50 Shades And My Seemingly Ever Increasing Desire To Lobotomize The Sheep!! V””V

As I flick through this week’s copy of Entertainment Weekly I was disgusted to see that the 50 Shades Trilogy is taking up the top FOUR spaces on the New York Best Selling paperbacks list.  How, you might ask is this possible with only 3 books in the series but wait, they are counting the “All 3 books in 1” volume as a separate book!! Ridiculous!

Add to that pretty much every other status and picture on Facebook seem to have something to do with either the book, what they would like to do with characters in the book, or who they would like to play the characters in a movie, I am about to explode!  Perhaps watching From Hell (with the gorgeous Ivan from Being Human playing a crazed Dr lobotomizing people) was not such a good idea because I am finding the idea more and more appealing!

It is being described as “Mommy porn”.  Well what does that even mean?  There are no mommy characters in it?  Is it because the main character needs a smack? Oh wait he likes to do the smacking, except when he doesn’t.  The scene’s that are supposed to be so shocking pale in regard to many books that I have read over the years, Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty trilogy, any of the later Laurell K Hamilton Anita Blake books, Jeaniene Frost, Yasmine Galenorn.  The list could go on but you don’t see libraries threatening to pull them from their shelves or comments everywhere about their effect on people’s sex lives.

What is this mass market appeal that is totally mind washing even people whom I have known for years and would normally have considered that their taste ran to far superior writing.  So I ask again, what am I missing?  There sure as hell isn’t anything that I consider even mildly erotic in there.  I feel that it is poorly written and from a woman who I doubt has ever had anything other than missionary position, vanilla sex in her life and from the raving going on neither have the people who are expressing such ravishing praise about it.

A friend recently told me that they would be scared to be in my head and discover what goes on in there.  They actually said that they wondered if my bedroom would put the infamous red room to shame.  Well my readers whilst I can assure you that this is not the case I can also let you know that real trust in a partner does not come written on a piece of paper but from shared desire and experience and if it doesn’t fit in with the majority view of what is “normal” well that is just fine with me.  Normal has never been a word that would work to describe me anyway.

I live in a darkness that few will ever understand and many would rather not think about but that is OK .  I like it here and I have my husband who stops me taking that final step that may plunge me ever downward so far from reality that I would never find my way back.  I have my select friends who know the real me and don’t find it strange that I would take them to a shop where whips and chains are just the beginning and that I would fall in love with a beautifully crafted whip made from the softest elk hide to the extreme that I must have touched it 100 times whilst there (sadly the $259 price tag insisted I left it behind).

And so to all the sheep out there with their constant reminders to me about how great this book is …… is it really? or are you being shepherded along with the masses sharing the opinions that to me make no sense, because it is easier than forming your own?  Do you really find that erotic and compelling? If so I go back to my heading and would like to offer you a lobotomy.

*Mwah* V””V

 

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Pleasure, Pain, And The Fifty Shades Of My Darker Life V””V

In the week or so since I wrote my thoughts about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon (that seems to be everywhere at the moment) I have been interested to see that of all the musings I have written THAT is the one that has the most views.  Not the most comments but the one that people are coming in to look at. (Original Blog Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V Here)

From Facebook to Talk Shows, Magazines to Twitter,  I am amazed that this seems to be the subject of every other discussion with the general focus on how “shocking” and “erotic” the book to the extent libraries are removing copies from their shelves (proving yet again that they don’t read EVERYTHING in their libraries as many of Laurell K Hamilton’s books are far more risqué and questionable), and yet again I find myself questioning how “people” would react to the fifty shades of darkness that is my everyday life.

As I have mentioned before, inside my head is a very dark place where I constantly walk a fine line to keep me grounded in this side of reality, tethered by the love of family and friends who accept and feel no need to change me (not that they could if they wanted to).  So what is it that people are finding so compelling about a book that I could barely force myself to finish?

After much thought (and discussion) I have decided it has to be a combination of pain and control that most people do not associate with their pleasure and thus find it shocking but in a “safe” way that enables them to feel “naughty” by reading it, when the reality would just not be something they would have any idea about.

Now I am not that familiar with the whole BDSM community although I do know people who are, but what I do know is what my life is like, and that book just pales in comparison to my reality.  In my bedroom no safe words are needed. No lines are drawn and no contracts signed but then submission is not in my nature, or that of my husband.

We are both dominant and we fight for control with the winner being “forced” to “comply” (I don’t think of it as submission).  When we bite, our teeth are bared (no little love nips here), and we are both well aware that pain and pleasure is a line that we like to cross frequently.  People will argue that it is all about trust but for me it is all about that element of danger.

Which is  why I think I am drawn so much to the vampires that I love.  I crave that loss of control.  I want total abandonment of everything except that moment and not in a hearts and flowers sort of way.  For me a pair of vampires tearing through a train load of innocents to avenge the wrongs of other mortals is far more erotic than any contract to play in “the red room of pain” where there actually seems to very little ACTUAL pain inflicted despite the promising name.

But it doesn’t have to be from a vampyric point of view that this control is achieved.  Much as I love my husband I am under no delusion that he is anything other than human, but human’s have the same ability to surrender control under the right circumstances.  Take the movie 9 1/2 weeks.  Mickey Rourke inserts himself into Kim Basinger’s life and shows how good a bad romance can really be.  He never asks her permission to do what he does and at one point Kim’s character actually asks “how did you know I would react to you the way I do” and my answer to that is that it is instinctual.

On some base level we are all animals.  We hunt, we crave, we desire, and not everything we want is in our best interests and yet we do it anyway even knowing that it may not be healthy and when I say WE I refer to the few of us that ignore, or don’t have, the little voice in our heads saying it is wrong.  Our little inner vampire that wants to do bad things and enjoy them … and for those that don’t understand …. well they have Fifty Shades of Grey …..

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Fifty Shades Of Grey – My Thoughts – Warning Spoilers V””V

*Disclaimer – All thoughts and comments made are PURELY MY opinion.  I have no personal experience of E L James or her actual process when it comes to writing.  I have no idea about her “real” life and all comments are based on my thoughts having read the book Fifty Shades Of Grey*

Fifty Shades Of Grey – the book that is now everywhere and being described as so erotic that libraries in certain states are feeling the need to pull it from the shelves (something I personally abhor … this is 2012 .. do we really need censorship?)  The back of the book promises that is “Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever” ….. I think they gave me the wrong book!!

Luckily (or unluckily) for me, my library was not one of the ones that decided to pitch in with the whole censorship thing and I picked up my copy a couple of days ago and I will admit I was excited to see what all the hype was about.  I love dark erotica so something that was so “shocking” that it was being removed from shelves really called out to my dark cravings.  Of course the fact that when I got it I thought it was going to be about a vampire helped too … for the record it isn’t, but the book still could have been good.

Maybe my expectations were too high.  I was expecting something more along the lines of “The Sleeping Beauty” trilogy by Anne Rice which is erotica at its finest and takes you there from a couple of pages in and doesn’t drop the ride through the whole 3 books.  What I got instead was a very tame girl (Ana) who meets a high power, but young Christian Grey, and they become a little obsessed.  Now to even get to that you have to plough through 70 pages where the most daring thing is a kiss with pinned hands and a little hair pulling in an elevator oh and Miss Ana feeling naughty because she uses his toothbrush without asking.  No I am not exaggerating!!

Having heard so many good things I decide to stick with it assuming that the more erotic stuff is further into the book.  But I won’t lie, it was not an easy read. The characters are flat for the most part unless they are emailing.  The emails back and forth are cute, especially the subject headings, but cute was not really what I thought the book was going for …. maybe I was wrong.

Christian Grey is basically a total control freak and he openly admits he is a Dom.  (Maybe that is shocking??)  He wants to control his lover down to what she wears, eats, who she spends time with etc but honestly? anyone with the slightest knowledge of the BDSM scene would know that this is really not very unusual and it certainly isn’t shocking. What he wants is his own little submissive but then he doesn’t really because he loves every time little Miss Ana contradicts him.  I think he is confused!  Oh but then we have the contract that they keep going back to.  Pages and pages of “Hard Rules” and “Soft Rules” and really I am starting to ask myself by now if perhaps Ms James picked up a copy of BDSM for dummies and is using that for her reference because there is NOTHING sexy or SHOCKING about the way that contract is done.  It covers only the most basic of stuff that a lot of couples do without even thinking about it being part of that culture.

The sex is tame (even the stuff that is supposed to be filled with debauchery) and the story drags leaving me with no interest to find out what they do with their lives at all.  Even worse is at the end of the book (Major Spoiler Alert) Ana asks Christian to spank her with the belt … then leaves him forever because he does!! RIDICULOUS! (OK so it probably isn’t forever as there are 2 more books in this trilogy, 2 more books that I will not be hunting out).

So my question is this.  What is everyone finding so shocking and what am I missing?  The only conclusion I can come to is that this is a book written by a bored middle american housewife who thinks she is pushing boundaries that she doesn’t understand (perhaps writing out her fantasies that she is never going to be able to fulfil?), writing for other bored middle american housewives who have never done anything remotely exciting in the bedroom and wouldn’t know where to begin.  My advice to them … watch 9 1/2 weeks.  That is a tale of obsession and it is far sexier that what is written here (and no paper trail lol).  Or if you want to read some real dark erotica, try the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, on second thoughts if you really thought this was naughty you better not.

I hear they are making a movie. Perhaps that will be better, not because it will be any naughtier but because hopefully someone will bring the character of Christian Grey to life.  He had potential, Mickey Rourke kind of potential, and maybe the right actor could make it an interesting watch (I am guessing it would get a PG 13 rating but maybe America will be daring and actually PUSH this to where is could have gone …. but I don’t hold out much hope).

My advice to my dark loving friends would be to give it a miss.  Read at your own risk of boredom, or read and tell me I am wrong, tell me what I am missing.  Perhaps I live so far into the darkness I just can no longer recognize what is risqué and what is not.  Hmmmmmm interesting thoughts for a sunday morning ……

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