshocked. Seriously the Jessica fake killing Hoyt had a far bigger impact and that wasn’t even really happening!!!
The screen goes black … and we all think is that it??? wait … there are still 20 minutes left … this can’t be the end????
And it isn’t! We come back to a note that says 6 months later …. and a news report talking about Hep V and how they don’t understand the outbreak and Bill being interviewed about his autobiographical telling of all the events that happened called “And God Bled”. Wow Bill you really are a mainstreamer! We get to see Sookie at home watching said news item and in walks Alcide, complete with short haircut and obviously living there. Oh this explains the bad wig. Obviously at the time of filming originally they didn’t know they were going to get picked up for a new season and they must have had to go back, film an add on to the graveside scene to try and explain why Sookie and Alcide are a couple. Wonderful. At least that explains that bit then. So they are playing happy families and Bill is rabbiting on about how 1/8th of the vampire population is infected with Hep V. Now excuse me for one second here ….. I want to know what the Hep V rules are?? Because quite frankly I don’t think the writers have figured it out yet. All the vampires from the camp would be dead (I am assuming …one maker was laying there dying last week and it had only been a couple of days) and vampires are very GOOD at self preservation. If they thought there was anything like this going on they would be out there just slaughtering any possible contamination and the healthy 7/8ths could carry on. they destroyed most of the contaminate True Blood (we still don’t quite know what was with the Honolulu but last week … maybe that will provide answers in S7?) To me this all seems like a HUGE stretch that 6 months later this could be the result ….. even for Bon Temps??? Hmmmmmmmm
OK enough sidetracking with my speculations and on to the rest of the not very exciting finale. We get to see that Jason is still with Violet and despite giving her insane amounts of very satisfying oral sex he still isn’t getting laid and Violet shows no signs of changing that rule any time soon. Poor Jason. He has even created her an amazing basement style light tight room for her to stay in but no deal for him. Well as she said she did warn him that she wasn’t going to make it easy.
This is nothing compared to the main other storyline that they are obviously setting up for next season. No one trusts the government (shocker) and everyone is turning to the church for help and guidance and we get to see that Sam and Reverend Daniels of all people have teamed up to try and protect the good people (well people anyway) of Bon Temps. At first it is unclear what is going on other than everyone is in the church getting their blood tested. Weird. Sadly it soon becomes clear what is going on. They want all the humans to be tested to see if they are carriers for Hep V. All the humans that aren’t they are asking to team up with “healthy” vampires and become their feeders in exchange for protection. Ummmmm OK then. Even weirder Arlene is throwing a big party at “Bellefleur’s Bar and Grill” (we can only assume Arlene used the insurance money to buy Merlottes) where they can all mingle with the vampires and try to find a pairing once they get their results back. Ridiculous! Andy seems to be the only one that won’t buy in because after all he doesn’t want any vamp anywhere near Adelyn and who can blame him (Adelyn who by the way seems to have not ages at all in the 6 months … guess the fast growing is over).
The idea is that the roaming packs of rabid Hep V infected vampires are roaming from small town to small town picking them all off. Now it is not clear if they are killing or turning but either way it doesn’t sound good. Seriously though if the “healthy” vamps can team up and protect a human why can’t they just team up and go slaughter the infected ones? Doesn’t make any sense to me at all!
At the “mixer” we get to see that James the vampire Jessica fell in love with at vamp camp is apparently a singer. And not a bad one either. Yep he is no Lestat but he pulls off the rocker look. (Side note OK a whole alligator on the grill with Lemon Slices .. HA ….. too funny). Alcide and Sookie get negative results but both have no interest in becoming vamp food. Tara and Willa are together and not finding anyone to their liking when Lettie Mae comes over and wants to talk. Eventually Tara agrees and off they go so Lettie Mae can give a big sob story about how she was never there are a mother to feed her child and wants to feed her now. UGH there is time you are never getting back. Now Tara agrees and we see her feed but you have to ask has Lettie Mae really done a 180 on her vampire feelings or did she get her results and is she infected? Yes I know I am a sceptic but this whole storyline has irritated me since Season1 …. Lettie Mae should have been killed off ages ago, not married off to Reverend Daniels and then dragged out all the way through season 6! Guess we will have to wait until next year to get answers about that.
Jessica takes off to tell Andy that she will protect him regardless of anything because she feels she owes him. Can’t argue with that and Andy does manage not to shoot her but does slam the door in her face leaving her out front guarding the Bellefleur house.
The season ends with Bill coming over to talk to Alcide and Sookie and a very amusing exchange. Alcide feels Sookie doesn’t need vampire protection but Bill disagrees telling Alcide that he can growl all he wants he can’t protect her like a vampire. One of the few times that Bill actually amused me!! Definitely wouldn’t think one wolf could protect from a pack of rabid vampires but then I wouldn’t think one regular vamp could either. Bill and Alcide sniff the air and look worried …… The camera pans back and we see what Bill and Alcide smelled …. a group of about 5 obviously infected vampires heading towards the party , that doubles as more emerge from the woods, and then doubles again until we see a swarm just heading towards the humans….. one of which looks suspiciously like the vampire we saw destroying the truck in Honolulu last week. Perhaps that is the tie in? Who knows!!! One thing is for sure I don’t want my vampires turned into a rabid pack of zombies!
With no real kill count to deal with I guess the big questions are just is Eric alive (already posted my thoughts on that), is Lettie Mae infected (guess we will have to wait and see) and are the writers going to work out a cohesive set of rules for this Hep V thing? They have a few months to get something together … if all else fails email me! I will work it out for you!!!!
Until then the fangover will begin along with the wait …. and I think we all agree Waiting SUCKS!!!
My Favorite Lines From “Radioactive”
- Sookie – “Forever is a rare thing in this world … no matter what vampires say”
- Jessica – “Bill Compton Would Have Walked Through Fire To Save Her!!!”
- Warlow – “You really are a danger whore!”
- Bill – “I WAS a God”
- Bill – “You can growl all you want Bright Eyes it doesn’t change the truth”
- Sookie – “Even at your best I could never really trust you”