True Blood Season 6 Ep 9 – “Life Matters” Synopsis/Review … MAJOR SPOILERS! V””V

Right then True Blood fans let the spoilers and snarking begin! For those of you new to the me for the True Blood season let me start with my normal disclaimer …. BLAH BLAH BLAH … my spoiler reviews are long, detailed and opinionated. I speculate, bitch and generally focus on the points that I want to. My favorite lines are listed at the bottom (feel free to tell me any you liked that I didn’t use) and sometimes I add in random musings just because!

So here we are! It feels like this season barely started and already this is the penultimate episode. Really this week was split into 2 sections (although it jumped back and forth A LOT between the 2 in the episode) so for my convenience I am going to split the review up that way too.  And yes I saved the better bit for the second half so if (like me) you are totally over the whole Terry and his funeral drama feel free to skip ahead.

For those that want to know everything … here we go.  Tonight we say goodbye to Terry with a funeral that takes up about 1/2 the show.  Now don’t get me wrong, I loved Terry! Well earlier versions of Terry.  This season’s Terry was a lot on the annoying side for me.  I miss the Terry that kept Felix the Armadillo under his bed! I think having him shot the way he was to kill off a major character was a little bit of a cop-out and they have certainly milked it for all it was worth.  That being said there were some great moments during the funeral, especially the flashbacks that were really well filmed and had the raw quality to them that was so evident in earlier seasons (a quality that honestly I miss). 

Sookie leaves her Fairy haven to be there (just popping in like she does with no one noticing) …. and Alcide is there to hit on her. Hmmmmm still not quite sure why he felt the need to attend, guess with the whole pack debacle dealt with, for now at least, they had to find some way to put him in there and show that he is back to being a good guy.  Well Praise Cain for that because (and these are words I never thought I would be writing) he was even MORE annoying this season being Alcide the Asshole!!  He does provide some eye candy for Mrs Fortenbury and Jane Bodehouse though which amused me and we got an update on Hoyt (who has a girlfriend who apparently is ugly as sin but still better than being a red-headed bloodsucker).  Made me think of the Sam Scrunchie comment from Season 2. Definite amusement factor.  Adding to the amusement was a pretty constant string of insults coming from the (new) Caroline Bellefleur.  Delightfully inappropriate throughout.

The Reverend Daniels in there (complete with Lettie Mae who hasn’t changed one bit) and he gives the service in his quiet preachy way. He opens the door for various people to come up and talk and with each one we get a flashback of a poignant moment in their history with Terry.  Andy goes first with his (slightly predictable) looks at when Terry was holed up in fort Bellefleur after the war. Nothing really new here.  Sam is next and the flashbacks with him were well done.  It really has a “season 1” feel to it which I appreciated. 

Lafayette is up next and he is wonderful as usual.  I especially loved his outfit, the suit, the fedora, and the looooong false lashes. His speech was perhaps one of my favorite parts of the funeral complete with another Season 1 esque flashback and Terry being shown how Lafayette shakes it when he cooks.  Brilliant!  Moments like this show how well the writers know the characters … which actually makes it MORE annoying when they get it wrong!!!  If they have writers that can show us this … they should be able to not make so many other screw ups!!!  They do make up for it though with a boring interlude from Portia *yawn*.  We could have done without that!  PLUS no interesting flashback so double blah on that!

It should be Arlene’s turn but Sookie “hears” that she isn’t ready to say goodbye yet and so we get Sookie up there instead.  She takes that moment to tell them all she is a telepath (which I am pretty sure most of them knew as NO real reaction to that announcement at all but hey Sookie way to try to make it all about you) … and we get a real touching flashback to Terry first seeing Arlene on his first day at work.  They did an amazing job of recreating an almost exact scene from the very first episode which I am sure that many fans like me would appreciate and it was lovely closure for Arlene.  Very well handled but still taking away from what I really wanted to see .. the vamps!!!

Finally it is Arlene’s turn and she gives a moving speech and we get another flashback to when Mickey was born (side track for a moment and this baby looks  YOUNGER in this funeral episode that he was 2 SEASONS AGO!!!( ….. and we see Terry being wonderful and for a moment I am sad that he ended like this.  Then I remember that he was annoying this season and this story has been dragging on sooooooo enough already!!   Finally Reverend Daniels says everyone has spoken but Big John steps up and he is going to sing.  ( you would recognize him if you saw him … he worked in the kitchen with Terry). So he sings and everyone is moved .. and it is kinda touching (when you watch it this bit is actually overlaid with the whole Jason and Sarah bit … but hey I decided to write it this way .. so you are going to have to deal with it lol).  So song over we get the marine gun salute, the guns are fired, the flag is folded, the funeral is over.  Goodbye Terry.  Your crazy antics from earlier seasons will be missed.

And  now onto the vamps!!  At the end of last week Bill and Sookie had hopped to Fairy Land where they found Warlow drained (by Eric) but obviously still alive (he wasn’t a pile of goo) and this week we see that Bill is not big on the sympathy vote and still wants Warlow (who can’t even sit up) to keep up the bargain Sookie made and come help save the vampires stuck at vamp camp about to meet the sun.  Sookie points out that Bill is supposed to be the king of all the vampires and he needs to go sort out his own vampire mess and then decides she needs to gnaw on her own arm so that Warlow can feed (you would have though by now she would carry a knife for just sort a situation), which of course makes Bill’s fans pop out, which irritates Sookie even more.  Well Sookie he is a vampire – what do you expect.  Bill, couldn’t care less and as soon as Warlow has had a couple of mouthfuls of blood gets whisked up by Bill wanting to leave with him but he can’t. Ooops Bill you forgot that you need a fairy to get in and out of there … unless you are Eric apparently … no we aren’t getting a proper answer to that question from last week, but all is well as Sookie zaps him with her magic Fairy light and he bounces on his ass right back to the graveyard but not before she reminds him that Eric has more or Warlow’s blood pulsing through him than Warlow right now so he can go find him!

Talking of Eric, he is very much enjoying being able to walk in the sun and takes the opportunity to completely tear up all the guards outside of vamp camp (but Bill is not far behind him ).  Sadly we only get to see before and after shots *sigh* ……. no actual Eric doing the damage, but we can imagine (and I did :D).  With limbs in hand (well he wasn’t sure which arm had the chip in) he goes into the camp and starts making his way through with his first stop being at Doctor Oberlark’s office.  Remember him? He was the creator of Hep V and the stupid human that enjoyed injecting the lethal dose into Nora as he forced Eric to watch. Think he might be regretting that decision right about now and Eric approaches him and rips his balls off!! Quite literally!  Now the web has been filled with titillating spoilers about how this week we would get to see “Eric” and a “Naked Penis” in the same shot … and we do … sadly it is not Eric’s but the Doctor’s that has been tossed to one side as the Doctor lies there bleeding out. (Note to special effects team … whilst I appreciate a good blood shot ….. there is no way he could stay conscious with that much blood pooled around him … I am not even sure a body HOLDS as much blood as seen there … but I appreciate the effort).  Eric leaves him bleeding to death after pointing out he will be back in 10 minutes to make sure he has bled off.  Luckily (or unluckily) for Doctor Oberlark he doesn’t have to wait that long as Bill comes in and stomps on his head like the giant cockroach that he is!

Eric continues his jaunt around the prison, and it really is a jaunt, dancing into the room he just unlocked to free the male vamps in one of the general population quarters, humming to himself as he digs the computer chip out of the dead guard’s arm.  I ADORE this Eric.  The vampire out for vengeance with no regard for human life, the humans that have wronged him, the humans that thought he could be tamed. Covered in blood and oozing with danger! Brilliant!! If the whole show could have been like this I would have been thrilled.  He even takes a moment to console one lonely vampire who does not flee with the others because his maker is in one of the morgue type coolers.  The maker is infected with Hep V and we can see he doesn’t have long to live as the black evilness is coursing through his veins but Eric knows that feeling and quietly points out that the opportunity for vengeance is available.  *sigh* …. Love it!

As Bill is slightly behind Eric he goes off on a different pathway around the prison in his hunt for our favorite viking  vampire, seeing as he does that the vampires have opted for a literal eye for an eye revenge routine rather than a simple kill all the humans  variation.  We see variations of pretty much all the tortures we have seen inflicted on the vampires the past few weeks now being done to the humans, from the pulling of teeth, to the running in the giant hamster wheel (almost naked of course) to a therapy session with our not so favorite shrink.  As Bill searches he prooves once again that even as the all powerful Billith he is rather stupid and useless.  He asks a roaming vampire about Eric and is told that Eric set them free but the vampire refuses to elaborate saying so many hallways ….. and Bill just leaves it.  UGH Bill .. you have enough power to make Eric float around the ceiling like a giant helium balloon but you can’t make a simple number 3 vamp give you information?  USELESS!!

With Bill wandering in the opposite direction, Eric has made his way to Female Gen Pop 001 where, after freeing the room, he finds Jason pretty drained and laying, shirtless on a bench.  Amazing scene between these 2 characters which ends with Jason being healed by Eric (mainly because Jason can show him around) and Eric promising him some awesome dreams !! Oh I hope we get to see the dreams next season (although I am sure my husband is hoping EQUALLY as hard that we DON’T lol). With the newly healed Jason as his guide they head off down the corridors (with Jason high fiving all the dead guards on the way) and we see Sarah Newlin emerge from beneath a pile of bodies after they pass.  Now SURELY Eric would have heard the heartbeat and known someone was not only alive but (apparently) not injured in the least?? Was he so focussed he didn’t care? Or is this just another oversight to enable the plot twist that they wanted *sigh*.  Either way Sarah is alive and you know that won’t be good.

Heading a long Eric must have gone in a complete circle and now be behind Bill because he comes across the room where Pam’s favorite psychiatrist is having his own tortuous therapy session.  Eric dismisses the vampire torturers and has his own little chat.  The Doctor is scared and so he should be.  Eric is cold and calculating and awesome as he tells the Doctor he forgot to ask how he was going to die.  Things are about to get worse for him though because sensing the end is close he decides that taunting Eric is the best way to go.  Even Jason knows that this is not a smart move but Eric hears the truth in the words so whips out the guys “anti glamour” contact lenses and makes him tell all.  Then instead of killing him decides that it would be better for Pam to have the honor. See I LOVE that!!! Brilliant bit of writing there from the team!!!  As they continue down the halls (now with psychiatrist in hand) there is a piercing scream that all fans would recognise.  Sure enough Eric grins and says the same thing … and heads to find Ginger!!!

Bill, in the meantime, remembers what Sookie said about all of Warlow’s blood coursing through Eric’s veins and realizes that HE has Warlow’s blood too so grabs a guard and rushes off to find the White Room with a guard that he picks up on the way. 

With Bill rushing to the rescue inside, we get to see that Sarah escaping was a bad thing as she heads up the side of the building to the roof and we all just know it is the roof of the room that the vampires are in.  Sure enough we see her opening the roof to let the sun in to the vampires below …. but Bill has gotten there first and they are all feasting on him as the sunlight hits … well all except Steve who apparently only got a mouthful.  Hmmmmmmm dramatic as this is … why not just open the door Bill so they could all LEAVE??? *rolls eyes* .. STUPID!!! (The music is rather awesome though)

Eric finally catches up complete with Jason,  psychiatrist and Ginger … but they are in the observation room and Eric rushes around to catch Steve who is starting to panic.  Bill says to let Steve feed but Eric is having none of it and holds him into the sun to burn … just as Sarah leans over to look down at what she expects to be a room full of burning vampires.  Instead she just gets to see the one burn, her ex husband… who looks right at her and says ….. I love you .. JASON STACKHOUSE!!! Damn if that isn’t a smack in the face!! Eric and Pam share a beautiful moment as they look at each other and Eric tells Pam he saved the psychiatrist for her. Awwwwww great to see these 2 back on the right track!

The vampires are all high and dancing in the sunshine filled room (hmmmm yes could have done without that) … when Jason realises that Sarah is still alive and rushes off to take care of it.He catches her in the parking lot and has a gun to her throat but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger and ends up letting her go.  Oh Jason you know that is going to come back to haunt you!!

Bill is left on the floor … pretty much drained to the point of death (sadly not actually there) while the vampires all go to play outside and smash-up all the bottles of Tru Blood and apparently at the same time in Honolulu a vampire appears at what seems to be a Tru Blood delivery and we see the driver killed too. Hmmmmm wonder why Honolulu… guess we will find out next week.  Anyway Lilith’s little bitches appear and tell Bill it is time for him to go with them.  GO BILL GO!!! PLEASE GO!!!!

Eric is outside with the other high happy vampires but he is not looking so happy.  We see him go to where Nora was infected with the Hep V while he was caged and we see him go from mad to what looks like resigned.  Ohhhh go back to being mad Eric …. you still have a lot of humans you can kill!!! (and a whole pack of wolves over in Shreveport if you are really looking for something to do …. what …. just a suggestion … damn writers don’t listen to me anyway!!)

Jessica is also losing her happy thoughts as she realises Bill isn’t with them and she rushes back in (complete with James in tow) and finds Bill almost dead apparently talking to himself (Jessica can’t see the Lilith bitches).  James realises that Bill needs blood to survive and feeds him, which apparently is enough for the Lilith clones to leave and Bill to come back to the land of the living (unliving???)  *sigh* … either way Bill doesn’t die.  Damn it Bill could you not have just gone with them!!!

Bill walks out to a round of applause from the vampires he saved but you know from the music something is wrong….. although it is not for Bill that the music is playing … it is for Eric.   Pam turns and looks across the parking lot as everyone is leaving and it is just her and Eric … and she just says one line …. “Don’t You Dare Leave Me” …. and Eric is gone ….. straight up towards the sun leaving us to believe that he has decided to end it… and that is where they end the episode.

I can’t believe we only have one more episode left this season although I am curious what they are going to do with the finale.  This episode had a finale feel to it (had it been any other show) but I can only assume with season 7 confirmed they are going to spend next week setting things up for a tortuous cliffhanger to make us wait for a year.

I did appreciate the nod to Anne Rice’s Lestat, be it intentional or not for those avid vampire readers like me.  It gives me hope that Eric will survive this as Lestat did before him.  I think if they really wanted to kill him off they would have had this as the finale ending.  Certainly would have had us buzzing with the will he / won’t he make it questions for the next 10 months!!

Waiting SUCKS!!!




My Favorite Lines From “Life Matters”

  • Sookie – “Eric took our deal and fucked it in the ass!!”
  • Eric – “I’ll be back in 10 minutes to make sure you bled out”.
  • Eric – “Go on, Go kill your captors”
  • Eric – “You’re free …. go forth and kill the humans”
  • Terry – “I don’t like work …… or people”
  • Steve – “I love you Jason Stackhouse!!!”

Movie References, Bloodlust, & A Severe Case Of Book A.D.D V””V

As you may (or may not) have noticed,  most of my posts lately have been either reviews on either books, or the latest episodes of True Blood. Whilst I love writing those I felt today I needed to come back to what my blog was originally for.  My weird and random thoughts and musings, normally leaning towards the darker, vampyric side of my life, always leading down some obscure pathway that lets everybody know I have totally lost the map.  For those that only come to read the reviews – feel free not to bother reading any further :D.

So apart from my quite obvious obsession with all things vampire, if it is supernatural based there is a good chance I will give it a try, be it movie, book, or TV show.  It was purely by chance that I happened upon the show “Lost Girl” which is all about the Fae.  Now these aren’t your typical “Tinkerbell” or even True Blood type fairies.  These have a whole sub-culture all their own and I adore it (except for the wolfie fae ….. wish they hadn’t picked him for the main lead *sigh* but then you can’t have everything!).  Now last night my favorite character Kenzi (who is actually human) went undercover at a high school and when she met a bunch of bitchy mean girls she addressed them as “Heather, Heather, and Heather”!  (Check out a bit about my love of this movie in an earlier blog Chaos Is What Killed The Dinosaurs Darling!!!! V””V) This amused me for the rest of the show as anyone who has read previous entries will know I have a little obsession with that 80’s movie.  It got me to thinking how often my husband and I reference obscure little 80’s movies (and some not so obscure) in our everyday life.  And the answer was pretty often.  Movies today, in my opinion, just don’t open themselves up to that one classic quote, the one line that will forever stay with you….or in my case the whole suitcase in my brain that is FULL to overflowing with references that only a select few will understand or care about.

Which brings me to the bloodlust section of today’s musings.  No there really wasn’t any kind of link there I know but that is where this journey is going.  Actually there is a minor link, as movies today seem to try to impress with the sheer amount of blood and gore that they can get into 90 minutes with none of the “fear” that can actually be caused by a bit of suspense.  OK I will admit that was a stretch but oh well.  Bloodlust has been on my mind this week partly because of the recent events in True Blood but also with the books I have been reading and the obvious correlation between bloodlust and plain old lust.  one of the original deadly sins. From Laurell K Hamilton and Jeaniene Frost to the more subtle innuendos from Lestat in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, the connection, if you adore the vampires, is everywhere.

With erotica making a such a splash in the mainstream with the STILL ridiculously popular “Fifty Shades Of Grey” (Can ANYONE tell me what the deal is with that? … See previous musings … Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V, Pleasure, Pain, And The Fifty Shades Of My Darker Life V””V, and 50 Shades And My Seemingly Ever Increasing Desire To Lobotomize The Sheep!! V””V).  The only good thing to come out of it is Anne Rice has re-released her Sleeping Beauty trilogy so the world can actually see some real erotica …. let’s see how many of the sheep will actually read that.  My guess – probably NONE! Why? Because there aren’t a million people babbling on about how great it is.

Anyway back to where I was originally going before the ranting took the better of me, there is the obvious connection between the whole bloodlust from a vampire and lust in general (biting, blood, sex and death and a recurring theme in many places) but what about other forms of bloodlust.  Those say of a serial killer?  How many people out there watch a movie like Hannibal and think that it is romantic? Or going back to Heathers were desperately hoping that JD would succeed? Luckily for me, as I have mentioned on many occasions, I  have both a husband and a select group of friends that are not repulsed by my obvious, for want of a better term, true bloodlust.  Be it vampires or regular killers, movies, tv shows, or books, I write this knowing at least a few people out there will understand what I am trying to say.  They do not want to shine a light and take away all the darkness.  They understand that some of the most exciting things live there and do not want to be saved by true love, forgiveness, or any other of the salvation options that are all the rage.

And finally that brings me to my book A.D.D, although reading back over this it might be more accurate to call it just A.D.D in general as this is definitely one of the less focussed pieces I have written.  I think perhaps i left it too long and the thoughts in this crazy mass of firing neurons have just gone way out of control.  Pair that with an ever-increasing lack of sleep and you end up with this, severely crazy musings from a frazzled vampire obsessed mind.  Oh well so be it!

But back to the book thing.  Over the last 2 weeks I have noticed that at any one point I will have 2 or 3 books on the go.  Most unusual for me as I normally pick a book, read start to finish, and move on to the next one.  Now this is not actually all my fault as it started with me acquiring a couple of books on my Nook. One of my favorite pleasures is to read in the bath and with my propensity for dropping things, reading on the Nook is not an option and thus I started to have a “Nook read” and a “Bath read” which meant 2 books on the go at the same time.  Since then though things have gotten worse and I am like a magpie drawn to new shiny things.  It doesn’t matter what I am reading if another book catches my eye then I go straight to that.  Of course new books often have that effect anyway and with my wonderful husband earning $50 Barnes and Noble gift cards through work incentives the temptation is all to readily fulfilled.  The blame cannot solely lie there though as friends suggest things which I have to read immediately, I have a new book club that invited me called the “Booksluts” with their books of the month (Really could there be a more perfect name??) and then of course there is the library which I cannot possibly enter without checking out at least one book … and when they have 3 books right there on the shelf from the same series that I love … what is a girl to do?

Well for now this girl is going to pick up her latest purchase from yesterday and see what vampire adventures it leads her down …..


50 Shades And My Seemingly Ever Increasing Desire To Lobotomize The Sheep!! V””V

As I flick through this week’s copy of Entertainment Weekly I was disgusted to see that the 50 Shades Trilogy is taking up the top FOUR spaces on the New York Best Selling paperbacks list.  How, you might ask is this possible with only 3 books in the series but wait, they are counting the “All 3 books in 1” volume as a separate book!! Ridiculous!

Add to that pretty much every other status and picture on Facebook seem to have something to do with either the book, what they would like to do with characters in the book, or who they would like to play the characters in a movie, I am about to explode!  Perhaps watching From Hell (with the gorgeous Ivan from Being Human playing a crazed Dr lobotomizing people) was not such a good idea because I am finding the idea more and more appealing!

It is being described as “Mommy porn”.  Well what does that even mean?  There are no mommy characters in it?  Is it because the main character needs a smack? Oh wait he likes to do the smacking, except when he doesn’t.  The scene’s that are supposed to be so shocking pale in regard to many books that I have read over the years, Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty trilogy, any of the later Laurell K Hamilton Anita Blake books, Jeaniene Frost, Yasmine Galenorn.  The list could go on but you don’t see libraries threatening to pull them from their shelves or comments everywhere about their effect on people’s sex lives.

What is this mass market appeal that is totally mind washing even people whom I have known for years and would normally have considered that their taste ran to far superior writing.  So I ask again, what am I missing?  There sure as hell isn’t anything that I consider even mildly erotic in there.  I feel that it is poorly written and from a woman who I doubt has ever had anything other than missionary position, vanilla sex in her life and from the raving going on neither have the people who are expressing such ravishing praise about it.

A friend recently told me that they would be scared to be in my head and discover what goes on in there.  They actually said that they wondered if my bedroom would put the infamous red room to shame.  Well my readers whilst I can assure you that this is not the case I can also let you know that real trust in a partner does not come written on a piece of paper but from shared desire and experience and if it doesn’t fit in with the majority view of what is “normal” well that is just fine with me.  Normal has never been a word that would work to describe me anyway.

I live in a darkness that few will ever understand and many would rather not think about but that is OK .  I like it here and I have my husband who stops me taking that final step that may plunge me ever downward so far from reality that I would never find my way back.  I have my select friends who know the real me and don’t find it strange that I would take them to a shop where whips and chains are just the beginning and that I would fall in love with a beautifully crafted whip made from the softest elk hide to the extreme that I must have touched it 100 times whilst there (sadly the $259 price tag insisted I left it behind).

And so to all the sheep out there with their constant reminders to me about how great this book is …… is it really? or are you being shepherded along with the masses sharing the opinions that to me make no sense, because it is easier than forming your own?  Do you really find that erotic and compelling? If so I go back to my heading and would like to offer you a lobotomy.

*Mwah* V””V


Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V

*Disclaimer – All thoughts and comments made are PURELY MY opinion.  I have no personal experience of E L James or her actual process when it comes to writing.  I have no idea about her “real” life and all comments are based on my thoughts having read the book Fifty Shades Of Grey*

Fifty Shades Of Grey – the book that is now everywhere and being described as so erotic that libraries in certain states are feeling the need to pull it from the shelves (something I personally abhor … this is 2012 .. do we really need censorship?)  The back of the book promises that is “Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever” ….. I think they gave me the wrong book!!

Luckily (or unluckily) for me, my library was not one of the ones that decided to pitch in with the whole censorship thing and I picked up my copy a couple of days ago and I will admit I was excited to see what all the hype was about.  I love dark erotica so something that was so “shocking” that it was being removed from shelves really called out to my dark cravings.  Of course the fact that when I got it I thought it was going to be about a vampire helped too … for the record it isn’t, but the book still could have been good.

Maybe my expectations were too high.  I was expecting something more along the lines of “The Sleeping Beauty” trilogy by Anne Rice which is erotica at its finest and takes you there from a couple of pages in and doesn’t drop the ride through the whole 3 books.  What I got instead was a very tame girl (Ana) who meets a high power, but young Christian Grey, and they become a little obsessed.  Now to even get to that you have to plough through 70 pages where the most daring thing is a kiss with pinned hands and a little hair pulling in an elevator oh and Miss Ana feeling naughty because she uses his toothbrush without asking.  No I am not exaggerating!!

Having heard so many good things I decide to stick with it assuming that the more erotic stuff is further into the book.  But I won’t lie, it was not an easy read. The characters are flat for the most part unless they are emailing.  The emails back and forth are cute, especially the subject headings, but cute was not really what I thought the book was going for …. maybe I was wrong.

Christian Grey is basically a total control freak and he openly admits he is a Dom.  (Maybe that is shocking??)  He wants to control his lover down to what she wears, eats, who she spends time with etc but honestly? anyone with the slightest knowledge of the BDSM scene would know that this is really not very unusual and it certainly isn’t shocking. What he wants is his own little submissive but then he doesn’t really because he loves every time little Miss Ana contradicts him.  I think he is confused!  Oh but then we have the contract that they keep going back to.  Pages and pages of “Hard Rules” and “Soft Rules” and really I am starting to ask myself by now if perhaps Ms James picked up a copy of BDSM for dummies and is using that for her reference because there is NOTHING sexy or SHOCKING about the way that contract is done.  It covers only the most basic of stuff that a lot of couples do without even thinking about it being part of that culture.

The sex is tame (even the stuff that is supposed to be filled with debauchery) and the story drags leaving me with no interest to find out what they do with their lives at all.  Even worse is at the end of the book (Major Spoiler Alert) Ana asks Christian to spank her with the belt … then leaves him forever because he does!! RIDICULOUS! (OK so it probably isn’t forever as there are 2 more books in this trilogy, 2 more books that I will not be hunting out).

So my question is this.  What is everyone finding so shocking and what am I missing?  The only conclusion I can come to is that this is a book written by a bored middle american housewife who thinks she is pushing boundaries that she doesn’t understand (perhaps writing out her fantasies that she is never going to be able to fulfil?), writing for other bored middle american housewives who have never done anything remotely exciting in the bedroom and wouldn’t know where to begin.  My advice to them … watch 9 1/2 weeks.  That is a tale of obsession and it is far sexier that what is written here (and no paper trail lol).  Or if you want to read some real dark erotica, try the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, on second thoughts if you really thought this was naughty you better not.

I hear they are making a movie. Perhaps that will be better, not because it will be any naughtier but because hopefully someone will bring the character of Christian Grey to life.  He had potential, Mickey Rourke kind of potential, and maybe the right actor could make it an interesting watch (I am guessing it would get a PG 13 rating but maybe America will be daring and actually PUSH this to where is could have gone …. but I don’t hold out much hope).

My advice to my dark loving friends would be to give it a miss.  Read at your own risk of boredom, or read and tell me I am wrong, tell me what I am missing.  Perhaps I live so far into the darkness I just can no longer recognize what is risqué and what is not.  Hmmmmmm interesting thoughts for a sunday morning ……


The Taming Of The Vampire V””V

Today’s musings are a culmination of many thoughts and discussions that I have had with my lovely Lauren. I simply want to know this …. what is with society and it’s obsession with taming, or fixing, vampires?

Looking around at vampire culture as it stands right now I am amazed at how widely appealing vampires seem to have become over the last few years, and then I look again and see that it is not vampires as I love them, but rather a pale imitation of the darkness I fell in love with. Many people may say that Twilight is to blame with its broad appeal to young and old, and the beautiful love story beneath it, although if you ask me Twilight itself can definitely be read from a darker angle and really it is a tale of obsession that ends with the human being turned into a vampire….. but to be honest I usually stick Twilight and all its connotations in a separate pocket marked “not bad story idea”, and keep it out of my vampyric thoughts.

Twilight, however, is not really to blame as this “fixing” issue has been around for many years.  Probably first really noticeable in the Buffy series with Angel (who was always so much more appealing as Angellus) and then Spike who was the quintessential “Bad Boy” vamp until he fell in love … and “died” to save the world …. YUCK!

Then of course with TV you have the latest 3 incarnations, True Blood, Being Human (2 versions) and The Vampire Diaries.  True Blood emerged 5 years ago on HBO and was different and gritty and even referred to as “vampire porn”.  What started out with really little more than a cult following has become a huge success over the last 5 years launching careers and Alan Ball trying to push the boundaries but sadly sometimes missing the mark as boundaries are being pushed just for the sake of pushing rather than with a purpose.  Do not get me wrong though I will be there, glued to the set on June 10th, along with several million other people, a statistic that I would have thought years ago would never be mentioned in the same sentence as a vampire show.

Then you have Being Human, a small UK show that (at least for the first 3 seasons) was dark, different, and in my opinion compulsive viewing.  Of course the USA had to copy it but the remake is a pale imitation of the original which is so often the case and this will no longer be mentioned.  Back to the UK version and you get to meet some “Real” vampires.  Ivan and Daisy who I adore and who love being vampires and all that it involves, they kill, they laugh, they fight, and they dote on each other.  They love the adventure that being a vampire brings and have no love lost for humans.  Then there is Mitchell, who at his best destroys a train full of people because he has been betrayed by a human. The rawness, the loss of control, the complete abandonment to their nature, THIS is what I want to see.  Oh and we can’t forget Lauren, my lovely Lauren who rips out the throat of a pretty young blond outside a pub … because she can!

Oh and a very brief mention to The Vampire Diaries, mainly because I don’t really watch it but in the clips I have seen at least Damon seems to enjoy being a vampire so props for that but at the end of the day it is a show aimed at teenagers, so sadly I feel it will never compel me to view.

And so we move to literature and the complete flooding in the marketplace right now of vampire based fiction.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love that there are so many options out there and yes I do read pretty much all of them, including the Young Adult books which often have some of the more interesting historical ideas. But when it comes down to it I want the darkness.  Give me Laurell K Hamilton and the darkness that lives in her head, Give me Jeaniene Frost and her vampires that embrace who they are, Give me Anne Rice and her beautiful brat prince, but please, please so not ask my vampires to change.

I do not want them “Fixed”, I do not want them “Tamed”, I want them DARK, and VIOLENT, and I don’t want them being sorry about it afterwards.  I don’t want them to pine for their humanity I want them to embrace the darkness that is in essence for me what a vampire is.

Am I wrong? In reality the point it mute as society will at least move on to new things when they tire of this “fad”.  I have already been told that “Zombies” are the new vampires.  Well then little sheep go chase a zombie, although what you are going to find sexy in that is way beyond me.  Perhaps you are just looking for something to kill? Perhaps in fact society is darker in its thoughts than I am ….. now THAT is something to be scared of lol ….


Yes I Am In Love With Fictional Characters – No It Does Not Mean I Love The Actors – And Yes My Vampire Obsession Lurks In Every Facet Of My Life! V””V

So this is something that after watching a True Blood Panel at the June first event 2010 was lurking around in my mind and was originally written back in October of 2010 …. and rewritten and edited for the Vampire Loving Dorks page in April of 2011 and now here it is again, re-edited, revamped, and still very much a topic in my everyday musings.

A lot of us here would probably agree that we love vampires.  Many, such as myself , find that vampire links are possible with everything … even a trip to Chuck E Cheeses!  Characters appear on-screen and are referenced to various portrayals in previous vampire based shows, for example we were watching “Amy Burley” from True Blood on Fox’s show “New Girl” …. I recently spotted “Spike” from “Buffy” (Or Angel) as the camera guy at the beginning of the movie House on Haunted Hill … “Daphne” from True Blood was in “CSI Miami” …. and so the list, and the connections would seem to me to be endless.

So where does the character end and the actor begin?  Many who are into True Blood or the Sookie Stackhouse Novels would probably consider themselves either Team Eric or Team Bill to some extent or another, but is it Eric the character that people adore or is it the way Alexander Skarsgard portrays him??? What if the original talks had gone ahead and Alexander Skarsgard played Bill???? Would there be more Team Bill fans now with the same adoration for all things AS or does the character create the buzz???

For me its easy … I love Eric from the books and adore the screen Eric and feel that AS really embodies him but I do feel that as long as the portrayal was similar I would probably have felt the same devotion to another Eric. Would I have paid more attention to Bill with Alexander Skarsgard playing him??? Quite probably as he is certainly very easy on the eye lol but would I be a Team Bill player??? Somehow I can’t see it.

My latest “Character love’ is Mitchell from the BBC UK Show “Being Human” (Not to be confused with the poor attempt American copy of the same shown which had a vampire named Aiden – Possibly a nod to Aidan Turner that plays the UK vampire Mitchell?? and pale insignificant versions of the same stories … anyway .. I digress …..  As I was saying Mitchell is possibly one of the darkest portrayals of a vampire on television I have seen EVER.  And yes I adore him.  I love the darkness … I get excited when he vamps out and goes murdering people .. and I especially like it when he decides humanity has wronged him and along with a friend totally destroys a train full of perfectly innocent passengers in the most gruesome way you can imagine.  Rather than being shocked I embrace this side of the vampire. I prefer it to the twinkling tortured “vegetarian” teen vamps or  love-sick, pining to be human again creatures trying to fit in.  But now that Mitchell is no more (makes me want to sob all over again just typing it) I see a lot of fans now looking to see what he is going to be in next just as many “Eric” fans watch everything that Alexander Skarsgard does.  Not me ….  mine is definitely entrenched in the “character love” category.  It is Mitchell the vampire I am in love with and not Aidan Turner (sexy and gorgeous though he might be.  If I ever met him I would only be thinking Mitchell).

This “Character love” can be applied to many other vampires such as those in the Twilight Saga.  Team Edward is “alive and well” (yes I don’t understand it either but just look around and you will see that it is absolutely thriving).  Take my mother for example, she, who has never understood my love for all things vampyric is suddenly Team Edward in the largest way almost to the point of being delusional.  She refer’s to “Edward” as the main part of Robert Pattinson’s being, for example a recent phone call involved her berating the English Press because of how they portrayed “Edward” in the papers as drunk and uncouth.She is constantly telling me that she is going to watch, or has watched the new film that “Edward” not “Robert” is starring in.

So when does the fictional character take over the actor that portrays them?  For me it’s never! I love my fantasy book vampires and whilst I enjoy (for the most part) seeing them portrayed on the screen and it certainly allows me to discuss them more with my husband, who might die rather than read one of my vampire novels, never do the actors portraying them quite match the image in my head.  That is one of the best things about Mitchell from Being Human ….. he has never had to live up to an already living vision in my head.  He was always Mitchell as portrayed by Aidan Turner.  Even though I watched a couple of the US version episodes with basically the same character he was never him!!!

A perfect example dates back to when Interview with the Vampire was being made and Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat.  I was devastated.  How could this actor, whom I had never really liked (although I will confess to enjoying some of his movies), possibly play my blonde hair, blue-eyed devil?  Anne Rice apparently shared my concerns but I must confess when I went to see the movie he had done an admirable job.  He was Lestat, just not my Lestat, but it does however, remain my favorite Tom Cruise movie to date. Then came the Queen Of The Damned.  A mish mash of the next 2 vampire chronicles with none of the actors from the first attempt and a slaughter in the casting department when it came to the lesser vampires.  Stuart Townsend definitely embodied the darker, sarcastic side of Lestat but again fell short from my vampire lover from the books.  This is more relevant now than ever with the question of who will play Lestat being thrust front and centre once more as the movie rights to “Tale Of The Body Thief” have recently been picked up.

So I ask you all …… are you in love with the vampires, or is it the people who play them.  With many books out there waiting to hear about movie or tv deals I am sure there are more fictional vamps just waiting to be bought to life by actors who I am sure dream that their character will become such an obsession that the lines blur between the character and them, and they find themselves stalked to the point of insanity.  As for me, I will keep my love affair with the vampires in my books and my new vampires on the screen, as I am lucky, in the real world I have found the one person to share my darkness and my eternity with.


Lestat, Blogging, and My Failure To Communicate With Technology V””V

So I sign in today and see that noone has read what I wrote yesterday …. which is fine ….. until I realize that I didn’t actually PUBLISH what I had written *Sigh*!!! Yet another example of how me and technology fail to communicate on a regular basis. 

Another example of such failure occurred when I asked a friend to create a vampire collage with a collection of pictures I sent her to decorate the lovely blog I was creating only to discover that the “template” I had selected doesn’t allow for a banner to be posted.  Luckily she is going to do the “research” part for me and work out what I should change this too and until then it will just be me, my musings, and whatever pictures I choose to post within the various blog posts (Thank you Jaime *Mwah*).

Now to my main focus of today. Lestat.  The Original Brat Prince, and my first true vampire love.  With Anne Rice’s announcement this week that “Tale Of The Body Thief” has had the movie rights picked up my thoughts of who should play Lestat on the big screen have once again been harnessed and yet again I have failed to come up with an answer.  Previous renditions by Tom Cruise and Stuart Townsend have failed to fully embrace all the aspects that I imagine when it comes to my beautiful, blonde haired vamp.

A scouring on the internet found an article where Anne herself suggested Robert Downey Jnr for the role but this is not working for me.  A suggestion on a fan page where I posed the same question resulted in the question of possibly casting an unknown?  This so far seems to be perhaps the best option in my thoughts as no actor for me seems to complete the full package.  I wonder if sometimes as much as we all scream for screen adaptations of our beloved characters it would be more gratifying in the long run if they remained trapped in their pages and our imaginations.


Image found on – Monsters vs Aristocrats