My Gothic Romance – From Vampires To Serial Killers V””V

The darkness has always called to me. While others are screaming for the monster to be killed I often find myself feeling bad for the creature who is only following their inner nature.  The vampire who loves and wants to turn the girl only to be rejected (and usually destroyed) all because he wanted eternity with them?  The Phantom that would give everything for the one he loves only to be rejected because obsession is seen as wrong? The serial killer who cuts off his hand rather than simply killing the agent with whom he has obviously fallen in love?  I have shed many tears for the fallen “monsters”, the beautiful creatures who live in the dark. Be they vampires or other I know I see things in a way that few others agree with, but those that understand, I mean really understand, will embrace my latest musings the way I embrace the veil of “otherness” that I find myself so often on the wrong side of.

Now vampires have been a “hot topic” for a while.  You can barely turn around without a “new” vampire book emerging, or with the Twilight Saga coming to a close producers desperately searching for the next tween vamp sensation (The Vampire Academy Movie would be my guess at their best shot).  Then of course you have the TV regulars, True Blood gearing up for Season 6, the Vampire Diaries just finishing Season 4 and a 5th Season and a spin-off show picked up, and the much buzz about new NBC drama Dracula.  Yes the vampires are everywhere (Still none that have stolen my heart in the way that Mitchell and crew did from the first 3 seasons of Being Human) but they are out in force.

But the thing that is amusing me is the sudden fascination with Serial Killers.  Now this is a little different for the mainstream audience.  Of course there has always been the big hits such as Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal, where it was shown how charismatic a serial killer could be.  You know that what he was doing was wrong but you couldn’t help but like him….. but find him romantic?  I cried because I thought  Hannibal choosing to sacrifice his arm rather than killing Agent Starling was just so beautiful.  Yes people looked at me as if I was crazy but I didn’t care.  There was something there.  Something darkly beautiful that called to me.  I knew why he did what he did and I thought it wonderful.

NBC have tried to bring this to the small screen but whilst I am enjoying the show, I find that the actor they chose for Hannibal is not working for me.  I don’t feel for him the way I want to, although his dinner parties are definitely amusing and the writing is superb, but for me there is no connection. I would not mourn were he to be captured.  I would not will him to escape, and I find that although I am intrigued by his plans I make no effort to seek out any further information that may be out there.   This was one step up from Dexter though.  Perhaps the first attempt to bring serial killers to television but for some reason it failed to hook me.  Still unsure as to why and I keep meaning to give it another shot, but as yet haven’t bothered.

Back to Hannibal and his casting being a complete contrast to the other TV Serial Killer featured in FOX’s The Following.  With this series having just ended I am feeling somewhat at a loss with what to do with my Monday evenings.  I miss the chapters that Joe Carroll was writing and I miss his cryptic emails and posts on Twitter.  Now do not get confused here.  It is not the actor that I am obsessing over, it is the character and it is HIS emails etc that I am missing.  With his love of Poe and completely insane agenda, he has managed, in the show, to almost hypnotize people to help him with his plan.  He is gorgeous and charming, and even as he is brutally murdering an innocent girl to teach the naughty police a lesson, I am with him 100%.  I know on some level this is wrong.  I should not be willing this serial killer to escape and encourage others to go on a murdering rampage so that he can write a book about it.  But I don’t care.  I screamed at the TV as his wife, whom he adores, betrayed him. I even yelled at him for being weak and deciding that sleeping with someone else would be OK.  I squealed like a 14-year-old fan girl when he sent me a “Tweet” before the finale asking if I wanted to see the final chapter.  I scoured through hidden messages to find coded videos and secret messages with clues that  linked to the show.  I was, and still am  hooked.

So where, does that leave me?  I am lucky in that I have my soul mate (who as far as I know is not a serial killer), that laughs at my obsessions but never tries to dissuade me.  I have a few select friends that visit with me in the darkness and smile as they know that the reality is closer than strangers would ever believe, and I have the world inside my head.  The blacks and the reds and the fields of grey where I find my peace. 




Oh a little addendum to this …. For those that feel like a wander through some dark thrilling literature I would suggest checking out Kitten K Jackson.  It is not normally something I do, advertising books, but this is a little different.  These books, Keeping Secrets and the Sequel Keeping Secrets II are not for everyone.  This is not a “happy ever after” tale.  It is a tale of obsession.  A tale of dark desires. A tale of a different kind of love.

Check them out HERE!


Chaos And My So Called Life ….. V””V

Wow where has the time gone.  No my vampire loving readers I have not abandoned my blog, but the real world and various commitments therein seem to have taken over, and before I knew it 2 months have gone by and I haven’t been in here.  That does not mean that there are any less crazy vampyric based musings floating around in this place that calls itself my brain but the general insanity that permeates my day-to-day existence has not granted me the ability to get in here and share those musings with you (or with myself if everyone has now disappeared).

So let me start by saying my absence from here did allow everyone on here to escape my crazy political rants which usually ended up with me saying how much more sense a vampire hierarchical society makes.  Of course if you screw up under their rule you are dead … but hey the rules are the rules and you know them before you start so that seems pretty fair.  The strong rise to the top, the weaker are protected, and everyone knows where they stand.  Doesn’t that sound like a much better idea.  Of course not everyone could be a part of this because we would still need food but hey natural order of things and all that!

Which brings me to the lack of order of things on Television.  I am finding vampire television rather lacking at the moment.  I am not a big Vampire Diaries fan (I only watch it when my daughter has it on), True Blood is on Hiatus (and not sure how that is going to be when it comes back with rumors flying thick and fast about 6 being the final season and who knows what they are going to do with “Billith” and the insane fairy thing), and Being Human just doesn’t work for me without Mitchell *Sigh*!   I have had limited success with vampire movies with Lincoln Vampire Hunter being a surprising hit in this house with the portrayal of vampires being very pleasing to me and the idea of Vampires having a hand in the Civil war …. genius.  Of course to counter that we had the epic fail that was Dark Shadows …… I am not even going there.  That was just kind of a nothing 2 hours spent.

And then there is my so-called regular life.  When you try to fit in children with Cheerleading, plays, football games, and about 300 other commitments, running vampire pages, promoting and editing books, etc etc etc you suddenly wish that you had access to a TARDIS to create a couple of extra non fixed time points!

Until then just know that I have plans and those plans include getting back in here …. but this was just a quick visit for any fans still hovering to let you know I am still around …… I am still obsessed and full of future musings …. I just need to master the time space continuum and all will be good!!


50 Shades And My Seemingly Ever Increasing Desire To Lobotomize The Sheep!! V””V

As I flick through this week’s copy of Entertainment Weekly I was disgusted to see that the 50 Shades Trilogy is taking up the top FOUR spaces on the New York Best Selling paperbacks list.  How, you might ask is this possible with only 3 books in the series but wait, they are counting the “All 3 books in 1” volume as a separate book!! Ridiculous!

Add to that pretty much every other status and picture on Facebook seem to have something to do with either the book, what they would like to do with characters in the book, or who they would like to play the characters in a movie, I am about to explode!  Perhaps watching From Hell (with the gorgeous Ivan from Being Human playing a crazed Dr lobotomizing people) was not such a good idea because I am finding the idea more and more appealing!

It is being described as “Mommy porn”.  Well what does that even mean?  There are no mommy characters in it?  Is it because the main character needs a smack? Oh wait he likes to do the smacking, except when he doesn’t.  The scene’s that are supposed to be so shocking pale in regard to many books that I have read over the years, Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty trilogy, any of the later Laurell K Hamilton Anita Blake books, Jeaniene Frost, Yasmine Galenorn.  The list could go on but you don’t see libraries threatening to pull them from their shelves or comments everywhere about their effect on people’s sex lives.

What is this mass market appeal that is totally mind washing even people whom I have known for years and would normally have considered that their taste ran to far superior writing.  So I ask again, what am I missing?  There sure as hell isn’t anything that I consider even mildly erotic in there.  I feel that it is poorly written and from a woman who I doubt has ever had anything other than missionary position, vanilla sex in her life and from the raving going on neither have the people who are expressing such ravishing praise about it.

A friend recently told me that they would be scared to be in my head and discover what goes on in there.  They actually said that they wondered if my bedroom would put the infamous red room to shame.  Well my readers whilst I can assure you that this is not the case I can also let you know that real trust in a partner does not come written on a piece of paper but from shared desire and experience and if it doesn’t fit in with the majority view of what is “normal” well that is just fine with me.  Normal has never been a word that would work to describe me anyway.

I live in a darkness that few will ever understand and many would rather not think about but that is OK .  I like it here and I have my husband who stops me taking that final step that may plunge me ever downward so far from reality that I would never find my way back.  I have my select friends who know the real me and don’t find it strange that I would take them to a shop where whips and chains are just the beginning and that I would fall in love with a beautifully crafted whip made from the softest elk hide to the extreme that I must have touched it 100 times whilst there (sadly the $259 price tag insisted I left it behind).

And so to all the sheep out there with their constant reminders to me about how great this book is …… is it really? or are you being shepherded along with the masses sharing the opinions that to me make no sense, because it is easier than forming your own?  Do you really find that erotic and compelling? If so I go back to my heading and would like to offer you a lobotomy.

*Mwah* V””V


The Taming Of The Vampire V””V

Today’s musings are a culmination of many thoughts and discussions that I have had with my lovely Lauren. I simply want to know this …. what is with society and it’s obsession with taming, or fixing, vampires?

Looking around at vampire culture as it stands right now I am amazed at how widely appealing vampires seem to have become over the last few years, and then I look again and see that it is not vampires as I love them, but rather a pale imitation of the darkness I fell in love with. Many people may say that Twilight is to blame with its broad appeal to young and old, and the beautiful love story beneath it, although if you ask me Twilight itself can definitely be read from a darker angle and really it is a tale of obsession that ends with the human being turned into a vampire….. but to be honest I usually stick Twilight and all its connotations in a separate pocket marked “not bad story idea”, and keep it out of my vampyric thoughts.

Twilight, however, is not really to blame as this “fixing” issue has been around for many years.  Probably first really noticeable in the Buffy series with Angel (who was always so much more appealing as Angellus) and then Spike who was the quintessential “Bad Boy” vamp until he fell in love … and “died” to save the world …. YUCK!

Then of course with TV you have the latest 3 incarnations, True Blood, Being Human (2 versions) and The Vampire Diaries.  True Blood emerged 5 years ago on HBO and was different and gritty and even referred to as “vampire porn”.  What started out with really little more than a cult following has become a huge success over the last 5 years launching careers and Alan Ball trying to push the boundaries but sadly sometimes missing the mark as boundaries are being pushed just for the sake of pushing rather than with a purpose.  Do not get me wrong though I will be there, glued to the set on June 10th, along with several million other people, a statistic that I would have thought years ago would never be mentioned in the same sentence as a vampire show.

Then you have Being Human, a small UK show that (at least for the first 3 seasons) was dark, different, and in my opinion compulsive viewing.  Of course the USA had to copy it but the remake is a pale imitation of the original which is so often the case and this will no longer be mentioned.  Back to the UK version and you get to meet some “Real” vampires.  Ivan and Daisy who I adore and who love being vampires and all that it involves, they kill, they laugh, they fight, and they dote on each other.  They love the adventure that being a vampire brings and have no love lost for humans.  Then there is Mitchell, who at his best destroys a train full of people because he has been betrayed by a human. The rawness, the loss of control, the complete abandonment to their nature, THIS is what I want to see.  Oh and we can’t forget Lauren, my lovely Lauren who rips out the throat of a pretty young blond outside a pub … because she can!

Oh and a very brief mention to The Vampire Diaries, mainly because I don’t really watch it but in the clips I have seen at least Damon seems to enjoy being a vampire so props for that but at the end of the day it is a show aimed at teenagers, so sadly I feel it will never compel me to view.

And so we move to literature and the complete flooding in the marketplace right now of vampire based fiction.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love that there are so many options out there and yes I do read pretty much all of them, including the Young Adult books which often have some of the more interesting historical ideas. But when it comes down to it I want the darkness.  Give me Laurell K Hamilton and the darkness that lives in her head, Give me Jeaniene Frost and her vampires that embrace who they are, Give me Anne Rice and her beautiful brat prince, but please, please so not ask my vampires to change.

I do not want them “Fixed”, I do not want them “Tamed”, I want them DARK, and VIOLENT, and I don’t want them being sorry about it afterwards.  I don’t want them to pine for their humanity I want them to embrace the darkness that is in essence for me what a vampire is.

Am I wrong? In reality the point it mute as society will at least move on to new things when they tire of this “fad”.  I have already been told that “Zombies” are the new vampires.  Well then little sheep go chase a zombie, although what you are going to find sexy in that is way beyond me.  Perhaps you are just looking for something to kill? Perhaps in fact society is darker in its thoughts than I am ….. now THAT is something to be scared of lol ….


Bloodlust, The Thirst, and My Obsession V””V

Most vampire lovers have an image in their head when they hear the word “Bloodlust”. In fact with vampire movies gaining mass market popularity and the many television shows that feature serial killers (both fictional and real), I would imagine that almost anyone you talk to would have some kind of image that they could conjure up if they had to. From hungry newborns tearing through people to sate their unquenchable thirst to a human killer on a mass murdering spree, bloodlust is generally, I would suggest, synonymous with death and carnage.

Well what about a person who loves nothing more than to see vampires rip through a train full of perfectly innocent passengers?  Where does she fall into that spectrum? When is the obsession out of control? When stopping and re-watching a YouTube video over and over because it gives you chills as for once the darker side of vampire nature is being shown and embraced rather than the glossy, sparkly vegetarian version? (YouTube Video – The Thirst).  When thrilling in the fact that for once the vampire doesn’t have to “change” into a humanitarian version of themselves to be adored? Because, let’s be honest here … 95% of movies and books where the vampires aren’t either killed off, or chased into the darkness, those vampires had given up most of their vampyric tendencies and “lost” any resemblance to the creature that they really are.

So I ask you this …. am I suffering from a form of bloodlust?  My cravings for all things dark and dangerous have never been stronger.  For almost 30 years now I have immersed myself in everything vampire related that I can get my hands on. My husband frequently having to listen to comparisons and “facts”. Amused by the never-ending sources I seem to find and arguments I have about things that can never be proven and yet I will swear until the end of days that my answers are the way things are and not just my opinion.  The re-watches and re-reads of television shows, movies and books.  The scouring on the internet for anything new that may be known about the newest season of True Blood. Complaining when vampires humanize and lose the very vampire qualities that I crave.  Why do they feel the need to fit in and be “accepted”?  They could rule everything and yet over and over the story is created that the majority want nothing more than to live happily among their food source and the few that see the potential are labelled outcasts.

Where does this leave me? Well I am one of the lucky ones.  My husband loves me with a vampire ferocity second to none, despite my tenuous grasp on where the veil of reality is. He is my anchor but do not misunderstand.  He is almost as far from the light as I am.  He may not immerse himself in the supernatural in the way that I do, but pain, domination, and graveyards are as soothing to him as they are to me.  We have a connection that is as strong as any vampire mates and the continuous turmoil in my mind can often be soothed by a simple touch. Add to that he is stunning, in that classic vampire way, (I have a friend who has a picture of him adorning their wall along with more well-known vampires actors), and turns the head of almost every woman we see when we are out, (although he would deny it) because he has a power about him that is intoxicating, and you are blessed with just a glimpse of what I get to live with.

Then recently (well in the grand scheme of things anyway) I have come across other’s who to some degree or other have the same feelings I do.  Perhaps in some cases they hover closer to the lighter side than others but they are there.  While my husband works I can discuss all things dark to my heart’s content. Be it a random post on Facebook or several hours of texting and phone calls, I feel surer than ever about who I am.  I am darkness, I am pain, I am me!


 YouTube video linked is The Thirst by Various Vampires set to the song “The Thirst Is Taking Over” by Skillet

Yes I Am In Love With Fictional Characters – No It Does Not Mean I Love The Actors – And Yes My Vampire Obsession Lurks In Every Facet Of My Life! V””V

So this is something that after watching a True Blood Panel at the June first event 2010 was lurking around in my mind and was originally written back in October of 2010 …. and rewritten and edited for the Vampire Loving Dorks page in April of 2011 and now here it is again, re-edited, revamped, and still very much a topic in my everyday musings.

A lot of us here would probably agree that we love vampires.  Many, such as myself , find that vampire links are possible with everything … even a trip to Chuck E Cheeses!  Characters appear on-screen and are referenced to various portrayals in previous vampire based shows, for example we were watching “Amy Burley” from True Blood on Fox’s show “New Girl” …. I recently spotted “Spike” from “Buffy” (Or Angel) as the camera guy at the beginning of the movie House on Haunted Hill … “Daphne” from True Blood was in “CSI Miami” …. and so the list, and the connections would seem to me to be endless.

So where does the character end and the actor begin?  Many who are into True Blood or the Sookie Stackhouse Novels would probably consider themselves either Team Eric or Team Bill to some extent or another, but is it Eric the character that people adore or is it the way Alexander Skarsgard portrays him??? What if the original talks had gone ahead and Alexander Skarsgard played Bill???? Would there be more Team Bill fans now with the same adoration for all things AS or does the character create the buzz???

For me its easy … I love Eric from the books and adore the screen Eric and feel that AS really embodies him but I do feel that as long as the portrayal was similar I would probably have felt the same devotion to another Eric. Would I have paid more attention to Bill with Alexander Skarsgard playing him??? Quite probably as he is certainly very easy on the eye lol but would I be a Team Bill player??? Somehow I can’t see it.

My latest “Character love’ is Mitchell from the BBC UK Show “Being Human” (Not to be confused with the poor attempt American copy of the same shown which had a vampire named Aiden – Possibly a nod to Aidan Turner that plays the UK vampire Mitchell?? and pale insignificant versions of the same stories … anyway .. I digress …..  As I was saying Mitchell is possibly one of the darkest portrayals of a vampire on television I have seen EVER.  And yes I adore him.  I love the darkness … I get excited when he vamps out and goes murdering people .. and I especially like it when he decides humanity has wronged him and along with a friend totally destroys a train full of perfectly innocent passengers in the most gruesome way you can imagine.  Rather than being shocked I embrace this side of the vampire. I prefer it to the twinkling tortured “vegetarian” teen vamps or  love-sick, pining to be human again creatures trying to fit in.  But now that Mitchell is no more (makes me want to sob all over again just typing it) I see a lot of fans now looking to see what he is going to be in next just as many “Eric” fans watch everything that Alexander Skarsgard does.  Not me ….  mine is definitely entrenched in the “character love” category.  It is Mitchell the vampire I am in love with and not Aidan Turner (sexy and gorgeous though he might be.  If I ever met him I would only be thinking Mitchell).

This “Character love” can be applied to many other vampires such as those in the Twilight Saga.  Team Edward is “alive and well” (yes I don’t understand it either but just look around and you will see that it is absolutely thriving).  Take my mother for example, she, who has never understood my love for all things vampyric is suddenly Team Edward in the largest way almost to the point of being delusional.  She refer’s to “Edward” as the main part of Robert Pattinson’s being, for example a recent phone call involved her berating the English Press because of how they portrayed “Edward” in the papers as drunk and uncouth.She is constantly telling me that she is going to watch, or has watched the new film that “Edward” not “Robert” is starring in.

So when does the fictional character take over the actor that portrays them?  For me it’s never! I love my fantasy book vampires and whilst I enjoy (for the most part) seeing them portrayed on the screen and it certainly allows me to discuss them more with my husband, who might die rather than read one of my vampire novels, never do the actors portraying them quite match the image in my head.  That is one of the best things about Mitchell from Being Human ….. he has never had to live up to an already living vision in my head.  He was always Mitchell as portrayed by Aidan Turner.  Even though I watched a couple of the US version episodes with basically the same character he was never him!!!

A perfect example dates back to when Interview with the Vampire was being made and Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat.  I was devastated.  How could this actor, whom I had never really liked (although I will confess to enjoying some of his movies), possibly play my blonde hair, blue-eyed devil?  Anne Rice apparently shared my concerns but I must confess when I went to see the movie he had done an admirable job.  He was Lestat, just not my Lestat, but it does however, remain my favorite Tom Cruise movie to date. Then came the Queen Of The Damned.  A mish mash of the next 2 vampire chronicles with none of the actors from the first attempt and a slaughter in the casting department when it came to the lesser vampires.  Stuart Townsend definitely embodied the darker, sarcastic side of Lestat but again fell short from my vampire lover from the books.  This is more relevant now than ever with the question of who will play Lestat being thrust front and centre once more as the movie rights to “Tale Of The Body Thief” have recently been picked up.

So I ask you all …… are you in love with the vampires, or is it the people who play them.  With many books out there waiting to hear about movie or tv deals I am sure there are more fictional vamps just waiting to be bought to life by actors who I am sure dream that their character will become such an obsession that the lines blur between the character and them, and they find themselves stalked to the point of insanity.  As for me, I will keep my love affair with the vampires in my books and my new vampires on the screen, as I am lucky, in the real world I have found the one person to share my darkness and my eternity with.


Bitten, Box Tunnel 20, and Bad Late Night TV V””V

Have you ever had a night where you go from one extreme to the other?  Well that was my tv viewing last night!  Things started off great when I randomly flicked through channels to suddenly come face to face with Mitchell in Being Human on my gorgeous 60 inch flat screen completely annihilating a train carriage full of innocent passengers and then heading home covered in the remains of the carnage to have bloody sex with his partner in crime, and my alter ego Daisy.  Fangtastic in the extreme!!  Of course I own these on DVD and this episode is available any time for streaming on Netflix but that didn’t stop my squeals of excitement and immediate texting to Lauren to share that IT WAS ON TV.  Hmmmmm obsessed much???  Luckily for me my husband was not home from work yet because whilst he happily embraces my dark vampyric love ,even down to being able to participate in some very random and strange discussion, he has, for some reason, an absolute hatred of the Vampire Mitchell, referring to him constantly as a crying, whining, poor excuse for a vamp.  Well what can I say … he’s not perfect …. but he’s hot, sexy, and he bites …. oh and yes that is my husband I was talking about although reading it back  it could be easily applied to Mitchell too!

So with that over and done with it was an evening of generally uninteresting tv until about midnight and I decided I wanted to watch a movie.  Well movie, midnight, and cable equals a basic mediocre soft porn equivalent of a vampire movie.  It was BAD but yes I watched it all because it had the word VAMPIRE in the description.  The movie, should anyone care to avoid it (or watch it if you want to see a REALLY bad boob job), is called Bitten.  It stars (if you can call it “starring”)  Jason Mewes and Erica Cox with the former being a paramedic who “rescues” Danika (Erica) the “Victim” who actually turns out to be a vampire.  Cue some poorly lit soft porn type scenes and very messy feedings – seriously – if this girl tried DRINKING some of the blood when she bit these people maybe she wouldn’t be so hungry all the time and spend at least half the movie looking like a junkie going through withdrawal. Between that and the bad, very distracting I might add, boob job this was not a good movie ….. and as my husband rightly said it was cheesy and pathetic even taking into account my love of vampires and naked people in general.  Even after some pretty heavy girl on girl action he decided he couldn’t stand to watch any more and turned over to go to sleep.  In hindsight I probably should have done the same thing but once I started watching I felt compelled to finish it.  Well the end SUCKED too so other than giving me something else to talk about today it was really pointless.  Hmmm on second thoughts just the fact that it gave me something to blabber on about may have made it worth while 😀