Well my fellow True Blood Fans, after almost a year of speculation about what will happen next, hours of going over spoiler clips, teases, and any other snippets I could find, last night was finally the night. Season 5 had its premiere showing and for the most part it was worth the wait!!!! (For those you of new to my spoiler reviews there is a LOT of detail as some people read them from other countries that can’t get to see the episode yet. I also list my favorite memorable lines at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use), and new for this year as HBO Go has added online extras while you watch I have added in the time stamps for each of them : Listed after the memorable lines)
At the end of Season 4 we were left we several cliffhangers (for a full reminder click here), some of which we get answered in Episode 1 which is great for me because it provided instant gratification.
Season 5 starts a few moments before where Season 4 left off. No 12 1/2 month gap this time!! We briefly see Sookie’s car pulling up to her house before it flashes over to Bill and Eric dealing with the aftermath of killing Nan and her gay storm troopers. Bill is letting Jessica know that he will be away for a while and “his palace is her palace” (Oh yes Bill you really don’t remember what it is like to be a teenager … BAD IDEA), but more amusingly in the background you see Eric using his super speed to completely clean up everything, complete with blue marigolds (Rubber gloves for you Americans) With moves like that he can come and clean my house ANYTIME!! Think he would even put my husband to shame and damn that man can clean….. anyway I digress.
Cleaning in full swing over at Bill’s we flash back to the scene that ended the season last year, Tara getting shot and Sookie killing Debbie. What they didn’t show last year was the fact that both Bill and Eric react to Sookie’s fear but Eric says “Fuck Sookie” because she rejected them but Bill takes off anyway only to be captured by silver nets and when Eric rushes over to help Bill (Not a sentence I ever thought I would be writing), he is captured too (We are assuming at this point by “The Authority”.
So Tara is dying (dead?) in Sookie’s arms, Lafayette comes running downstairs and while they are working out what to do Pam comes rushing in looking for Eric and after some snarky dialogue (some listed under memorable lines at the bottom) she eventually agrees if Sookie agrees to try to fix things between Pam and Eric AND owe her a favor. We do learn that the spell from last season did die with Marnie ….. a cop-out answer but at least it is an answer that I can stop stressing over.
As Pam tries to save Tara we head on over to Jason’s house where at the end on Season 4 a naked Jason had just opened the door expecting to see Jessica and was met with Reverend Steve Newlin … with fangs! Jason tries to apply his basic knowledge and not look Steve in the eye to avoid being glamoured but after a sob story about what a pathetic vampire he is Jason looks up and as we all know, one look is all it takes and Steve get’s his invite in and then convinces Jason that not only did he invite him in he thought that having his mouth Duct Taped was a good idea. Oh Jason *sigh*. So with Jason convinced it was all his idea Steve releases his glamour …. and professes his undying love for him. Hilarious!! even better was Jason’s response (once Steve removed the tape) that it was one of the best I love you’s he has ever heard but that he just doesn’t “Bark that way”!!! Steve is FURIOUS and goes to attack him and reminds me heavily of Franklin with his order to “LOVE ME”, but in rushes Jessica to save the day declaring “JASON IS MINE!” (well makes a change from Sookie lol). Jessica at this point finally seems to have a slight grasp on how being a vampire works, she explains that she is older, her daddy is the King and is out-of-town leaving her basically as the Queen so he can get out or die. Jason remembers he can help and rescinds his invitation leaving Steve flailing out the door with a last echoing call of I lovvvvveeeeeee yyyyooooouuuu. HILARIOUS!!!
Cliffhanger 3 from the finale, Sam and his wolves. Well he is surrounded but manages to convince one of them to shift back to human so they can communicate which they do but then after a few words Sam see’s he is in real trouble and shifts to an own and flies off. he heads over to Luna’s house to warn her and Emma where obviously the pack catch up with him and he agrees to go with them as long as they agree to leave Luna and Emma alone. More on that a bit later.
Over at Sookie’s house they are getting ready to bury Tara in the ground with Pam (who is un-amused at the whole situation, especially her Walmart yellow sweat suit), but things are not looking good as Pam complains that Tara smells. As Pam says, that can’t be a good thing. When Sookie tries to point out that she thinks Pam is doing it wrong (not holding Tara), Pam points out that she has done this before even though it didn’t turn out very well. Now many of you may be surprised by that as in Season 3 when everything is going wrong Eric tells Pam he thinks it is her time to be a maker. Well my True Blood fans Pam has told us once before about the time she was a maker. It was in the “Extras” commentary on Season 2 Episode 1. She says she turned a guy before, in England, but that didn’t work out. Something that has never been mentioned in the show but I can’t imagine it being something Eric wouldn’t know. Continuity error? Did they forget their extras?? Something lurking to come up and bite us later??? Who know’s with Alan Ball but at least Pam is sticking to her story that being a maker may not be her strong suit. Anyway they are buried and Sookie and Lafayette get to play wait and see. (Oh since writing that one of the Extras on this episode just popped up the fact. Well as I typed it all I am leaving it there lol).
With all that excitement going on it is time to catch up with Bill and Eric who are trapped in the trunk of the car being driven by 2 people that we assume are Authority members. We get to see Bill and Eric trapped in the trunk discussing their situation and they actually manage to work together to engineer an escape. Not perhaps the best escape on record as it involves blowing up the car while they are still in it, but it is an escape none the less.
So the car blows up leaving an injured Bill and a much less injured Eric who won’t leave without helping *rolls eyes* yes the “bromance” has begun, but all seems to be in vain because as soon as they stand they are confronted with one of the Authority members who simply asks “who wants to die first”. Luckily for our boys their attacker gets staked from behind by the OTHER Authority member who turns out to be “Nora” (Played by Lucy Griffiths who as a side note played Marion in the UK Version TV Series of Robin Hood and I ADORE HER!!!) … anyway what was I saying .. oh yes Nora, Eric’s sister (sired by Godric), and they have a very warm reunion much to Bill’s surprise. Eric and Nora are HOT together!
The three leave and wander down a pier to discuss what will happen and Nora lets it known that she understands the risk but she will do anything for Eric and Eric affirms that he would do the same should the situations be reversed. hmmmm well she is far more interesting that Sookie so this is working for me :D. She explains how the Authority has factions and not everyone is on board with the current agenda and while she makes a phone call Eric explains to Bill that not even Pam knows about Nora … hmmmmmm interesting ….
Back at Sookie’s there is still the Debbie Pelt body to deal with which she does with a shower curtain and Lafayette barely holding himself together which actually seems to improve when Sookie tells him that she decided to kill Debbie and that she had time to think about what she was doing and did it anyway because she wanted her dead. Well Sookie I told you that when she attacked you in the bedroom … if you had listened to me yelling at the tv set you never would have gotten in this mess!!!! After Debbie they have the sad task to going over to deal with Jesus because apparently that hasn’t been done yet. Lafayette is mourning that Jesus deserved better than a shower curtain but this soon becomes rather irrelevant as Jesus’ body has gone. No answers on that one this episode so after a few minutes grieving alone (insert falling apart) they head back to Sookie’s to clean up. After Sookie having her moment of weakness in the shower, Lafayette soaks in the bath and we see him crying and looking at a razor …. don’t do it Lala … remember Jesus said keep breathing!!!
While Lafayette soaks there is a knock at the door and Sookie rushes down to see Alcide waiting there. Oooooh this should be interesting. She has no option other than to invite him in and tries to get him into the living room but of course he appears in the kitchen. Great little scene where they discuss how clean the kitchen is as Sookie quickly kicks a missed tooth under the fridge!!! Awesome!! Of course Alcide is there to let her know about Russell and try to convince her to move in with him for a while for protection. Obviously she can’t and is about to explain why (REALLY SOOKIE?????) when Lafayette bursts in with a shaved head (Phew no body in the bathtub) and completely gets up in Alcide’s face not even then least bit intimidated by his growling. (Did anyone else want to say DOWN DOG!!! or was that just me???)
Over at Terry’s the soldier that we met at the end on season 4 is staying with them and bringing up stuff Terry does not want to talk about. remember when Rene made his appearance and warned Arlene about the ghosts of Terry’s past not being happy? I am thinking he was talking about actual ghosts!!! The fire that we thought Mavis had set appears to have been set by a ghost related to something that happened while Terry was serving. There have been 2 other similar fires and those people are now dead!! Wonder if poor Lafayette will have to channel this one!
Poor Sam is being tortured by the wolves and they are getting nowhere until Mama wolf comes in and makes it clear that if he doesn’t say where the body is they will not only kill him but will go after Luna and Emma too. Obviously Sam can’t have that so he takes them to the grave where they dig up Marcus and are about to replace the body with Sam when Luna shows up with Alcide who claims that he did it so is now the pack Alpha. Obviously some people are not happy with that (including Pack Mama) and they decide to start EATING Marcus’s body. Well Ok then ….. Hotshot flashbacks anyone? I am guessing that they are trying to “Ingest” some Alpha Power? Well I am sure that is not the last we will see of all of this!!!
Now that night has fallen Lafayette and Sookie are waiting for signs that Tara will rise… but nothing is happening. So we head over to Bill’s house where Jessica is throwing a party. Typical college type stuff which reminds us that though she seemed to have a handle on everything when dealing with Steve she is still just a teenager at heart. She is getting her flirt on when Jason appears at the door and invites himself in to join the fun. It is like a mexican stand-off. Jessica flirting with the new guy and Jason being annoyed and Jason flirting with a cute college girl who is annoying Jessica *rolls eyes*. When Jessica finally starts kissing the new guy Jason takes that as his cue to leave, which he does, with the cute college girl but they only get as far as the car before Jason has second thoughts and we hear how he really is trying to be a good guy and so nothing happens.
Of course with it being night that means Eric, Bill and Nora can start to put their plan in action and apparently part of that plan is some damn hot sex between Nora and Eric!!! WOW!!! Far sexier than anything that ever happened with Sookie. Sadly they are interrupted by a phone call from Alcide (DAMN THAT WEREWOLF) letting them know that Russell has escaped. (Quick flash to see a person being thrown in obviously to be eaten by Russell) Not that there is much that they can do with the knowledge so they go on with the plan and go meet the “extraction crew and get their new identities. Eric’s is Ike Applebaum!!! Oh that’s funny and not just because Eric is very unimpressed but all I can think is Ike A … Ikea….Swedish furniture!! Wonder if that was deliberate??? OK so they get their new papers and they are about to board the boat to wherever when suddenly bullets are flying (must be wooden as vampires start exploding) and spotlights come on and there is this BIG MOVIE THEATER PREVIEW type voice announcing that “In the name of the one true vampire Authority, in whose wisdom and justice all is made manifest by God ….Do not fucking move!!” I swear it was so over the top it reminded me of the start to Bill and Ted’s Excellent adventure concert scene at the end…. but anyway yet they are now caught, Nora and all!
finally back at Sookie’s where Lafayette and Sookie have been waiting hours and NOTHING!! Not even Pam has risen (which should be a clue that things are PROBABLY about to happen but no this is when Sookie realises they haven’t had food so Lafayette goes to make them something. YOU KNOW that things are going to start happening now!!!
Pam emerges from the ground moaning that there is dirt in her bra and not caring whether the transformation has worked or not. Sookie starts digging (Pam points her towards the head) and when she finds Tara it appears that she is still dead. Cue the sad music and Sookie crying, Lafayette appears and starts crying too while Pam calmly drinks her Tru Blood and watches all the sadness (Have I mentioned I LOVE Pam lol). But wait …. just when you think it is all done Tara springs from the ground and looking FURIOUS goes to attack Sookie who just has time to scream “LAFAYETTE” before the credits role!!!! Oh Mr Ball you remembered how to do cliffhangers!!! FANGTASTIC!!!
Other things that happened that I felt were pretty irrelevant – Holly’s kids catch her and Andy in bed together (Yawn)
– Andy gets bribed by a judge to cover the judge’s son’s speeding ticket (guessing this will come up at a later date)
– Hoyt is still mad at Jason about Jessica and that doesn’t look like it will improve any time soon.
All in all I have to say I LOVED this episode …. it is one of my favorite premiere episodes of all 5 seasons. I LOVE the passion between Eric and Nora!! I love that this whole season looks as though it is going to be very vampire centric with a dash of wolves and maybe a splattering of ghosts … I can deal with that!!!
Memorable Lines From Turn Turn Turn
- Pam – “Color me impressed, you guys know how to party!”
- Pam – “I can’t be the only one who’s noticed she is missing half her head now can I? Even if I try what’s to say she won’t rise up out of the ground tomorrow night completely and utterly fucktarded”
- Steve – ” I am a gay vampire American and I love you Jason Stackhouse!”
- Eric – “We fight like siblings but we fuck like champions”
- Lafayette -“How the fuck you think you can protect her from an ancient pissed of vampire when all werewolves do is piss off vampires even more!”
- Jason -“Everything we was feeling that entire song….. that was real!”
HBO Go – Extras
- 1.00 – Sookie’s Rejection
- 2.59 – Sookie’s Fairy Vagina (Video)
- 3.17 – How To Turn A Vampire Step One
- 3.41 – True Blood Vampire Teeth Fact
- 4.14 – Weird Is A Relative Term
- 5.24 – True Story – Fang Novice
- 7.03 – How To Turn A Vampire Step Two
- 7.39 – True Secret – Pam’s Progeny
- 8.17 – What’s Hot and What’s Not (Video)
- 10.19 – Relive Jason In Captivity
- 11.42 – Relive Happiness Is A Warm Gun (Video)
- 13.27 – Licking Allowed (Video)
- 13.50 – Now Playing – Silly Love Songs By Paul McCartney and Wings
- 14.15 – Spooning with Skarsgard (Video)
- 14.49 – True Story – Junk In The Trunk
- 18.06 – Relive Mission Accomplished (Video)
- 20.19 – True Trivia : Sookie’s Car
- 23.18 – Did You Know
- 24.09 – Andy Gets Lucky (Video)
- 24.49 – True Trivia : Scott Foley
- 27.54 – True Secret – Sookie’s Stairwell
- 29.24 – Now Playing : You’re So Mean by Bill Scarborough
- 31.24 – Now Playing : The Soul Train’s A Coming by eBlues Highway
- 32.11 – A Good Bromance gone Bad (Video)
- 37.53 – Now Playing :MDV Serenade by Blee
- 39.28 – Eternally Underaged
- 42.01 – Mama Needs A Drink
- 42.07 – Now Playing :Cherry Bomb (Guitar hero version) by The Runaways
- 43.20 – Now Playing :Feels Like The First Time (Guitar hero version) by Foreigner
- 45.29 – Sexual Evolution (Video)
- 45.50 – True Story – Dog Wolves
- 47.21 – Rubber Marcus (Video)
- 50.52 – How To Turn A Vampire Step Three